In Between
by EtherTwist
Summary: Hope grows up and becomes a soldier, with the goal of earning Lightning's love in mind. Will she accept him, or will she put her sense of duty first?
1. Prologue

**_First the important stuff- all the characters contained within this story belong to Square Enix, blah blah blah. Now go out and buy as much of their paraphernalia as possible, so that Sqeenix can make boatloads of cash and not be bothered with coming after small fry such as myself and other fanfic writers. _**

**_You know the drill: read, review, lemme know what you'd like to see happen in the story, as this is still very much a writing in progress. Cheers!_**

* * *

**Prologue  
**

It had been nine months since the fall of Cocoon. Nine months since their lives had been completely changed. The survivors were still adapting to their new lives on Gran Pulse, although it wasn't an easy one, what with no Fal-cie caring for their every need or want. It was, however, one the people could proudly claim as a life they have carved out for themselves.

Hope stood on a small hillside, looking over the crystallized remains of Cocoon as they sparkled in the late afternoon sun, the light bathing him in golden hues. For him, the past nine months had been a blur. First it had been the search and eventual reunion with his father. They were making inroads to a better relationship between father and son, but at times things were still rough. The refugee-like nature in which everyone lived didn't make it better, yet he had to admit, it was better than being completely parent-less. His fifteenth birthday was a few months later. His father and friends did their best with what they had, anything they could to help him keep his mind off the fact that it would be his first birthday without his mother. Snow had given the youth an AMP-powered manadrive glove that his former NORA pal, Maqui had salvaged and modified. Serah had baked him a cake with help from Sazh's little boy, Dajh. He was grateful for their gifts, for their company, but inside, he still felt the sadness, the emptiness. Only Lightning seemed to notice this, and she had pulled him aside to confront him. He could still remember their conversation.

_"You've been crying, Hope," she had said, matter-of-factly._

_ "I- I dunno what you're talking about," he stammered, green eyes avoiding her gaze. He tried to smile and failed._

_ Lightning had gently laid a hand on his shoulder and he nearly jumped at the touch. "Look at me, Hope". Her voice was gentle, but firm. He had hesitantly raised his eyes to meet hers._

_ "It's okay to cry, Hope, understand? It doesn't mean you're weak. You've been through a lot, and it's expected. Holding it in is much worse, believe me."_

_ And he did believe her. _

_ At the time though, he had sighed, and nodded his head. Lightning reached inside her leg pouch and pulled something out, holding the object out to him. Hope's eyes widened, recognizing it immediately._

_ "B-but that's…" he gasped as she placed the knife into his hand._

_ "It's like mine, but it's not the exact same one. Any time you feel you're not strong enough, I want you to take this knife out and remember all the trials you've been through to get where you are now. You're much stronger than you realize, Hope." The corner of her mouth curled into one of her rare smiles._

_ Hope nodded his silvery head, looking at the knife in his hands. "Thanks, Light."_

_ Then Lightning gave him a hug and a kiss on his cheek. "Happy birthday, Hope." She then turned and walked back to where everyone else was partaking in the cake, her usual stoic demeanor firmly back in place. Feeling light headed from the kiss, Hope dazedly followed behind._

That kiss, no matter how brief, how sisterly like, was nearly his undoing. That was the last thing he wanted to remember, especially when he was up on that hill trying to get Lightning out of his mind in the first place. Today had been Snow and Serah's wedding and Lightning, being a part of the wedding party, was in a dress. Seeing the woman he had idolized- and developed a painfully huge crush on- looking so feminine, so _gorgeous,_ was almost more than his adolescent hormones could take. As soon as the ceremony was over, Hope had slipped away to calm his racing mind. Deep down, he knew he had to tell her, but how? He knew she saw him as just a kid, maybe even a little brother, but he wasn't going to be a kid forever. If he waited until he was a man, he feared he'd be too late. _Somehow,_ he thought, _I've got to tell her. I'll go crazy if I don't._

It probably wouldn't feel so urgent if it weren't for the fact that he'd be leaving soon for training. After his birthday, Hope had decided to join the newly formed Expeditionary Corps. Created from the remains of PSICOM and the Guardian Corps, their purpose to explore and map Gran Pulse, seeking resources that could be of use to the colony of Cocoon survivors, and to destroy any Fal-cie that may be a threat. Lightning had already joined, given her knowledge of the terrain, and she even retained her old rank of sergeant. Given what the teen had learned from her, and his own knowledge of Gran Pulse, Hope had thought it would be a good idea. It wasn't like he could go back to being a normal schoolboy anyways. Not after…

He had been so lost in thought; he hadn't heard someone approaching from behind until he heard the soft "damnit" which could only have come from Lightning's voice. He turned around in time to see her bent over, hitching up the hem of her dress to take off her shoes. She straightened up with a sigh of relief and, hateful shoes in hand, continued to climb up the hill to Hope. He had turned away slightly, not wanting her to see the blush that suddenly spread across his cheeks. He was glad the sunlight was making everything look rosy.

"There you are Hope," the woman called out to him, coming to stand beside him. "Your father was worried you had gone missing."

"Sorry about that," he pretended to be embarrassed, laughing and scratching the back of his head. "Just need a moment of space. I don't really do formal events well. They're… kinda boring."

Lightning made a noise of understanding and agreement. "You aren't the only one. I certainly wouldn't be in this dress or these awful shoes if Serah hadn't insisted on it. If she wasn't my sister…" Her voice trailed off, shaking her head.

Hope studied her dress discreetly, like he had throughout the entire ceremony. It was a pale sky blue color, which he thought matched her eyes perfectly. Designed by Lebreau, another of Snow's former comrades, the dress had a halter-top, which left Lightning's well-toned arms bare. The soft fabric came from around her neck and criss-crossed in the front, making for a plunging v-shaped neckline. Hope was grateful for the slight growth spurt he had, as it meant he would no longer get an eyeful of her breasts each time he faced her. The asymmetrical hem was cut at mid thigh on her left leg, fluttering and folding softly down to where it was cut just above her ankle on her right. Even her hair was styled in a more feminine manner, a few curling pink wisps brushing against her cheek. Overall, Hope thought she looked stunning.

Aware that he might've been looking too long without saying a word, he glanced away with a shrug, feigning indifference. "It's not that bad," he offered.

Lightning snorted. "I look ridiculous."

"I think you look beautiful."

Then Hope's heart leapt into his throat as he realized what he just said. Paralyzed by fear, he stared fixedly at the crystal pillar that now supported Cocoon as his face burned. His head pounded. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't _think._ He just wanted to disappear.

Lightning looked down at him, arms folded, brow arched. Then she chuckled softly, shaking her head. Her hand reached out and tousled his silver hair. Hope winced at her touch, but worked up the courage to glance her way and crack a small smile.

They stood together in silence, staring at the crystallized form in front of them as it twinkled and shimmered in the sunlight. They remained that way for some time, until Lightning broke the silence:

"You miss her, don't you? Vanille, I mean. It seemed you two were pretty close back then."

Hope looked up at Lightning in surprise. He couldn't fathom how she came to that conclusion, especially when Vanille knew of his crush on Light long before he had admitted it to himself. Still, they were close. She always knew how to make him feel at ease. Perhaps because the girl from Oerba was the only one could confide in about his infatuation.

"Yeah, I guess I do, a bit." Hope finally replied. "But her heart always belonged to Fang. And now they're together, forever."

Lightning didn't reply and again they stared at the crystal together in silence. The sun was starting to sink lower, painting the sky with streaks of crimson and gold, and bathing their bodies in a similar color. Hope glanced over at Lightning. The lighting suited her, he thought, as it made her pink hair and pale skin look even more radiant. He found it hard to swallow again, and it made him wonder if it was going to be like this for him every time she was near. In the midst of his despair, a nagging voice popped into his head.

_ Tell her how you feel!_

He fidgeted, glancing up nervously at the woman beside him. She looked so beautiful, it made his chest hurt. There was no way she would take him seriously.

_ Tell her!_

Hope closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"Uh, L-Light?" Hope stammered, biting his lip. The woman looked at him, her keen eyes staring into his own.

"I'm… joining the Expeditionary Corps. I've been thinking about it since my birthday, and I think the time is right to go."

Lightning sighed, "I had a feeling something big was going on with you, the way you've been acting. You're sure about this, Hope?" The teen nodded, thinking, _have I really been acting that odd? Great…_

"Then I guess the only thing I can say is, I wish you the best, and stay safe."

Hope blushed a little at her words, but he smiled hesitantly, encouraged.

"I still want to become stronger, you know, just like back when I chose to follow you." Hope pause to study her expression, fearful he was about to ramble, trying to delay what he needed to say. He inwardly steadied himself for what he would say next.

"Back then, I did it for myself, to give myself a reason to keep going after…" Hope's words failed him for a moment, but Lightning nodded in understanding. "B-but now…" He willed himself to continue "now, I-I want to be stronger… for you, Light."

The woman blinked in surprised bemusement. Her brow furrowed, trying to make sense of what Hope had said. He cringed at her expression, mistaking it for a scowl. But he had gone this far; there was no turning back now. Trembling, he stepped forward, taking her hands in his, causing her to drop her shoes. He noticed the sharp contrast between the calluses of her fingers and the softness of her palms, where her gloves would normally cover her hands.

"Hope…?" Lightning's voice sounded surprised. Hope kept his gaze focused on his hands holding hers, realizing how much his hands have grown since the last time they had touched hers. They were the same size, a bit bigger, in fact.

"I know that... that right now, you just see me as a kid, b-but I won't be one forever," he glanced up for a moment before dropping his eyes back down and continuing, "W-what I hope is that in that time, I'll have grown into a man, a man that is worthy… of your love." Lightning's eyes had grown wide as his confession continued to tumble from his lips. "Please, give me a chance to earn your love. I know… you've earned mine."

Hope was shaking uncontrollably now. He couldn't even raise his head anymore to look into her eyes. So he did the only thing he could think to do; he kissed her.

He was surprised at how soft her lips were, how warm they felt. Hope wanted to commit the sensation to memory, in case it was the last time. A thrill of pleasure shot through his body, warming him from deep within. Shocked by this new feeling, the teen pulled away, breaking the kiss as fast as he started it. He turned and would've run back down the hill if Lightning's hand upon his shoulder hadn't stopped him.

"Hope-"

He heard the beginnings of a lecture in her voice and decided to stop her before she began. His ears burned enough as it was.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, green eyes tearing up as he stared at his shoes. "This will probably be the last time we'll be seeing each other for a while. I leave for training the day after tomorrow… Goodbye." Hope shrugged off her hand and walked a brace of steps before stopping again. He turned his head slightly, but still couldn't bring himself to turn around and fully look at her.

"I love you, Light."

And then he ran down the hill, leaving Light staring after him, trying to comprehend what just happened.


	2. Next Time, This Time

_**Holy Crap! I published the prologue Monday afternoon/evening, and went off to work on chapter 1. When I checked my email Tuesday morning, by inbox was FLOODED with nearly three dozen reviews, saves and faves! A HUGE thank you to you all! I've spent every free moment I had working on this chapter just for you. I hope you like it.**_

_**Disclaimer: Second verse, same as the first!**_

_**And now, on to chapter 1!**_

* * *

**Next Time, This Time**

"Ah, Captain Farron!" Lieutenant Colonel Amodar's voice boomed, "So good to run into you in the mess hall. It's certainly been a while. How's the promotion treatin' you?"

Captain Lightning Farron looked up at the burly figure approaching her, her stern features softening slightly in recognition. She attempted to salute her commanding officer, but the hot cup of coffee in her hand made her think twice. Instead, she bowed at the waist slightly. "Good morning, sir. It has been a while."

Amodar chuckled a bit, looking down at the mere slip of a woman before him. "Word out in the field is that you and your platoon are puttin' men twice as seasoned as yourself to shame. Hell, I'm surprised you haven't passed me yet in rank!"

"Sir, I'm sure those are just exaggerations," Lightning replied demurely. _Same old Amodar, _she thought, _still laying the compliments on nice and thick._

"Heh, well, whatever you're doing, keep it up. Makes the rest of 'em sit up and take notice. Not to mention gets 'em off their asses and try to do better themselves. Hear you're gettin' a transfer in today? Some new up and comer that's just about as brilliant as you were, I hear."

"Yes sir. He's a replacement for staff sergeant Nerese, whose recommendation for officer training was accepted. He is to report to me in about a hour."

"Well, then, I won't keep you. Oh, and I also heard you and your men are also scheduled for deployment soon as well. Northern Highplain Outpost is it? It'll be tough for the new guy to fit in on such short notice."

Lightning shrugged slightly, "It can't be helped. There are reports coming from Mah'habara of a possible renegade Fal-cie interfering with the Fal-cie Atomos' terraforming. Nearly all the mining operations have been halted because of it. Besides, if he's as good as they say he is, I'm sure he'll have little trouble fitting in."

"I'm sure you know best," the Lieutenant Colonel's large features broke into an easy grin. "It was nice seeing you again, Farron. Oh, and tell your sister and her husband I said congrats. This is gonna be what, their second child? They got the due date yet?"

"Third, sir. They have twins already, a boy and a girl. And she's informed me that she's not giving birth to this one until I return from deployment," Lightning said the last part with a slight smirk.

"Ha, ha! Yeah, that sounds just like Serah. Well, have a good one, Farron," Amodar raised a beefy hand in goodbye.

"Sir."

Lightning left the officer's canteen with her coffee, lost in thought. She barely acknowledged the two soldiers who stopped to salute her as she walked to her barracks. Her mind was on the new soldier arriving today.

She hadn't told Amodar that she was already familiar with her new second-in-command.

How long has it been? Five years? Hope had certainly put the time to good use, having made the rank of sergeant by his twentieth birthday. Lightning thought back to the last time she had seen him. He had still been very much a boy, all big eyed and awkward limbs, in spite of what he had gone through as a l'cie. She entered the barracks, and nodded to the corporal sitting behind the desk as she opened the door to her office. One of the perks of being an officer was the privacy it offered. The downside, in her opinion, was the unnecessary paperwork that came along with the position. It was as she was flipping through the neat stack of papers left previously on her desk by the corporal that she remembered her last encounter with Hope before he started training. She paused her actions for a moment to relive the memory. He had been so serious, so melodramatic, in the way that only teenagers can be when they make important life decisions. She had done a similar thing by changing her name and inventing a new persona when her and Serah's mother died when Lightning was just fifteen. Hope has confessed his undying love for her- or some such silliness- held her hands, and kissed her. She chuckled softly. It had been a brief, but not unpleasant, experience, and Hope had run away like a frightened chocobo yearling after it was all said and done. _It'll be good to see him again,_ she mused.

Lightning sat at her desk, steadily working through the paperwork and drinking her coffee. She nearly lost all track of time, and, as she reached for another sip of coffee, she heard a knock on her door.

"Come in."

The corporal entered, and snapping a smart salute, announced, "Captain, Sergeant Estheim is here to report for duty."

"Mm. Very good, Corporal Tay. Show him in."

"Ma'am," replied the corporal, quickly disappearing back behind the door. She heard the muffled voice on the other side say; "the captain will see you now."

Lightning stood up as the door to her office opened, her face devoid of any emotion. The young man who walked in barely resembled the boy of her memories. He came to attention and saluted before her desk. His features were blank, eyes fixed on a far off point above and behind Lightning's head.

"Captain Farron, Sergeant Hope Estheim, reporting for duty, ma'am," the tenor voice rang out. He barely moved a muscle after he spoke.

Lightning moved from behind her desk, a well-practiced frown on her face, as she appraised him. She stalked slowly around him. _He certainly has grown up,_ she thought to herself. He stood nearly a head taller than her. Facing him head on, she was starting directly at his thin, long neck, Adam's apple slightly bobbing as he breathed. Gone was the baby fat that made his face soft and round. In its place were lean, high cheekbones and an angular, clean-shaven jaw. Dark brows arched over familiar green eyes. It was just about the only thing about him that was still familiar; that, and his hair, which still hung in shaggy, silvery locks about his ears. _At least he's managed to tame that cowlick of his_ Lightning mentally smirked. His frame too no longer had the teenager's awkward lankiness to it. Hope's broad shoulders were accentuated nicely by his uniform- the yellow parallel bars signifying his rank glowed softly on his left shoulder epaulet in the early morning light that came through Lightning's office window. His shoulders tapered to a trim waist and long legs, encased in well-fitting leather and Kevlar pants that are the de facto part of the Expeditionary Corps uniform for men. Well worn, but clean boots finished off the uniform. Overall, Hope looked like the model non-commissioned officer, Lightning surmised. She stopped at his side, facing him. Even though his eyes were facing forward, she knew he was watching her, waiting for her to speak.

"At ease, sergeant," she said. Then, relaxing her face into a smile, she added, "It's good to see you again, Hope." She offered him her hand.

The young man turned to face his captain, green eyes sparkling in a smile, "Light, it's been too long. You haven't changed a bit," he took her hand, squeezing it lightly.

Lightning paused a moment, noting the odd, breathless way he had said her nickname. She shrugged it off with a chuckle, "And you have changed a lot! Look at you, all grown up," she shook her head smiling. Then she gestured to the chair, "Have a seat."

Hope sat down in the proffered chair, not taking his eyes off Lightning as she stepped back behind her desk to sit opposite him. _Did she remember,_ he wondered. She was seated facing him now, the softness in her face disappearing somewhat.

"Now you know, when we're on duty, you'll have to not be so familiar around me. I'm your commanding officer now. I'm not the type to play favorites," she said mock sternly.

Hope smiled sheepishly at her, look that was familiar to her, "I understand, captain," he said softly, adding, "and can I say thank you for requesting me to join your platoon. It's a honor to serve under you." _Again,_ he added mentally.

Lightning waved a hand in dismissal, "I requested you because your previous commanding officers were idiots who didn't know how to utilize your talents right. Their inferiority complexes wouldn't let them put trust in a subordinate who knew more than they. That's the case with nearly all the soldiers who are a part of my platoon. I've looked at your record, Hope, it's quite exceptional," she informed him pointedly.

"Well, anyways, it's nice to be back at the Colony instead of being shipped from one frontier to the next," he replied, pleased at her compliment.

"Hm, well, enjoy it while you can. We got orders to investigate the mines at Mah'habara, so we'll be heading out and spending a couple of months or so out at the outpost on the Northern Highplain."

Hope smiled, "That's still more civilization than what I've been used to the past couple of years."

Lightning returned his smile and shook her head again. "You know," she began, "I still can't get over how much you've grown. I still have you in my memory as scared kid trailing behind me when we were still l'cie."

A slight pink came into Hope's cheeks, "Well, if it wasn't for you, I'd probably still be a scared kid," paused hesitantly, an uncertain light in his eyes, "um, permission to speak freely, captain?"

Lightning nodded, "Go ahead, Hope."

"The thing is… Well, do you remember Serah and Snow's wedding? You know, the last time we talked."

She nodded her pink-haired head again slowly, thinking, _he couldn't possibly be bringing _that_ up now… could he? Maybe he's apologizing for being such a dramatic kid back then._

He sighed, "Then you know why I went through all this. I wasn't joking back then, when I told you I loved you... I still do, you know, which is why I'm glad I'm here. I thought that if I serve under you, perhaps then I'll be able to get a chance at earning… your… love…" Hope's voice trailed off as all expression started to leave Lightning's face.

"That's enough, sergeant," she said softly as she rose out of her chair.

"Light…" Hope breathed, a slight look of pain on his face.

"I said that's _enough_, sergeant," Lightning repeated firmly, ice creeping into her voice. "Now go introduce yourself to my two squad leaders, Sergeants Rassler and Luzzu. You'll be working closely with them, as they'll be reporting directly to you as my second-in-command. Dismissed."

"I-"

"_Dismissed_, Sergeant Estheim," Lightning snapped, "Don't make me repeat myself again."

Hope stood up and saluted her, carefully keeping his face free of emotion. "Captain," was all he said before taking his leave.

As the door closed behind him, Lightning let out an irritated sigh, rubbing her fingers across her forehead, and then pinching the bridge of her nose. She looked down at her nearly finished coffee, reaching for it to take a sip. Cold. _Damnit_, she swore to herself. "Corporal!"

Corporal Tay poked her head into Lightning's office, "Ma'am?" she squeaked, knowing just by her tone that the captain was clearly irritated about something.

"Unless they're dead or dying, or unless it's my sister calling and saying she's going to the hospital, I do _not_ wish to be disturbed for the rest of the day until the squads are back from their march and out on drills. Understood?" Lightning said darkly.

"Yes, ma'am."

"As a matter of fact, I don't care if they _are_ dying. I _don't_ want to be bothered. Do I make myself clear?"

"As crystal, captain."

"Oh, and another thing, corporal."

"Yes, captain?"

"Get me another cup of coffee, will you?" Lightning sighed, "It's gonna be a long morning."

_Well that failed miserably_, Hope thought gloomily to himself as he crossed the dusty ground to the building where his new comrades were. He hardly expected her to jump into his arms, but he didn't expect to be treated that coldly either. Did she really feel nothing for him at all? What confused him most of all was how warm and open she had been to start, like the Light he had known in his past, who would confide in him things few others were privileged to know. And then, at the slightest mention of love, she had turned from Light to Lightning, professional soldier: cold and detached from her surroundings. Just like that. Hope sighed, pushing his personal thoughts aside as he stepped inside the noisy din of the barracks. Now, where were those two sergeants he was supposed to introduce himself to? Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a stocky, redheaded man approaching him. _Ah, now which one is he_, Hope wondered, _Rassler, or…_

"Hey, you must be the new guy. The name's Luzzu, Niall Luzzu, leader of Squad B," the man introduced himself, square fingered hand extended in greeting. He was about the same height as Hope; his red hair was short and spiky. Hope liked him immediately; he had a kind twinkle in his dark eyes that put you right at ease. Hope shook the man's hand. "Sergeant Hope Estheim, nice to meet you."

"Come on, I'll introduce you to Rassler," Luzzu said, clapping him on the shoulder in encouragement to follow.

Hope was led past about a score of men who were joking and swearing, disassembling, cleaning and reassembling their weapons. The camaraderie was very evident. They were approaching a large dark haired man who had just put his weapon away. Luzzu called out to him.

"Oi, you, say hello to Sergeant Estheim. This is Shen Rassler, head of A Squad. He's a bit of a loud mouthed ass, but his bark's worse than his bite." Rassler stood up, scowling slightly at his counterpart.

Hope blinked a bit in surprise. Rassler was a large man; he was as tall as Snow, though not nearly as massively built. He had a face that reminded him of the hawks he had seen while he was stationed on the coastal frontier. His olive skin made his grey eyes seem even more piercing. A thin dark line of a beard traced his jaw line.

"So you're the new guy that's in charge of making sure we do what the captain tells us to, huh? Nice to meet you. I take it then you've seen the Iron Lady this morning? Has she yelled at you yet?" Rassler wasn't even waiting for Hope to answer. "Don't worry," the large man laughed, a booming sound that nearly silenced all the men in the room, "she will, sooner or later."

Hope just stared at the man for a moment, perplexed. "Iron…Lady…?"

Luzzu chuckled beside him, "It's our nickname for Captain Farron," he explained.

Rassler chimed in, "Yeah, I've never met anyone as tough as her, even back in the old PSICOM days. Holds us all up to the highest damn standards in all the Corps, including herself. That's why we're the best platoon they got. Others may be bigger, but quality over quantity, I always say."

"Except during chow time," Luzzu teased.

"Hey, who's being the ass now?" the larger man arched a hawkish brow at his counterpart.

"So, uh, why's everyone cleaning their weapons?" Hope cut in, jerking a thumb behind him.

"We're scheduled to do a PE hike in full kit 'round the perimeter of Colony," Luzzu replied. "The Home Guard's pretty much taken care of any monsters nearby, but you never know when the odd one will appear. After that, we'll be doing some sparring out in the yard."

"Where the Iron Lady will probably give you a good thrashing," added Rassler, pointing a large, long finger at Hope. "She's done it to all of us. Consider it your initiation."

Hope's eyes grew wide. "No time for lunch?" He asked, disappointed.

"We'll be bringing rations to eat on the hike. Why the face?" Laughed Rassler, looking at Hope, "Never eaten on the go?"

"All too often," he grumbled. He had been looking forward to some real food.

"Ah, well, one more day won't kill ya."

"It's about time, we should be heading out before it starts getting hot," said Luzzu.

Rassler nodded. "All right maggots!" He bellowed out over their heads, causing Hope to flinch and Luzzu to smile. "Playtime's over. Let's get this show on the road!" The men from both squads jumped into action, shouldering their gear and filing out the door in a fast, orderly fashion.

"Well, sergeants, shall we?" Hope asked, grinning and looking at both men.

"After you, sergeant," Luzzu gestured with his hand, squarish face breaking into an easy smile. "You're the boss, after the captain, that is."

Smiling, Hope strode forward; the two men fell in step behind him. _This wasn't too bad_, he thought. _Perhaps a good quick march will clear my head. I'm not giving up on you, Light,_ he promised himself, _you can't push me away that easily._


	3. The Edges Of Your Day

_**This was actually completed yesterday, and was originally going to be a part of the previous chapter. However, as I was writing, I realized two things. One, it really didn't fit with the feel I was going for in the previous chapter, and two, if I had kept it in, the chapter would have been biblicaly long. In fact, this next bit grew to be so long, I wound up making it into two chapters. So I hope this will keep you all happy, as there probably won't be any updates over the weekend. Also I changed the rating, just to be safe.**_

_**I'd write the disclaimer again, but I'm presuming you all read it in the Prologue, and I hate repeating myself.**_

_**You know the drill...**_

* * *

**The Edges Of Your Day**

Later that evening, Lightning was back home at her apartment, cleaning up after dining with her sister, niece and nephew.

"You know, you don't have to keep coming over here and making me dinner, Serah," she said to her sister, as she put the last of the dishes away.

Serah smiled, shaking her head, "I'm not just doing for you, you know. Snow's on the night duty this week, and as much as I love my kids, spending the entire day with only them and no adult conversation would drive me insane. And I just got that recipe from Lebreau, too. So I needed someone to test it on."

"Gee, thanks," Lightning said sarcastically, but she was smiling.

Lightning felt a bit guilty about Snow working at night. It had been her stipulation that if Snow wanted to start a family with her sister, he had to get some sort of job to support them. There was no way in hell she was going to let him bum around like he did back in Bodhum. So Snow decided to do the only thing he knew how to do. Along with his friends, Gadot and Yuj, as well as other citizens, and with guidance from the military, they created the community watch that eventually became the Colony Home Guard. The patrols were on a rotating schedule, so that everyone got a chance to spend time with their families. While this was fair, it didn't make Lightning feel any better about the idea of her sister being home alone at night, especially at seven months pregnant. So her protests at Serah's coming over were only token ones at best.

Lightning poured two cups of tea, and handing one to her sister, sat down across from her sister at the table. They sat for a moment; savoring their tea and watching the twins play in Lightning's small sitting room. At four years old, they were a perfect blend between their parent's features. Vanille was as bubbly as her namesake, while Lightning thought she could see a bit of herself in Jaq, at least when he had one of his rare quiet moments. Playing with his sister now, he clearly wasn't having one of them.

"So you'll be leaving for the Northern Highplain in a week?" Serah asked.

Lightning nodded, "Just some routine stuff," she answered, not wanting to worry about her sister.

Serah saw through her. "Don't worry, Snow will be back on the day shift by then. I won't be lonely. We'll be fine," she added, patting her rounded stomach.

"I don't know how you do it. If it were me, I'd have quit while I was ahead, having lucked out by getting one of each on the first try."

"If it was _you,_ you wouldn't have had any kids at all!" Serah laughed, "Besides, this is all a part of Snow's dream for a big, happy family." Lightning merely smiled.

Changing the subject back to Lightning's work, Serah asked, "I hear Hope has transferred to your command. How is he?"

"All grown up," Lightning chuckled. "I hardly recognized him, to be honest."

"I can't believe it, I haven't seen him since the wedding." Serah shook her head, "You know, he had such huge crush on you back then."

Lightning placed her cup down and rolled her eyes, momentarily reminded of this morning. "I'm sure it was just a phase. He was still at an easily impressionable age then."

"I dunno. He's almost as stubborn as you. Remember when we were watching him those two weeks before we found his father?"

"How can I forget?" Lightning replied, recalling how they had butted heads on more than a few occasions, usually with Serah siding with Hope.

"Well, I'm just saying, once he has a goal in mind, he rarely ever quits until he achieves it."

Lightning kept silent, bringing her cup to her lips thoughtfully. She was recalling Hope's Project Nora. And what he had said to her this morning. _I wasn't joking back then, when I told you I loved you…_

"Claire, did Hope ever tell you his feelings for you?" Serah inquired, holding her cup with both hands.

"Serah!" Lightning exclaimed, annoyed. "Tch… Why, did he tell you something back then?"

"Didn't have to. It was pretty obvious. Well, except to you, perhaps. You never did have good intuition when it came to matters of the heart."

The elder Farron sister glared at the younger one. Turning away, she crossed her bare arms under her chest and spoke, "Anyways, it's all irrelevant now. He's my subordinate, and any romantic ideas Hope may or may not still have about me are kind of out of the question."

"Uh-huh…" Serah murmured. She paused, looking at her sister with narrowed eyes. "Have _you _ever had any romantic ideas about Hope?"

"I think that's quite enough, Serah," Lightning grumbled, turning back to face her sister.

"Well?"

"What part of 'I'm his commanding officer now' do you have a hard time understanding?"

"You didn't answer my question. You may be his commanding officer, but you're also a woman, and he's now a man. You can't tell me you and Hope weren't close." Serah was clearly not going to back down.

Lightning sighed, "To be honest, I've never really thought about it. It was just… nice to have him around," the corner of her mouth twitched and she shrugged.

Serah smiled at her sister, a gentle light in her eye. She had given up so much so that she could provide for them both. Sacrificing her own happiness for Serah's sake many times over. She felt very lucky to have Lightning as a sister, but she wished for once that she would think of her own happiness for a change.

The sisters finished their tea in silence, watching the children. Then with a bit of an effort, Serah rose from her chair, waving off Lightning's attempt to assist her. "Well, I guess I should get home and get these two to bed. Vivi! Jaq!" She called, "Time to go home."

The twins groaned in reluctance, but they did as they were told, putting their toys back in the bag they brought them in.

"Auntie C," Jaq said, looking up at Lightning, "can you bring me back a behemoth claw when you come back?"

Lightning smiled. "We'll see."

"Hey, what about me?" piped up Vanille, bouncing up and down. Nicknamed Vivi due to her full name, Vanille Villiers, she really did remind Lightning of her namesake. Her strawberry blond hair was also in pigtails.

"I'll see about picking up one of those necklaces the miners make. Would you like that?" The little girl nodded excitedly.

"Alright, you two, say goodnight to your Auntie C, and let's get going." Serah called as she walked to the door. The twins said "goodnight!" simultaneously, each hugging one of Lightning's bare, muscular legs. She looked awkward, but she smiled warmly down at the two, brushing her hands gently over each of their heads.

Lightning turned the knob and held the door open for her sister and her brood. "See you tomorrow night?" She asked.

Serah smiled. "Of course," she replied.

"Of course." Lightning laughed.

The sisters said their goodbyes and the children waved at their aunt, who waved back. Lightning closed the door behind them and sighed contentedly. It was good seeing her sister so happy, she decided.

Hope was on his way back to his apartment, after spending dinner with his father. It had been a good visit, and he couldn't believe how much Colony had changed, how much more like Cocoon it felt. He knew his father had much to do with this. His knowledge had helped everyone's lives for the better. For the first time in a while, he had felt proud of his dad. He entered the elevator, pressed the button and winced in pain as he leaned back against its metal side as it glided up to his floor.

Hope was sore, but in relatively good spirits. Aside from the morning, it had been a good day, getting to know his new subordinates, marching with them, eating and joking, even sparring with them when the returned in the afternoon. For a change, it felt as though his input and pointers were actually valued by the soldiers he gave it to. Things had been going great, then Lightning had stepped into the yard, and as Rassler promised, gave him a solid thrashing.

In the beginning of the fight, he had felt fairly confident. Since being stationed out on the frontier, Hope had taken to using the same weapon as Light, the blazefire saber, since the chances of running out of ammo were always high, and its dual purpose functionality was always handy. While he knew his proficiency was nowhere near to that of Light's, he had his own ace up his sleeve, as it were. He still had the AMP-powered manadrive that Snow had given him years ago, and while his hand had long outgrown the original glove, he had the manadrive placed into another glove. When he was a l'cie, he became quite skilled at wielding the magic his brand gave him. The manadrive wasn't nearly as powerful as the l'cie magic, but still packed a pretty decent punch. With it, Hope had managed to put Light on the defensive a couple of times, dodging balls of fire here and bolts of lightning there. Then she started to close the gap between them, rendering any spell casting useless, lest he hurt himself in the process, and he had to fight her, blade against blade. It was her sheer speed, not just her skill alone that he had found hard to keep up with. He'd no sooner be parrying her attack than another would come from the opposite direction. His unfortunate end came when he had foolishly thought he could finally read her movements, and as he went into an attack after countering her, she had deftly parried him, flicking his weapon out of his hand like she had plucked a toy from a child. She brought her leg up as she did so, striking him in the back of his calves and sending him flat on his back. Gasping for the air she had so ruthlessly knocked out of him, he rolled away, making a grab for his saber, but Light had anticipated this, and as he started to rise, he found the tip of her blade at his throat.

_At least she didn't break any of my bones,_ Hope sighed. The bell chimed, informing him he was at his floor. Hope stepped out of the elevator, and as he did so, he thought he had heard a familiar voice speaking to him from down the hall.

"Could you hold the door please?" A woman called. She had two children in tow, and looked like another was on its way. There was something about her face though that he thought he recognized. His eyes grew wide as the woman approached him.

"Serah?"

"Hope!" Serah exclaimed, looking up at him in surprise. "What are you doing here? Are you here to see Light?"

Hope was puzzled. "I… live here… Wait, Light lives here as well?"

"Mm-hmm. Last door down on the left," Serah replied, indicating where she had just came from. "My goodness, just look at you! You've certainly grown up, just like Light said." She had an odd look in her eye as she said this, which made Hope wonder.

Externally though, he chuckled and said, "Yeah, I had to eventually, I guess. I'm even taller than my dad now."

"How is your father these days?"

"Good. Busy, like usual, but he's doing so much good for the Colony, I can't really fault him for that. And it's not like I haven't been busy either."

"Mommy?" A little girl's voice spoke up from below.

Hope looked down and saw a little girl with Serah's face and strawberry blonde pigtails. Beside her was blond haired boy with a serious face. They looked to be close in age.

"Vivi, this is Hope, he's a friend of ours. These are my twin monsters, Jaq and Vanille," Serah said, hugging the two close to her as she spoke. Hope smiled in recognition of the girl's name.

"I was named after the lady that turned into crystal and saved the world!" Vivi informed him.

"I know," Hope replied, smiling down at her. "I knew that lady before she turned to crystal, just like your parents and aunt did." The little girl's eyes grew wide in wonder.

"Are you a soldier like Auntie C?" The little boy, Jaq, inquired, and Hope smiled grew wider at the name he called Light.

"I am. As a matter of fact, she's my captain."

"Woah…" he whispered in admiration.

"Well kiddos, we should let this soldier stop holding the elevator for us so he can go home and get some rest. It's nearly past your bedtimes as well." Serah told her children. Hope realized the door was bucking under his hand as he was holding it open. She herded the twins past Hope and onto the elevator, and they waved goodbye at him frantically until the door slid shut. The young man chuckled and waved back.

Hope walked down the hall to his apartment. He was at his door, about to unlock it, when he paused and looked farther down the hall. Lightning's apartment was down there. His light mood suddenly disappeared, and mentally he hemmed and hawed over what to do. He bit his lip. The muscles flexed in his jaw at his frustration over his indecision. Sighing irritably, he walked the rest of the way down the hall to where Serah had said her apartment was. _What the hell,_ he thought darkly, _you won't know until you try._ Hope paused in front of Lightning's door, taking a deep breath to center himself. _Here we go…_


	4. Outta Me, Onto You

**Outta Me, Onto You  
**

Lightning looked up from her reading when she heard the knock on her door. _Did Serah forget something, _she thought, as she got up off the couch and walked into the kitchen on her way to the door, glancing at the counters to see if anything was amiss. Seeing nothing, she was half puzzled, half cautious about who was knocking on her door. She reached it as whomever it was knocked for the second time.

"Who is it?" Lightning inquired, hand on the doorknob, body tensed and ready.

"It's Hope."

His voice on the other side of the door made her heart stop beating for a moment. Quickly composing herself, she cracked the door open just wide enough to peer up at his face. Hope was standing there, the jacket of his uniform was partially unzipped, and his gloves were tucked into his belt. He was unconsciously wringing his hands.

"What are you doing here?" Lightning asked coldly.

Feeling a bit of déjà vu, Hope answered, "I live down the hall…"

_Of course he would, half the damn barracks lives here,_ she thought, annoyed. Hope was still talking.

"…I met Serah at the lift and she told me you lived here… Look, can I come in? I feel kind of odd." He glanced down the hall anxiously.

With a sigh, Lightning opened the door wider, tilting her head, indicating to him to enter.

"What do you want?" She asked, closing the door behind him. She leaned against it, crossing her arms.

Hope took a moment to appraise her before answering. Standing there in just a sleeveless turtleneck sweater and leather skirt, she wasn't as intimidating as she was this morning dressed in full uniform. Her feet were bare; he didn't think he had ever seen her with bare feet before. _Still as beautiful as ever,_ he thought. She was looking at him expectantly.

"I just want to apologize for this morning. I know it was totally unprofessional and unbecoming of me as a soldier to speak of such personal matters. It won't happen again, you have my word." Hope looked her directly in the eye as he spoke, unflinching.

Lightning arched a brow. "Practice that on the way here?" She smirked, pushing herself off the door, ready to turn and open it again. "Is that all?"

"And I wanted to give you these," Hope paused and unzipped his uniform's jacket, pulling out some papers. "These are my official transfer papers. You uh… dismissed me before I could give them to you. I was going to wait to give them to you tomorrow morning, but since you're here, and I'm here, I figured…" He shrugged and extended the hand holding the papers out towards Lightning.

Lightning's lips formed a silent "oh" as she reached forward and took the papers from him, her fingertips slightly brushing up against the his fingers. Hope smiled easily at her, his face open and honest like she remembered. She sighed, not having the desire to be angry anymore with him.

"Can I get you anything?" She said finally.

"Do you have a beer? I've just had dinner at dad's and he doesn't drink. After a day like today, I could really use one."

Lightning smiled, uttering a small "hmph" as she strode past him to the fridge. She opened the door and pulled out two bottles, popping the tops off both and handed one to Hope, who winced as he reached for it.

"I didn't hurt you too badly this afternoon, did I?" Lightning asked, noticing the pain on his face.

"I'll live," Hope noticed she looked in perfect health, as if she hadn't fought at all.

"Well, consider that pain as a sign that you're now a part of the team," she clinked her bottle against his. "Congratulations," she said and took a drink. Hope drank with her, and she watched him as she did, stopping and swallowing her own beer while continued. She leaned back on the counter with her elbow and chuckled, shaking her head. Hope heard her and he put his beer down.

"What's so funny, Light? You've been looking at me like that since I first walked into your office this morning."

"I guess I just can't believe you're grown up and old enough to live on your own and drink beer," she replied, still chuckling softly.

A slightly annoyed look crossed his features, dark brows furrowing. "I wish you'd stop thinking like that," he said peevishly.

"You're right, and I'm sorry Hope. You deserve better than that," Lightning replied solemnly.

They fell into a comfortable silence, drinking. Then Hope spoke:

"Light, do you feel… _anything_… for me at all? Or was I just imagining things all these years?"

"Hope…" Lightning sighed in mild exasperation, raking her fingers through her pink hair. _Not this again..._

"Oh, come on. We're off duty now. You don't have to be the captain," he had almost said "Iron Lady" and mentally cursed Rassler. "Please, Light… I've got to know. It's all I've been thinking about these past five years." His eyes pleaded with hers.

Lightning looked away, her brow knitted together, eyes closed. "It doesn't matter what I feel, Hope. I'm your commanding officer, and there's no way a relationship like the one you're proposing would be looked upon in good favor."

"...So you do feel something," Hope said softly.

"I didn't say that."

"But you didn't say you felt nothing either," he retorted. Lightning gave him a piercing look, which he returned.

"Hope, it's so much more... complicated than that," she sighed, putting her left hand to her face and wrapping the right one around her middle. Hope thought for a moment that she looked rather vulnerable that way, and it surprised him to see her like that. It was the first time he ever seen her with all her defenses down.

"What's so complicated about love?" Hope asked softly. Lightning looked up at him, and he could see in her eyes that she was fighting a battle inside. Lightning simply stared at him for some time, her arm still wrapped about her waist as the other rested at her side, not quite understanding how he could see things so naively. His eyes were so full of compassion, so full of _love_; she didn't think she could take much more.

Hope then reached for her hand, and Lightning watched as if she was detached from her own body as he brought her hand up to his lips and kissed it, caressing her knuckles with his lips. His green eyes peered over knuckles down into her eyes. It was the look, more than the kiss, that sent a tremor through her arm down into her core, reminding her she was very much still in her body.

"Tell me," he murmured, "tell me you don't feel anything when I kiss your hand."

Lightning's lips parted in a barely audible gasp as Hope bent his head and kissed her hand again after he spoke. She wanted to pull away, but her body refused to listen. She could only watch as he lowered her hand away from his lips. The hand that had held hers then trailed feather light touches up and down her bare arm, causing the arm that she still had wrapped about herself to loosen its hold and slip away. Hope reached over and started to stroke that arm as well.

"Tell me you don't feel anything when I caress your skin."

Hope's low whisper made Lightning flick her pale blue eyes up to his. They were half lidded and darkened with desire. She wanted to break away from this spell it seemed he had cast over her, but the more she fought, the more her body seemed to respond to his touch. There was nowhere for her to go anyways, Hope had surrounded her and the counter was at her back. Her breath started to quicken out of nervousness and desire. _Desire?_ The thought shocked her, but her body still only listened to Hope's touch.

His hands had trailed up to her bare shoulders, caressing them. Then his left hand skimmed softly down her back while his right stroked through her hair. Hope stepped closer to her, and Lightning's senses were flooded with the smell of leather and the warmer, masculine scent that could only belong to Hope himself. He tilted his head down towards hers; she could feel his warm breath on her face as he breathed softly and as quickly as she.

"Tell me," he breathed, angular feature drawing closer to hers, "that you don't feel anything when I kiss you."

"Hope…" What Lightning thought would come out as a protest came out as breathy, begging plea, the warmth she felt in her stomach started to grow.

When his lips had touched hers, Lightning had put her palms up against his chest, with the intention of pushing him away. She could feel the heat of his body through the thin, black t-shirt he wore beneath his jacket, as well as the lean, hard muscle that lay beneath the material. The hand Hope had placed on her back stroked her spine, while the one that had stroked her hair was now caressing her jaw and neck.

His lips were soft and teasing against hers. Where Lightning had thought he would be pushy and aggressive, Hope instead was playing with her lips, as if daring her to kiss him back. He licked at her lips gently, causing her to gasp slightly. Hope pressed the kiss deeper then, but only for a moment before pulling back slightly, waiting to see if she would do something. He repeated this a few times, and each time, Lightning's resolve would crumble a bit further. Finally, the heat she felt deep inside turned into a fire and she could take no more. She reached up on her toes slightly, and returned his kiss with one of her own.

Hope shivered and moaned softly into her mouth as he felt her lips kissing him back, her tongue now teasing his. He closed his eyes, his grip on her waist tightened, pressing her body fully against his. He was surprised, knowing how strong she was, how fragile she felt in his arms. His other hand trailed down Lightning's jaw line to her neck, pulling the zipper of her turtleneck downward to just above her breasts. He cupped one breast in his hand, stroking it gently through the fabric of her sweater.

Lightning's head swam and spun as each delicious sensation washed over her. She moaned when she felt Hope's hand claim her breast. Her hands slid up under his jacket to clutch at his shoulders, sinking her fingers deep into the muscle there. She was fully on her toes now, reliant on Hope's hand at her waist and the edge of the counter to keep her upright. She felt the hand Hope had on her breast slide lower, down the plain of her stomach, to rest on her hip, pulling her firmly into him. She felt his desire for her, pressing urgently against her body. Lightning gasped at this, just as Hope pulled his lips away from hers, trailing kisses down along her jaw, up to her ear, and down to her neck. She arched into him, tilting her head back as Hope nibbled and licked at her neck down to her exposed collarbone. Her right hand trailed up his neck and she twined her fingers into his silvery white hair at his nape. He responded to the way she arched into him by pressing himself more firmly against her groin, rubbing slightly. Lightning's skin felt like it was burning white-hot now, and she half gasped out his name.

Hope returned his lips to hers, his tongue flicking inside her mouth to caress her tongue. The hand he was using to hold her hip trailed lower, past the hem of her skirt, caressing the bare, smooth skin of her leg, before traveling back up her warm inner thigh. Lightning, her pulse hammering away inside her head, wasn't even aware of his hand, until his fingertips brushed up against her apex through the fabric of her underwear. Her body twitched at the shock of his touch, and Hope smiled into her mouth, pleased with the way she responded to his touch. He pressed his fingers against her again, more firmly this time, and Lightning bent one leg up at the knee, curling her toes.

Hope took this as a signal. Still kissing her, he lifted her up by her hips onto the counter, and stepped in between her knees. His hands caressed her thighs before slipping up underneath her skirt to tug down her underwear.

His hands pulling on her undergarments also pulled Lightning back to her senses. She twisted her thighs and hips away from him, grunting in protest. When that failed, she tried calling out to him.

"Hope, what are you doi-" he was smothering her with kisses. "Hope, sto-" and the flame of desire quickly turned into a flame of anger. She shoved him away.

"What the _hell_ do you think you were doing?" Lightning hissed.

Hope stumbled backwards, confused and upset. He looked at her and saw fury blazing in her eyes. Her breath was coming in short, sharp gasps, just like his. Light had enjoyed it, right? He didn't just imagine it…

"You were kissing me back," he said softly. "I know you were, and you liked it too. I heard you say my name."

"So you thought that gave you permission to take it to the next level?" Lightning snapped.

"Well you can't tell me you didn't like _that_ either!" Hope snapped back. With a mocking smile, he raised the hand he had touched her with and rubbed his fingers together, still feeling the dampness of her there.

Lightning leapt off the kitchen counter towards Hope and backhanded him. The _crack_ of her knuckles striking his cheek echoed.

"Get out," she snarled.

Hope backed away from Lightning without a word, his cheek a bright crimson where she struck him. His eyes were filled with hurt, confusion, and sadness. He turned away and walked to the door, shoulders slumped forward. He silently opened the door and let himself out; the sound of the latch clicking home was the only thing that was heard.

Lightning let out a breath she didn't even realize she had been holding. She turned and walked back to the counter, gripping the edge tightly. She closed her eyes and bent her head down to touch the coolness of the counter's surface. Then, covering her head with her arms, she let the big, shuddering dry sobs out as she fought for control of herself once more.


	5. The Hardest Word

_**So I lied. I really wanted to take a day or two off from writing this, because the last chapter was so emotionally draining to write (you write what you know...and I'll leave it at that). However, the story kept on poking me in the head, saying "hey lady, you gotta keep writing me". Sometimes I think this thing is really just writing itself and hijacking my body for its purpose. So enjoy.**_

* * *

**The Hardest Word**

Lightning arrived on base in a black mood that morning. She didn't want to take it out on the members of her platoon, she respected- and in her own offbeat way, cared for- them too much to do that. But oh, was it tempting today. The main cause of her ire, the person whom she wished to unleash all her fury upon was the young man with the silver white hair who stood immediately to attention as she entered her office.

"Awaiting your orders, captain." Hope said, voice flat, no emotion showing on his lean features. The mark she had left on his right cheek from their encounter the night before was a bright violet red mark against the paleness of his skin. She also noted faint, dark circles under his eyes.

She paused before answering her subordinate, wondering if he had put an odd twist in the way he had said 'captain'. Was he challenging her, daring her to say something? Or was her bad temper making her hear things that weren't really there?

She chose to ignore it either way and gestured at him to sit down, "I'm to brief you on our upcoming mission to the Mah'habara mines. This information is for your ears only." Lightning began to tell Hope their purpose for going out there, about the suspected renegade Fal-cie that was disrupting work there.

As she spoke, Lightning watched Hope carefully, looking for any hint of emotion. He kept his face perfectly blank, nodding in understanding at all the correct times, inquiring further about any given particular point in a polite, cool manner. Aside for the hollowness around his eyes, nothing in the way he carried himself indicated that something had happened last night. He was behaving true to his word, and it just made Lightning even more furious.

When she had finished briefing him, as well as telling him what she wanted the squads to do today, Hope inquired in that same polite, neutral voice he had been using, "Understood. Is that all, captain?"

Lightning nodded curtly, "That is all, sergeant. Dismissed."

Hope rose to his feet and snapped to attention before leaving. Lightning glared daggers at the door he exited. _This won't do_, she thought, realizing she needed diffuse the rage she felt inside before she did something inappropriate. She looked scornfully down at her paperwork. _Shooting range_, she thought, _that's it, I'll go to the gym at the officer's club, and then fire off a few rounds at the shooting range._ And she would still have time to get back and do her paperwork before she had to debrief Hope on the platoon's activities before going home. She ought to feel a little less murderous towards him by then. She strode out of her office.

"Corporal Tay, if anyone comes looking for me, I'll be at the gym in the officer's club and then the shooting range. I'll be back in my office after lunch."

"Yes, Captain Farron," came the reply.

Lightning walked out the door and into the sunlight of a Pulsian summer day. She took a big, cleansing breath.

"Right. Let's lay this beast to rest, shall we," she muttered to herself, stalking off in the direction of the officer's club.

Hope had barely slept last night.

He didn't even remember walking the half dozen or so doors down the hall to his own apartment after leaving Light's. All he could remember was the sound of her hand hitting him as it kept ringing in his ears, and the last words she spat out at him.

"_Get out!"_

He had stumbled to his bedroom, undressed, and crawled under the covers, shivering in a state of shock. He was ashamed that he had pushed it that far, ashamed that he deliberately got her so angry that she hit him. Her face appeared in his mind, it's beauty twisted into seething fury. Hope groaned angrily, punching the mattress repeatedly with his fist. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, fighting the prickling, burning sensation that he knew were the sign of tears wanting to be shed. If she had loved him - even just a little - before, she surely hated him now, he thought miserably. And it was his entire fault. Every muscle in his body clenched as another tremor wracked through his body. He felt as feverish and ill as he did after that accident he had on that school trip to the Sunleth Waterscape years ago.

When he opened his eyes again, the dim gleam of a metallic object on his bedside table caught his attention. Hope sat up, and reached out to touch the knife Lightning gave him for his fifteenth birthday. Bringing his knees up to his chest, he picked the up weapon, holding it out in front of him at arm's length as he examined it in the dim moonlight that filtered through his bedroom window. He flicked the blade open and shut, remembering what she had told him when she gave it to him.

_You're much stronger than you realize, Hope,_ she had said.

"I'm not strong as you thought I was, Light. Not then, not now. I'm sorry I failed you." Tears started to slip from his eyes as he whispered to himself.

Hope lost track of time as he sat there, opening and closing the knife repeatedly as the tears fell. The blade flashed in the darkness as it flicked out, and then back in. His mind wandered to back when he had first come to Gran Pulse as a l'cie. He had just overcome the challenge of his eidolon, Alexander, and the group was preparing to head to Oerba to look for any clues about changing their presumably doomed fate. He and Vanille were filling flasks of water. Back when they were in the Ark, she had confronted him about his feelings for Lightning, and while he had steadfastly denied it, she had finally dragged the truth out of him by the time they made it to the planet below. While they filled the flasks, Hope had been pondering the words Lightning had shared with him after he had defeated his eidolon. With those words in mind, he had asked the girl if she had ever been in love with someone who she knew would never return her feelings.

"_Is this about Light again?" Vanille had asked. When he didn't answer, she sighed and looked at him, tilting her head to the side. "Why don't you just tell her how you feel?"_

"_What, and be rejected for real? If you haven't noticed, I'm a bit too young for her at the moment. She'd just think I'm being a silly little kid again." Hope had sighed and squatted down by the stream bank. "And then there's this whole l'cie thing…" The boy had glanced at his wrist as he placed a flask in the water to fill it._

_Vanille placed her hands on her hips and looked down at Hope. "All the more reason to tell her."_

_He looked up at her as if she had completely lost her mind._

"_What? You won't know unless you try."_

_Hope had just laughed a humorless laugh, shaking his silvery head. He finished his task, gathered up the full flasks, and handing some to Vanille, he stood up. "Let's get going, we're done here," he had said, effectively ending the conversation. _

_They had almost made it back to camp when they had spotted Fang talking to Lightning. From the way the dark haired woman was gesturing, she must have been talking about the journey they were about to undertake. Hope had noticed the way Vanille's face rose and then fell at the sight of her companion, and his brow furrowed in curiosity at her reaction. The girl then spoke softly, mostly to herself than to him._

"_If you tell her, it will be one less thing to regret, whether you become a cie'th, or a crystal."_

Hope must've dozed off a bit, as the next thing he knew, the heavy metal of the knife's hilt fell upon his foot, startling him into consciousness. The skin of his cheeks felt tight where his tears had dried. They hadn't become cie'th, nor did they stay in crystal stasis. He had even managed to tell Lightning of his love for her. And yet he regretted anyways. Would it have been better to simply just long for her in silence? Loving her without her ever knowing, for as long as they both lived_? Perhaps it would have been better that way_, he thought sadly,_ if I had never told her I loved her, I'd have never become that… animal, and she wouldn't hate me now._ He lay his head back down on the pillow, holding the sheathed knife over his heart. His chest felt heavy and empty all at the same time as he stared up at the ceiling, knowing sleep wouldn't grace him with mercy this night.

When Hope arrived that morning on base, he was surprised that he hadn't been immediately met by MPs and dragged off in chains. Instead, he was met by Luzzu, who winced at the sight of his face. Before the man could say anything, Hope had just laughed, pretending to be embarrassed, saying that Rassler wasn't kidding when he told him that the "Iron Lady" would give him a beating. Inside though, he felt he deserved his mark of shame.

Hope was still expecting to be hauled off by MPs when he was in Lightning's office, awaiting orders. The thought scared him, but in a perverse, masochistic sort of way, he also welcomed it. Instead, it was only Light who entered, and she didn't have to look angry for Hope to know that she was positively boiling over. Even as she stoically briefed him on their coming mission, the air around her was lethal. This side of Lighting, the calm, emotionless exterior with the deadly intent underneath it, actually scared Hope more than whenever she had blown up in exasperation at him in the past. Leaving to inform the other two sergeants of their duties, the young man felt he had barely made it out of there alive.

For the entire day, he had been virtually waiting for her to mete out any form of punishment she felt was appropriate. So when Corporal Tay came to him about an hour after lunch and saluted, saying the captain wanted to see him, he merely nodded. _This is it_, he thought, and felt a strange sense of peace come over him. _Whatever she decides, I'll deserve it, because sorry definitely isn't going to cut it this time._

"Captain Farron! Captain Farron!"

Lightning was just leaving the shooting range when she looked up to see Lt. Colonel Amodar's attaché, Lieutenant Jyscal practically running in her direction. The man came to a halt in front of her and saluted, puffing slightly.

"Lieutenant Jyscal," Lightning acknowledged the salute, frowning with concern, "what's wrong?"

"The Lt. Colonel would like to see you in his office right away, ma'am."

"Understood," came the reply as Lightning followed Jyscal to Amodar's office.

When they arrived, Amodar greeted her warmly, but Lightning could sense something was wrong.

"Captain, have a seat, please."

"Something the matter, sir?" Lightning inquired as she sat down, crossing one leg over the other.

Amodar smiled slightly at her intuition, but it quickly vanished as he focused on what he had to tell her.

"The Northern Highplain Outpost lost communication with one of the settlements near the Mah'habara mines sometime this morning. We don't have much information yet, but they believe it was an attack."

"By that supposed renegade Fal-cie." Lightning finished for him.

Amodar grunted an affirmative. "It could just be a random attack by one of the King Behemoths that are native to the area, but with the situation the way it's been out there, we can't be too cautious. If it's attacked a settlement, it may get bold enough to attack the outpost. I've been informed by my superiors that you and your platoon are to head out ahead of schedule."

"Understood, sir. What kind of timeline are we looking at?"

"Well if it was up to the higher ups, they would have had you all ship out first thing tomorrow morning, but I know you've got a few people, including yourself, who got families and whatnot. So I'm giving you and your men all day tomorrow to get your personal affairs together. You leave the following morning at 0700. It will also give the outpost some time to gather reports on the incident, that way you won't be going in there totally blind."

"Thank you, sir. Will that be all?" Lightning inquired, getting ready to stand.

"Yes, dismissed."

Lightning rose and saluted her superior, and was at the door when Amodar called out to her.

"Oh, and Farron?"

Lightning turned back to face him. "Yes, Lt. Colonel?"

"Make sure you and your men come home in one piece, hm?" Amodar said kindly, shaking a finger at her in a fatherly manner.

Lightning's face softened into a small smile. "Of course, sir," she said, and left the office.

Lightning was waiting outside when Hope arrived. The frightening air she had about her this morning was gone, but he could tell something still wasn't quite right. She was standing with her arms crossed; her twin epaulets making her seem bigger, their parallel red bars glinting in the sunlight. A stray breeze made her small cape flutter outward, as well a few strands of her pink hair. Hope quickly squashed his admiring thoughts; _I don't deserve to do that_, he mused as he approached her.

"Captain, you wanted to see me?" Hope inquired, after saluting her, the knot in his stomach tightening a bit.

Lightning looked up at him, noticing the dark circles that she had seen under his eyes that morning had become progressively worse. "Sergeant, are the men still out on the obstacle course?"

"Yes ma'am, but they should be back pretty soon," Hope paused, noting her solemn expression. "Something wrong?"

Her eyebrow twitched as she thought of the irony of him asking her that question. But she knew he strictly meant it on a professional, not personal, matter. She informed him of the new orders she had just received from Lt. Colonel Amodar. Hope's eyes widened with surprise.

"The Corps are really taking this threat seriously," he muttered.

"The Mah'habara mines are the biggest, and so far, only major source of raw materials for the Colony," replied Lightning. "We need them to keep functioning, and any interference with them is a major blow."

"Shall I tell the men the change in orders?"

"No, it's best if I do it. Have them all assembled here in ten minutes."

"Yes ma'am," Hope saluted her and set off to fetch the troops.

Minutes later, Lightning was informing the platoon on what had happened. A murmur of concern swept through the ranks.

"These people need ridding of this scourge, now more than ever. Luckily for them, the Corps decided to send them their best," Lightning smiled at her men momentarily, and then returned to her serious demeanor. "This will likely be the toughest mission we as a team have ever been on, and possibly, some of us may not come back. As soldiers, we make many sacrifices, it is probably the first thing we learn upon signing up, before we even learn how to fight, or fire a weapon. We come to understand that we could, at any time, be called upon to make the ultimate sacrifice. While this is never a pleasant thing to think about, know that if on this mission any of you have to make that sacrifice, your comrades will never forget you, or your deeds."

"You are to spend the rest of today getting your gear ready. Once you've completed this, report to your squad leaders, who will dismiss you for the day. I suggest you make the most of your time off tomorrow. We leave for the outpost on the Northern Highplain forty hours from now. Dismissed."

The platoon saluted her in a shout and then dispersed towards the barracks. Hope trailed behind them, pondering the words Lightning just said. Listening to her talk about sacrifice like that made him realize a facet of her personality he had never really noticed before. _How could I have been so blind not to see it_, he thought, _I really am a selfish bastard._

"Sergeant Estheim!"

Hope jumped at the sound of Lightning calling his name. He slowly turned toward her, a small tremor of fear stabbing his heart. "Y-yes, captain?"

Lightning was on the steps up towards her office. She looked down her nose at him, a hand on her hip. "Once you're done packing, go home and get some rest. You look like hell," she said gruffly.

Hope flushed a bit, startled by the fact that she had noticed. He bowed humbly. "Yes ma'am," he murmured, as she spun on her heel and entered the building.


	6. Rose

_**I love Serah. It's such a shame that in the game, we only get a brief glimpse of her strength in her cutscene with Vanille. The rest of the time she's just the typical "damsel in distress". So, I've decided to take matters into my own hands, and write her stronger.**_

_**Also, for those of you who might be mildly interested, I've been trying to title my chapters on bits of song titles or lyrics (I even went back and changed Chapter 3's title to fit the trend). This particular chapter gets it's title from the first opening song to the very epic anime, NANA, sung by Anna Tsuchiya. It. Just. Rocks. Give it a listen, you won't be disappointed.  
**_

_**And now, onto chapter five!**_

* * *

**Rose  
**

"So I saw Hope last night after we left your apartment. Did you know he lives on the same floor? Boy, did his eyes light up when he found out you live here as well." Serah coyly told her sister as they chopped vegetables for the salad they were making for dinner.

Lightning tightened her grip on the knife she was using, but otherwise kept her emotions in check. She wasn't about to fall for whatever trap her sister was planning. And she wasn't going to tell her he came to her apartment last night, either. "Yes, Serah, he told me you two crossed paths at the elevator."

"You weren't kidding when you said he was all grown up! Not to mention being _really_ easy on the eyes," Serah smirked.

Lightning dropped her knife on the cutting board and stared at her sister slack-jawed. "Serah!" She exclaimed, appalled.

"What? I can _look_. It's just about the only thing I can do, nowadays," Serah grumbled and sighed, looking down at her protruding belly.

Lightning just continued to stare incredulously at her sibling. "You know," she said, closing her eyes and shaking her head to rid it of any potential mental pictures, "I'm going to go ahead and pretend I didn't hear that." She picked up her knife and continued cutting.

Serah chuckled softly and shook her head. "Well, either way," she continued, "you gotta admit he is quite handsome."

Deep down, Lightning grudgingly agreed. That first day, when he walked into her office, Hope had certainly made an impression on her. Lightning hadn't quite been ready for it. She realized that yes, he was older and therefore, going to be different, she just didn't realize how much different, how much older, until she saw him in person. Then the events from last night flashed into her mind, and she scowled. If he had just been content with kissing her, if he had just held her, if he…

"Light, is there something the matter?" Serah's voice cut in.

Lightning blinked and looked at her sister, whose face was filled with worry. She realized she must've let her thoughts show on her face, so she relaxed and smiled a bit. "I received new orders today," Lightning said softly.

"New orders…?"

"There's been some trouble at one of the settlements near Mah'habara. They're shipping us out the day after tomorrow."

Serah inhaled sharply at the news, her face falling. Lightning, seeing this, continued talking to reassure her. "Don't worry. I've got all of tomorrow off, so I'll spend it with you and the kids. We can go to the park, or the shops. You can pick out something you'd like for the baby, and I'll buy it for you. Or I can just come over to your house and keep you company. Whatever you like." She patted her sister's hand.

The pregnant woman sighed, a slight smile on her features. "You've always been like this. Ever since dad died and mom got too ill to take care of us." Lightning looked at her sister questioningly but let her continue. "You've always made my comfort and care your priority, and even though I'm married now, you still do."

"I just want you to be happy," murmured Lightning.

"And I am, really. But what would make me truly happier still is if you found some happiness for yourself," Serah replied softly. "Ever since we were kids, you've given up your happiness so that I may have mine. You don't have to do that anymore, I've found mine. Give yourself a chance to find yours."

Lightning didn't reply right away. She added her chopped vegetables into the salad bowl, sweeping the board with the flat of her knife. Finished with that, she spoke, "So you think I should go after Hope," she said pointedly.

"Only if you love him. And don't give me that 'I'm his superior so it doesn't matter' line. This isn't about your sense of duty. This is about you listening to your heart."

"My heart…" Lightning spoke to herself. How long had it been since she listened to it? In her mind, she recalled Hope's face from the morning, how haggard his features seemed by the afternoon, and she felt a faint stabbing pain in her chest. Was that her heart, telling her it hurt to see him in such a state? Lightning sighed, burying her face in her hands. Serah looked at her sister and smiled gently, rubbing her back in sympathy, then embracing her shoulders, tilting her head against hers.

"You don't have to be Lightning, the tough soldier who comes in and saves the day all the time. Let yourself be Claire and open up to someone for once, someone besides me. It won't hurt, but if they do hurt you… well, they'll have me to answer to, and nothing's scarier than an angry pregnant lady. Just ask Snow."

Behind her hands, Lightning snorted out a laugh, one that Serah quickly joined in. When their laughter died down, Lightning looked at her sister with a small, almost shy smile. "Thank you," she murmured.

Serah shrugged and smiled. Turning back to the food, she said, "Let's eat, hm? I'm sure the kids are starving." Lightning nodded and started putting the food on the table.

Dinner was an uneventful affair, with the twins entertaining their mother and aunt with stories and antics. Serah informed her children after they were done that Lightning would be leaving sooner than expected.

"Can we go say goodbye to you at the base, Auntie C?" Jaq inquired.

"Oh I dunno, sweetie, we leave awfully early in the morning." Lightning replied to her nephew.

"What time do you leave?" Serah asked.

"Seven in the morning."

"Well, that's fine. Snow will be home by then, and he can drive us to the base to see you off. Besides, I wouldn't mind saying goodbye to Hope as well."

"We met him last night Auntie C! He was very nice, and he held the elevator for us!" Vivi informed Lightning, who smiled at the little girl.

Whilst having their usual after-dinner tea, Serah turned to her sibling, a pensive look on her face.

"So Snow and I were talking about names for the baby…" she began.

"Oh, so have you two decided on what to name her?" Lightning responded before taking a sip from her cup.

"Well, that depends… You see, we'd like to name her Claire… If that's okay with you?" Serah shyly asked her sister.

Lightning placed her cup down, a small smile creeping upon her face that was mixed with happiness and sadness. "Sure," she whispered, "I'd be honored." Her throat tightened a bit with emotion. Serah smiled warmly in reply.

All too soon, it was time for Serah to take the children home, and Lightning was alone. She got ready for sleep and then climbed into bed, trying to read, but couldn't focus. Her mind kept going back to what Serah had said. _Listen to your heart._ She thought about Hope. When they were l'cie, they had both been wounded souls, and it was as if they had found solace in the presence of the other. She had always enjoyed his quiet, unobtrusive presence. She could count on him, which was why she requested him to be her second in command in the first place. _Is that the only reason,_ a voice in her mind spoke up, _or was it more than that?_ Lightning gasped softly at the revelation, closing the book she wasn't reading. It was true that ever since Serah and Snow got married, she had thrown herself into her work even more than when it was just her and Serah. So was it just because of loneliness that she wanted him around? Something about that didn't quite resonate with her heart. Her teeth gnawed at her lower lip, as she dared to think what to her seemed unthinkable. _Is it possible I… love him?_ She honestly wasn't sure; she had never been in love before. Sure, she loved Serah, but this felt different. There was definitely a fondness for him in her heart, Lightning was sure of it; otherwise she would have made a much bigger deal about their altercation the previous night. A warm feeling sensation spread outward from her chest when she recalled his lips kissing her. _It had been nice_, Lightning sighed to herself. So why did he have to go and ruin by going so far? She had no answers. _Perhaps, one day, if we mend our relationship, I'll find out._ Lightning sighed, her eyes feeling heavy. _When we get back from Mah'habara_, she thought slipping under the covers and switching off the light, _I'll find a way to make it right again._

~x*x~_  
_

The morning found Hope better rested than the night before, but only just. He had dreamt of Lightning, and as he reached out to touch her, she dissolved into crystal dust. He had cried out in his sleep, sitting up bolt upright in bed, panting. It had been a long while before he could sleep again. While he was glad for the extra sleep that the day off provided him, not being on duty meant he would have nothing to keep his mind occupied. His father was working, so it wasn't as if he could spend the day with him. _I could have spent today with Light if I hadn't gone and spoilt things_, he thought glumly, swinging his feet out of bed onto the floor. The only thing he really needed to do was to take his velocycle to his father's house to put it in storage while he was away. And then afterwards? His father had mentioned that the Colony had made a park around the crystallized pillar of Cocoon. It wasn't far from his dad's home, and the rail line that serviced the park was the same one that had a stop by his apartment building. That's what I'll do, he decided, and got up to get ready for the day.

By the time he got to the park, Hope was beginning to doubt that this was such a great idea. No matter where he turned, there were happy couples everywhere. They were lying side by side on the well-manicured lawns, sitting at open-air cafes staring at each other warmly, holding onto each other as they walked down paths, and kissing in secluded spots where they thought they would be hidden from prying eyes. It only served to make him think of Lightning more, and the pain in his chest worsened. Given the way she behaved towards him yesterday, Hope was convinced that their relationship was irrevocably damaged.

He wandered aimlessly; letting his feet take him wherever they felt like. He soon found himself on a bridge spanning a creek. Hope leaned on the railing, peering down at the flowing water below. The Cocoon's crystal reflected in the rippling waters. _Well Vanille_, he thought as a breeze ruffled his silvery hair, _I told Light I loved her, but I just ended up ruining it and I don't think she'll ever like me again, let alone love me._ He sighed heavily as he leaned further over the rail.

"Son, I know you must be feelin' low, but it can't be so bad that it would make you wanna jump. Not off of a bridge this small."

Hope whirled around at the sound of the man's voice beside him, green eyes wide in surprise.

"Sazh!"

~x*x~

The two men bought food at a nearby vendor and sat on a bench to eat. They exchanged small talk with each other, catching up on the past five years. Sazh, with a few more grey hairs than Hope had remembered, was still a pilot, though nowadays he was training other pilots more than he was flying himself. Off in the distance, Hope could make out the growing form of Dajh playing with some other kids.

"Nowadays, hanging with his old man isn't priority number one anymore. Hell, between his chocobo and his friends, I hardly ever get to see the boy. Kids and their growin' up, I tell ya," Sazh grumbled. Hope chuckled in response.

"So, soldier boy, what got you all lookin' like you were planning to take a nose dive off that bridge just now, hm? Girl trouble?"

Hope looked at his old friend, mouth half open. "How did you-?"

Sazh chuckled. "Son, only one thing in the world that would make a young man like yourself look the way you did, and that's a woman," he finished matter-of-factly, shaking a finger in Hope's face.

Hope turned away, propping his chin up in his hand. "Yeah," he sighed.

After a bit of a pause, Sazh spoke again, gently, "So what's this young lady's name, if I may ask?"

Hope shifted in his seat, casting a quick, nervous glance at the older man. "Her… name?" He stammered, "It's… it's Claire." He didn't want to say Lightning.

"Claire, huh?" Sazh sat back, stroking his beard thoughtfully for a moment. Then he suddenly sat bolt upright and forward again. "Wait a minute, this Claire wouldn't also be the same girl that goes by the name Lightning, would she?"

Hope ducked his head. "Yes," he replied in a half whimper.

"The same Lightning who was a l'cie with us?"

"Yes," came the reply, hands on either side of his head as Hope ducked lower.

"And the same Lightning who is now also your commanding officer, whom you'll be leaving with to some middle of nowhere outpost for who knows how long?"

The head dropped even lower, fingers digging into his scalp. "Yes!"

Sazh sat back once more, shaking his graying head. "Mh, boy, you sure know how to pick 'em," he muttered incredulously.

Hope groaned between his knees and tore at his hair.

"So how long has this been goin' on?"

Hope lifted his head and chuckled humorlessly. "Only since we were still l'cie. She didn't know it then. She does now though," he sat up a bit and sighed.

"She give you that mark on your cheek as well?" Sazh asked, indicating with his chin where Lightning had smacked him. It had faded to pink. This time, Hope didn't answer, which made Sazh shake his head again. "I dunno what you must've said or did to earn that, but it must've been pretty bad."

"Sazh," groaned Hope as he slumped back against the bench, "what am I gonna do? I… fucked up so badly, and I dunno if I can even fix it, let alone know how."

"Now, now, don't need to get yourself all worked up. Have you at least tried telling her you're sorry?"

"I don't think that's gonna work."

"You don't think… Humph! Listen to him, twenty years old and thinks he knows all there is to know about women. Listen here," Sazh began, shaking his finger at Hope once more, "I've been married to one, I'm twice your age, and I _still_ don't know all there is to know about women. So don't be thinkin' you do."

Hope sighed once more. "Okay, so I tell her I'm sorry. Then what?"

"Well, don't _just_ say you're sorry. Get her some flowers… On second thought, that probably won't work on her, nevermind… Give her something that will make her sit up and realize you really are sorry for what you've done, and that you're lookin' for a second chance."

Hope sat in thought for a moment. "…A second chance…" he murmured. He stared off into the distance, not really looking at anything. The shadows were starting lengthen across the park lawns, and the faintest hints of pink were starting to streak the sky. He would have to get going soon. Hope sighed as he rose to leave. "Thanks, Sazh," the young man said to his elder, turning to face him. "I think I know what I need to do."

"Alright then, Hope," Sazh replied, and he got up to stand as well. "Take care of yourself, now. And if this ends up working out for you two, be careful. The military don't take too kindly to fraternizing, y'know." He clapped a dark skinned hand on Hope's back.

Hope smiled. "Yeah, thanks again. It was nice talking to you. Have a good night."

"'Night," Sazh watched the silver haired young man walk away, his arms folded across his chest, slightly chuckling to himself.

~x*x~

Hope walked back to his apartment building from the station. Beside his building's entrance, he spied a vendor that was selling flowers. At first, he really didn't think twice about it and was going to walk right by. After all, he did agree with Sazh's opinion that flowers weren't going to work on a woman like Lightning. But then a flash of color caught his eye, causing him to stop. Amongst the various bouquets was a single red rose. Hope almost gasped when he saw it, it was as if he was supposed to see it. Quickly, he reached into his jacket for his wallet, paid the vendor and took the rose. As we walked away from the vendor, a swirl of wind caught his hair, messing it about, and Hope could've sworn he heard Vanille's giggle on the evening breeze.

Later on, Hope was leaving his apartment, walking hesitantly toward Lightning's door. In his hands were the rose and a box. He wasn't sure if she was even home, her car was gone from the parking lot when he left that morning, and because he had taken the train back, he hadn't seen the parking garage to see if she had returned. A part of him prayed she wasn't home, that way he could leave the rose and the box without any awkward moments. He was about to raise his knuckles to her door when her voice came from behind him.

"Hope?" The young man flinched as he heard his name, turning to face her. He hadn't noticed that he had dropped the rose. Lightning was looking up at him with a hand on her hip, head tilted to the side. Her face was unreadable. She was wearing jean capris and a pair of slip on shoes. Her sleeveless top looked gossamer light and it laced up the front with a thin ribbon. Hope found it hard to breathe, his eyes refused to meet hers.

"L-Light, I…" he began, but the words caught in his throat. He sighed, pursing his lips in a thin line. "Here," He said huskily, thrusting the box into her hands. "I-I know nothing I can say or do can make up for what I've done, but…" Hope could feel his voice failing him, "I am sorry… and if you want to punish me, I'll understand. Goodnight." He made to walk by her, giving her as wide a possible berth in the narrow hallway.

"Hope." He froze as her warm hand wrapped itself around his wrist. Turning slowly, he dared to raise his gaze to meet her pale blue eyes. Lightning looked troubled, and after a few false starts, she spoke.

"Serah and Snow would like to meet us at the base tomorrow morning to say goodbye before we leave."

Hope nodded mutely. He made to go again, and her hand loosened its grip on his wrist, letting him leave.

Lightning watched him go. She clutched the box to her tighter as he entered his apartment without a single look back. She exhaled in an effort to rid herself of the heavy feeling that clutched at her heart, and turning, she made to unlock her door. She was about to step forward when something caught her attention. She looked down and saw the rose lying there. _Hope must've dropped it_, she thought. If she had taken another step, she surely would have stepped on it. The thought pained her, and she bent quickly to pick it up, bringing it to her nose. Lightning sighed at its scent, and entered her apartment. Placing the box on the counter, she sought a suitable container for the rose, filled it with water and placed the bud inside. Smelling it one more time, Lightning allowed a small smile tug at her mouth. She then turned her attention to the box. When she opened it, her smile was quickly replaced with a look of sorrow and she gasped audibly. Inside laid the knife she had given him for his birthday, some five years ago, the identical twin to her own. A piece of paper lay on top of it. Lightning took out the note and read Hope's handwriting:

_I'm not as strong as you thought I was. I failed you. I'm sorry._

_-Hope_

Lightning let the paper fall from her hands, eyes growing moist. Caressingly, she lifted the knife out of the box and brought it to her lips. She trembled as she felt the tears slide free.

"Oh Hope," she whispered against the knife. "You haven't failed me. We'll find a way to fix this. Together. I promise."


	7. A Little Pain

_**I hope you liked the last chapter. I personally was chuckling as I wrote the dialogue between Serah and Light, as well as Hope and Sazh.**_

_**This chapter is brought to you by the very incredible Olivia Lufkin, and as a result is titled after one of her songs. Seriously, this woman needs to be hired by Square Enix to record a Final Fantasy Theme. Like, now. Yesterday, ideally. My head would in all likelihood explode from the awesome, but you know, that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. So hop to it, Sqeenix! Doo eet. **_

* * *

**A Little Pain**

Dawn had yet to break when Lightning arose from her bed. It was always like this for her on days when she was to start a new mission. She would wake well before she needed to; shower, dress in her uniform, and double check what she had packed the night before. When she was satisfied that she had packed sufficient toiletries and underthings, she would carry her bag out of her room and leave it by the door while she ate. Her sleep had also been troubled with thoughts of Hope, and it was him whom her mind focused on while she ate. She remembered the way his pulse felt under her hand when she reached out and grabbed his wrist. It had fluttered madly against her palm, as if she had caught an insect and it was trying to escape. Her instinct was to embrace him, but there was something in his eye when he finally looked at her that made her stop. If she had done anything, it would have not been enough to heal the hurt she saw, not at that moment.

Lightning had cried over his knife for some time last night, and when she had run out of tears, she had placed it in her leg pouch, alongside her own knife. When the time is right, she decided as she wiped her eyes, she would give it back to him. It wasn't like the Hope she knew to give up on something as easily as he had just did. _What happened to you out there_, she thought, _these past five years certainly changed you, and not all for the better._

She cleaned up after her meal and put her dishes away. Giving her apartment one last look over, to see if she forgot anything, she spotted the rose Hope gave her. It would likely be wilted and dead by the time she got back. Lightning caressed its velvety petals, frowning. She walked over and picked up her bag. Shouldering it, she let herself out, casting one last glance back to the rose before closing the door and locking it.

Lightning quietly strode down the hallway, and when she was just in front of Hope's door, she paused. She had noticed that his velocycle was not in it's assigned space when she got home last night, which was why she was so surprised to see him standing in front of her door. She wondered how he planned on getting to the base. Sighing, Lightning knocked on his door. _Can't hurt to ask_, she thought.

It took a while, but Hope did eventually open his door. With damp hair, he looked a bit disheveled and sleepy, but his eyes widened with surprise when he saw Lightning on the other side of his door. She spoke before he had a chance to.

"Good morning," she greeted him, and then paused, "I… uh, saw that your velocycle wasn't in the parking garage last night… and, um, I wondered if you'd like a lift to the base?"

Hope blinked and shook his head in an effort to rid his eyes of sleep. He couldn't quite believe his ears. "Uh, yeah, sure… Would you um…" he squeezed his eyes shut once more and indicated behind him with his thumb, "like to come in? I just gotta finish getting dressed." Hope opened the door wider and Lightning saw that he was only wearing the boots and pants of his uniform and an undershirt. Her eyebrow twitched slightly.

When she entered the apartment, Lightning noted at how spartan it was. _Well, it's not like he's been in town long enough to get much_, she thought. It was smaller than her apartment too, more like a studio, though that had more to do with the fact that she had a corner apartment and they were a bit bigger than others. Hope had disappeared behind a door, which Lightning guessed belonged to the bedroom. The door was ajar, and she found herself leaning to peek inside, even as she chided herself for trying to look. His back was to the door, arms raised as he pulled his shirt over his head. His back muscles rippled with the motion, lean arms stretching sinuously. Lightning felt her face get warm and she turned away quickly. She walked over to his refrigerator and opened it. It looked very much like his apartment- bare. A thought flashed through her mind, _what does he live on, air?_

"Have you eaten yet?" Lightning inquired over her shoulder, spying some milk and fruit. Opening the milk, she sniffed to check if it was still fresh.

"No, I wasn't really planning on it." Hope answered, walking out of the bedroom while shrugging on his jacket, bag in hand.

Lightning was pouring a glass of milk. Finished, she turned to him and presented the glass and a banana to him.

"I told you, I'm not hungry."

"Eat. I don't want you going faint on me in the airship."

Hope balked, but Lightning had a look on her face that indicated she wasn't taking no for an answer. He sighed and took the glass and fruit from her. She in turn folded her arms across her chest and leaned against the counter, a self-satisfied smirk spreading slowly over her face. Neither spoke as Hope made short work of the banana. While he ate, Hope wondered if Lightning was going to bring up the subject of his knife. His insides tightened a bit in response. It had been a hard thing to do for him, giving her back that knife, but he simply didn't feel worthy of owning it. Not right now. He was aware of her eyes on him while he ate. She was guarding her emotions once more, he could tell, but there was no dangerous air about her like there had been before. However she still felt distant, like she had been when they had first met. Only this time, he wasn't scared to death of her; Hope had got to know her well enough to understand that this was her way of protecting herself. The thought that she would have to protect herself from him made him sad. He pushed his feelings aside and gulped down the rest of the milk.

"Ready to go," he announced, placing the glass down.

"You're not going to rinse that out?" Lightning nodded at the glass.

"Why?" Hope was feeling a bit petulant.

"When you get back, this whole place will reek of curdled milk if you don't."

Hope cast her an annoyed look, but he rinsed the glass out anyways and placed it on the counter. "Happy now?" He asked with a forced smile.

Lightning gave him a short nod and picked up her bag. "Let's go."

Hope zipped up his jacket and reached for his own bag. When he straightened, he found Lightning was standing right in front of him. He looked down at her in surprise and uncertainty. Her blue eyes were looking at him in the same way they were when he had walked into her office that first day, but there something else there that Hope couldn't quite decipher. Lightning raised her hand, and for a moment, he stopped breathing. She adjusted the sergeant's epaulet on his shoulder, straightening it. Satisfied, she turned and walked to his door. Hope followed, completely bewildered. _What was that all about_, he thought as he closed and locked the door behind them. Together, they walked to the elevator. They didn't have long to wait for the doors to open.

Lightning pushed the button for the garage and leaned up against the lift's wall, Hope assumed a similar position opposite her. He avoided looking at her completely. She, on the other hand, studied him. His behavior reminded her of how he used to be when he and his father where reunited and their relationship was still rocky. Bartholomew would often call her in to mediate between the two, or to go find him when he would run away after a particularly heated argument. Hope would always come over all aloof in these instances, as if he were waiting for her to berate him, though she never did.

The elevator chimed and the pair exited. Lightning led the way through the underground parking to her hover car. It was a two seat, three-point propulsion model, with the white body in the shape of a teardrop. The two front propulsion points were connected to the chassis by a pair of slender arms each with the third integrated into the rear tip of the tear. The tops and sides of the cabin were all encased in glass, with pillars separating the front and top glass from the doors. Lightning pressed a panel with her palm and the doors rose. She placed her bag in behind her seat, and Hope did the same. The doors closed in over them as they belted in and Lightning started the vehicle. The green glow from the front propulsions illuminated the cabin in the dim light of the garage. Then with a low whine, Lightning navigated the car out of the lot.

Hope was staring out the window as Lightning drove, a solemn look upon his face. She glanced over at him, the corner of her mouth twitched slightly.

"You know," she said, breaking the silence, "I think the last time I drove you anywhere was when you last run away from home, and your father asked me to find you and bring you back."

"Hmph, maybe you should have married him then," he muttered not even looking at her, "and you could've been my mother instead-" Hope realized what he was about say and quickly stopped. Lightning frowned. They carried on in silence for the rest of the trip to the base. Lightning skilfully guided the hover car into the officer's parking. As the machine powered down to a halt, the woman spoke in a voice so low, Hope almost missed her words.

"It doesn't have to be this way, Hope." The doors opened and Lightning got out, grabbing her bag as she went.

Hope looked at her in surprise, mouth slightly open, but she had already turned away by then. He quickly got out of the car, taking his bag with him. As the car's doors lowered shut, a small, faint glimmer of possibility started to burn again in his heart. A part of him wanted to reject this, to stamp it down, but the spark that started would not be denied.

~x*x~

Some time later, Lightning stepped out of the barrack's armory after retrieving her weapons. If felt good to feel the familiarity of her scabbard slapping gently at the back of her thighs as she walked to the airfield where their personnel carrier awaited them. She had ordered Hope to go ahead and make sure the rest of the platoon had arrived. While they had slipped back into their roles of a captain and her second-in-command, she had spoke to him in a much less harsh and formal tone than she had in the past. This, she could tell, did not go unnoticed by Hope, who allowed himself a small smile as he left. _Inch by inch_, she thought, arriving and seeing her troops gathered by the carrier, saying good-bye to their loved ones. Hope strode up to her.

"Everyone is all present and accounted for, captain."

Lightning nodded her acknowledgment. Seeing Snow and Serah, she cocked a half smile to Hope, saying, "Let's say our goodbyes then, shall we?"

Hope nodded and fell in step behind her. Serah was nervously clutching and unclutching her hands, and as soon as Lightning got near enough, threw her arms around her elder sister. Lightning, was taken aback slightly, but returned the embrace. She held her sister at arm's length and smoothed the pregnant woman's hair.

"We'll be back before you know it, you'll see," Serah nodded, trying to look as confident as her sister's words.

Lightning then turned her attention to Jaq. He was still in his pajamas and looked sleepy. In spite of this, he stood to attention and saluted his aunt, who returned it, smiling.

"You take good care of your mom and sisters for me while I'm gone, okay?" The boy nodded, a serious look on his face. Lightning smiled again, then straightened to face Snow. The large man looked as sleepy as his kids and had his daughter in one arm. Vivi, like Jaq, was in her pjs and was holding her blankie. She was nestled up against her father's broad shoulder. Lightning kissed the little girl on her head, stroking her back. She sniffled slightly, but remained quiet.

"Take care of yourself out there, okay? We need you back here in time for the baby," it was Snow who spoke. He grinned.

Lightning's brow arched. "Of course."

While they were having their words, Serah had embraced Hope as tightly as she had Lightning. He could feel her shaking in his arms, and there were tears in her voice as she whispered in his ear.

"Promise me you'll take care of Light out there," she pulled away slightly to look up at the young man. Hope had gasped softly at her words and the tears he saw in her eyes, eyes that looked so much like her sister's.

"_Promise me._"

He felt his heart skip a beat, and his brow furrowed as he nodded wordlessly. "You have my word," Hope finally said, finding his voice. Serah, nodded, satisfied with his answer and gave him one last squeeze. Then Snow came up to him and clapped him on the shoulder with his free hand.

"Too bad I didn't get a chance to see ya while you were in town, Hope. Sheesh, look at you; I can hardly believe it's been five years since I've seen you. Now you're not even a kid anymore! I can't imagine where the time has gone," Snow shook his head.

"I can," Hope replied, giving the bigger man a shrewd look. While Snow blushed, Hope smiled gently at Vivi, who returned the smile from behind the folds of her blanket.

"Hey, it's all a part of the plan for a-"

"A big, happy family, yeah, I remember," Hope finished for him. Snow grinned.

"Get started on one of your own, and you'll know what I mean then."

This time, it was Hope's turn to blush, and Snow laughed. Serah looked sharply at her husband, scandalized, and Lightning hid a smirk behind a gloved fist.

"Captain?" Corporal Tay's small voice came from behind the group. "The ship is ready to depart."

Lightning looked down at the woman. "Thank you, corporal," and then looking at Hope, she said, "time to go." Not one for long goodbyes, she smiled one last time to her sister and her family, and then turned to go. Hope followed on her heels.

"Take care of the office while I'm away, corporal," Lightning said to Tay as she placed one booted foot upon the gangway.

"Yes ma'am," came the reply and salute.

Lightning then continued to walk up the gangway into the bowels of the vessel to where her troops were already seated and waiting. Her red cape disappearing into the darkness was the last thing Serah saw. Hope had paused halfway up to look back at the family one last time. Snow had draped his free arm around Serah's small shoulders, and she in turn was holding onto the shoulders of her young son. Hope raised his arm in a final farewell before he too entered.

"They'll be alright, won't they, Snow?" Serah whispered tearfully to her husband.

"Of course they will," replied Snow, squeezing her shoulders slightly. "This is your sister we're talking about here. I bet Light and her guys get the job done in half the time. Plus, she's got Hope with her now, and they fight well as a team. You told him to look out for her, like you said you were gonna, right?" Serah nodded. "Then that settles it, you've got nothing to worry about. Hope's always true to his word."

"You're right, Snow," Serah sighed. "You're right."


	8. Little Earthquakes

**_Three and a half days, and about ten MS Word pages later, comes the next installment. This is the longest chapter so far. I've thrown in bits of fan service so you all won't hate me (much) by the time you get through reading all of this. Once again, thank you all so much for your continued support, reviews, and messages. Keep 'em coming! I can't reply to you all, but I do my best._**

**_Now, if you all don't mind, I'm off to reward myself for getting this done ahead of schedule with a beer. Cheers!  
_**

* * *

**Little Earthquakes**

The Northern Highplain was just how Lightning and Hope remembered it. The constant fogs that drifted down out of Fal-cie Titan's Faultwarrens shrouded the land in an eternal dampness that was neither day nor night. It had only taken them a couple of hours of air flight across the steppe to reach the outpost. Lightning recalled when such a journey would take days on foot back when they were l'cie. She privately gave thanks to the wonders of technology.

She had looked over the info that had been compiled on the attack that had happened nearly three days ago. It looked grim. Whatever had attacked the settlement was quite large, and it left large, clawing marks in the ground, cracking it. It gouged buildings. Lightning couldn't imagine how something of its like could have existed for so long without detection. There were no tracks leading in or out of the settlement. _Did it fly_, she wondered, _no, the Skyfleet would have picked it up, and it wouldn't just be causing trouble in the mines. It must have some other method of propulsion. There's just still so much about Gran Pulse we don't know…_

"Excuse me, captain?" Lightning looked up from the datalog in her hands to see Hope's face. The sulkiness he had earlier that morning had fully disappeared after they had said their goodbyes to Serah and Snow. Lightning idly wondered if it was because her sister said something to him when she hugged him to make him change his attitude, or if he just was in 'Sgt. Estheim' mode.

"Yes, sergeant?"

"We'll be landing in about five minutes."

"Thank you. Oh, one more thing, sergeant," Lightning called to him. "I need your input on something. Please, sit," she indicated the seat beside her.

A little surprised, Hope complied, consciously trying to avoid brushing up against her bare knee with his leg as he sat in the narrow seat. Lightning handed him the datalog, revealing the images of the attacked settlement.

"You've been out on the frontier for longer than anyone else in my command. Have you ever encountered a beast that has more than one form of locomotion?" Lightning inquired.

For a moment, Hope was too stunned by the pictures to speak. Realizing she was waiting, Hope spoke up, "Well, we encountered these slug-like creatures in the lowlands before reaching the seashore. You know, like the ones we fought in the Ark?" Lightning nodded. "However, these had a hard shell that rested atop the soft body, and whenever they felt threatened or attacked, they'd flip themselves over, and these sharp protrusions would come out. They'd use some to stand on, and others to attack you, while the body would try to suck the life out of you with magic. They were small though," he looked back down at the images. "I can't image one ever growing big enough to do this kind of damage."

Lightning pondered upon the information Hope had shared. _If one species had this capability, couldn't another, entirely different species have it as well? Unless of course, it really was a Fal-cie…_

"Will that be all, captain?" Hope asked, about to rise.

Lightning turned to him; a corner of her mouth was curled upward slightly. "Yes, thank you, sergeant. Although you may as well remain seated here. No sense trying to go back to your seat if we're in the middle of landing procedures."

Wordlessly, Hope sank back down into the chair, trying to make himself as small as possible so as not to brush up against Lightning. The effort, however, was an awkward one, and after receiving a quizzical look from his captain, he gave up on the attempt, mumbling a self-conscious "sorry" when his knee did eventually touch hers. Inwardly, Hope cursed the little electric thrill he knew the contact would give him. Lightning, for her part, never indicated a thing. When they could feel the airship sinking downward to land, she spoke; the tone in her voice was soft and thoughtful.

"You know, I'm very glad to have you on this mission with me. I don't think I realized how much… I've missed you… until now." Her gaze was on her hands as they held the datalog on her lap.

Hope looked at her, speechless. His chest suddenly felt tight, and in his head, all the things that he wanted to say to her- all that he _ever_ wanted to say to her- were shouting, trying to make themselves heard over the others. "Me too," was all he could whisper.

Lightning looked up at him with a sad smile on her face that made the tightness in Hope's chest feel even more constricting. He curled the corners of his mouth up into a small smile of his own, his eyes searching hers. The slight lurch and clank of metal as the vessel touched the ground broke the moment between the two, and once more they became captain and sergeant. Lightning stood up as soon as the airship fully stopped moving.

"Sergeant, have Luzzu and Rassler get their men ready to disembark. Once I've spoken with the outpost commander and have her permission, we'll be sending out a scouting party of some of her men and ours out to that destroyed settlement. I don't want a single stone left unturned there."

"Yes, captain. Would you like me to lead the party?" Hope offered, rising to stand beside her.

Lightning appraised the young man thoughtfully. "Alright, sergeant, if you think you're up to it. Report to me your findings when you return."

Hope bowed in response and left to go to Luzzu and Rassler. Those two were already getting out of their seats.

"Glad that's finally over with," muttered Rassler, "I don't think I could've taken much more of you stroking my leg with your knee." The big man cast an irritated look down at his fellow sergeant.

"I keep telling you it's these damn seats, they're too small. Don't be such a big girl over a some man-contact, sheesh," Luzzu rolled his eyes and scratched his red hair.

"Another lover's spat?" It hadn't taken Hope long to get to know the two sergeants bickered good-naturedly like an old married couple, and had no problem poking fun at them for it. He spoke again once he had their attention, "Have your men get ready to get off the 'ship. I'll be assembling a small scouting party once Captain Farron gets the okay from the commander here."

"Which, because the commander here is Colonel Treno, she undoubtedly will," Luzzu added, and Rassler nodded. Hope looked at them curiously.

"Colonel Beatrix Treno. The captain was her second-in-command back when she was known as Major Treno and the Iron Lady was just Lieutenant Farron," Rassler informed him. "The pair of 'em and their team took down a rouge adamanchelid. Saved the hides of the platoon that was originally assigned to bring it down. They both got their promotions from that. I'm surprised you never heard about it."

"Well, being out on the frontier, you tend to miss out on all the big stuff that happens close to the Colony," Hope shrugged. He had remembered hearing about Lightning's promotion, but he never heard the details surrounding it. "Anyways," he continued, "I'll be looking for volunteers from your squads for this scouting mission. Think you two can stop flirting with each other long enough to do that?"

"Oh come on, Estheim. You're just jealous and you know it," Luzzu grinned wickedly at him.

"Sorry, you're not my type."

"So what _is_ your type?" Rassler asked in a mock suggestive tone, folding his big arms across his chest and looked down at Hope with a smirk.

"I'll tell ya later, just see to your men, got it?"

"Yes, sir!" Came their reply in unison.

Hope rolled his eyes as he turned away from the two sergeants and chuckling to himself silently, he attempted to catch up to Lightning as she began to walk down the now lowered gangway. She was nearly at the bottom by the time he did. A tall, muscular woman with long chestnut hair awaited them, her cape swaying in the breeze beneath her blue lined epaulets, signifying her rank as colonel. What struck Hope the most about the woman what that she had a patch over her right eye. Beside her was a reedy looking man with pinched features and dark hair with the mark of a lieutenant on his epaulets. It was the woman who spoke first as Lightning and Hope saluted her.

"I see the exterminators have arrived. Welcome, Captain Farron," she said, her voice was deep and smooth.

"Colonel Treno," Lightning replied, "with your permission, I'd like to get started straight away and send my second-in-command, Sergeant Estheim with some men out to investigate the settlement that was attacked."

"Of course. Sergeant." The colonel acknowledged Hope with a nod, then turned her focus back to Lightning, "I presume you'd like me to have some of my men join the party?"

"If you have them to spare, colonel."

"Of course. Lieutenant Beclem," Colonel Treno turned to the thin man beside her, "escort Captain Farron's men to their quarters, and when you're done, gather a small squad of men to escort Sergeant Estheim and his men to the Delta Settlement."

"Yes, colonel," Lieutenant Beclem replied, sizing up Hope with a disdainful eye. "This way, sergeant."

Something about the way Beclem said _sergeant_ made Hope dislike him, but he nodded and followed the man anyways, indicating behind him for Rassler, Luzzu and their respective squads to follow.

~x*x~

When Hope and the men that made up the scouting party reached the settlement, Hope had definitely decided he didn't like Beclem. He was condescending, snide, and the only time they had to fight one of the native King Behemoths on their way to their destination, he was utterly worthless in battle. Hope had thought that Beclem, being the senior officer, would take point. After witnessing the man flail about uselessly, Hope, much to his disgust, took over the role of offensive leader. The beast was taking hits on all sides, with Hope darting about the front, raining slashing blows and somersaulting back, a hair's breadth away from being gored. When its skin started to crackle in a blue energy as it neared death, Hope knew he had to finish it quickly. Releasing a huge ball of ice from his manadrive as a distraction, Hope leapt into the air, driving the blade of his saber down through its neck behind its horn. It shuddered beneath him in its death throes, and then collapsed into nothingness. Hope had sheathed his weapon, a look of disgust on his face for the lieutenant, who had the audacity to return the look with an indignant glare of his own.

"Sergeant," one of Hope's men, a Private Yaibal, came up to him and whispered in his ear when they arrived at the ruined settlement, "I don't mean to sound disrespectful, but how the _hell_ did a guy like that become a commissioned officer?"

Hope looked at the private, who was just a couple of years his junior. He shook his silver white head, "You got me, private," he muttered. "Now go join the others and get a perimeter set up."

"Yes, sir."

Hope studied the ruined buildings and the ground. It was just like in the pictures that were in the datalog Lightning had shared with him. Everything looked like it had been gouged with an enormous knife, and yet, there were no signs of anything entering or exiting the site. Hope walked amongst the rubble, looking for anything that might provide a clue. As he walked, he felt that the ground under his feet gently slope downward. He stopped and looked around. To the naked eye, ground looked level all around the ruins, much like anywhere else on the plain.

"I wonder…" Hope said to himself, dropping down to one knee. The lower eye level provided him with the vital clue he was looking for. From there, he could see he was standing in a very large and shallow rut. Hope stood up and walked forward along the depression. It was unmistakable; it was definitely a track of some sort.

"It… rolls?" Hope placed his hands on his hips and tilted his head to the side as he pondered aloud.

"Are you quite done with this place?" The adenoidal voice of Beclem called out. "I hardly believe you'll find anything new of importance to report. Our men have been over this place a dozen times already. _I_ personally oversaw the investigation."

_Well that explains it_, thought Hope, as he turned to face the lieutenant, a fake smile upon his face. "On the contrary, sir, I've found everything I needed," he replied to Beclem, adjusting the holster of his gunblade where it was strapped to his thigh and walking towards the thin man. Beclem blanched visibly, nervously eyeing the way Hope's hand casually rested upon the hilt of the weapon. Hope stopped just before the man. They were of equal height, but the way Beclem shrank into himself as the inferior officer got closer made him appear smaller.

"Shall I tell the men to head out, lieutenant?" Hope inquired solemnly, deriving some small pleasure at the superior officer's discomfort. Beclem swallowed and nodded anxiously. Hope turned away, much to the lieutenant's relief.

"Alright everyone! Let's head out!" Hope shouted, walking off in the direction that would take them back to the outpost. Beclem glared at the back of the young man's departing form.

~x*x~

It was sometime in the afternoon when Hope found Lightning to report his findings. She had been meeting with Colonel Treno, getting more information on the situation. Hope, who was starving, had taken the opportunity to get something to eat in the mess hall. Secretly, he was glad Lightning had made him eat before they left that morning, but he wouldn't admit it. The captain was in her temporary quarters, getting the place arranged to her liking when Hope knocked on her door.

"Enter." Hope walked in.

"Ah, sergeant. How was trip?" Lightning greeted him. She was making her cot ready for the coming night.

"For the most part, uneventful," replied Hope. "Lieutenant Beclem was definitely, uh…" he hesitated, not sure how well she would take to him talking ill of a superior officer.

"…An annoying little troll of a man?" Lightning finished for him, a fine, pink hued brow arching high.

Hope laughed a bit in relief. "Yeah, that sounds about right," he replied, a small smile upon his lips.

"I honestly don't know how Beatrix tolerates him," Lightning sighed and shook her head, "I never could when he was under my command. So," she said, changing topics, "do you have anything new to report?"

Hope told her what he had found. Lightning folded her arms in thought when he was finished, turning her profile to him.

"You think it rolls, hm? Explains why there were no tracks… It must… tuck its legs in a ball, or a wheel… something like that. Do you think we can track it?"

"Possibly, captain. But, if it does live in the mines like all the reports suggest, it might be difficult to find its lair as the cavern walls of Mah'habara are rounded as well," Hope offered.

Lightning murmured in agreement. "I want to start daily patrols to the mines, starting tomorrow. You, Rassler, and Luzzu are to take turns in leading the patrols. Look for any signs of fresh activity in the mines that would only be made by something large. We'll make a map of the path and hopefully that will lead us straight to our quarry."

"Yes, captain. Will that be all?"

"Yes sergeant, you may go," replied Lightning, who turned back to the small armoire in her quarters, reaching up on her toes for the pillow that was on the top shelf. Her fingertips just barely grazed it. She grunted slightly, making a lunge for it and missing once more.

"Do you need help with that?" Hope asked.

"No, thank you, I'm fine," Lightning huffed as she missed the pillow once more.

Hope sighed. _Still stubborn_, he thought. He walked up behind her. "Here, let me," he offered, reaching easily over her head for the pillow.

"Uh…" Lightning hesitated, but she dropped back down onto her heels and stepped back - square into Hope's chest. She nearly jumped at the contact as his familiar scent assaulted her senses again. She turned to face him and Hope handed her the pillow, a gentle look upon his face. Taking the pillow from him, she tried to use it and her hair to hide the flush she felt creeping into her face. This did not go unnoticed by Hope.

"Thanks," she murmured and turned back to her cot, trying to avoid his gaze.

Hope turned toward her and placed his hand on her shoulder. "Light…" he whispered her nickname softly. "I…"

"I know," she replied gently, cutting him off. "It's… probably best if you go now. For both of us."

Hope nodded, although he knew she didn't see. He gave her shoulder a slight squeeze before he left. Lightning hugged the pillow tightly to her chest as she heard the door close and exhaled loudly through her nose, her heart beating madly in her chest. _What the hell's the matter with me_, she thought to herself, annoyed, _I'm acting like some giddy schoolgirl_. She put the pillow down on the cot and gave her head a shake, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"I can't afford to think about such silly things. I have a mission to take care of," Lightning muttered out loud to her quarters, trying to convince herself of the words, despite the fact that her heart knew better.

~x*x~

Two weeks had passed since the platoon had arrived at the outpost. Progress in the hunt for the unknown creature was steady, but slow. This was mainly due to Lightning's order – at the suggestion of Colonel Treno – that the patrols were not to be out after dark. Fortunately the summer days were long and this gave them plenty of hours in the day to work. This morning, it was Luzzu's turn to lead the patrol, which left Hope and Rassler the morning to spar as a result of a friendly but heated discussion they had the night before.

Last night, the three of them were lounging about on their cots in their shared quarters, waiting for sleep to take hold. Rassler was, as Luzzu would put it, running his mouth off, due to an altercation he had with Beclem earlier in the day.

"What the hell possessed Colonel Treno to pick that waste of skin, Frank Beclem-"

"That's _Lieutenant_ Frank Beclem, to you," Luzzu cut in, imitating the man's voice. Hope laughed.

"Yeah, whatever. How the hell did he manage to get that commission, I'll never know. What she _sees_ in him to make him her second-in-command, I'll never know. Unless he makes a good footstool, or something."

"Well," offered Luzzu, "I can think of a couple of things _he'd_ see in her."

Rassler snorted, "No kidding, who can't? I mean, they're like these great, hypnotizing orbs that just make you go, 'gah!'" He big man crossed his eyes and reached out with his hands as if he were grabbing for a pair of large, round objects.

Luzzu snickered, and so did Hope, although he shook his head and added, "You guys are terrible."

"What?" Rassler asked, raising himself partly up off his cot. "Even Luzzu noticed 'em, for crying out loud, that means you _know_ they're spectacular. I wouldn't mind falling on her by accident, lemme tell you."

"You'd be dead before you hit the ground," Luzzu grunted, covering his face with his forearm as he lay on his back.

"And I would die a happy man, unlike your bitter, married self," retorted Rassler. "C'mon, Estheim, don't tell me you wouldn't do the same thing given the opportunity."

"Sorry, big guy," chuckled Hope, "I'm not really into women who have anatomy that are bigger than their heads."

"That's 'cause he's gotta crush on the Iron Lady," mumbled Luzzu.

Rassler howled with laughter, while Hope growled, "I do not, tch…" He was grateful that neither man could see his blush in the weak light.

"Hey now," Rassler began in a chummy tone, "you wouldn't be the first guy to have gone all googly-eyed over the Iron Lady. Hell, even I did once."

"What?" Hope asked, feeling a small tremor of jealous rage shoot through his body.

"Yeah, I saw her one night at a bar near base. 'Course, at the time I didn't know who she was, I just thought she was a hot piece of ass in a uniform. So, drunk as a skunk, I come up to her and make a pass, and the next thing I know, I'm kissin' the floorboards," Rassler laughed. "The next day, my superior tells me a Captain Farron has requested me to join her platoon as a squad leader. According to her, it was because she was impressed that it took her two punches to knock me over, and here I am, embarrassed by the fact that a woman half my size took me out with only two punches!"

Hope, mildly irritated at the thought of _any_ man making a pass at Lightning, couldn't help but throw a jab of his own. "Well, you know what they say; the bigger they are, the harder they fall. You don't look all _that_ hard to take down to me."

Luzzu let loose a low chuckle while Rassler gawked at Hope's reclined form. "What did you say, little man?" His voice was humorous and ominous at the same time.

"I said," Hope began as he rolled to his side to meet the larger man's gaze in the dimly lit room, "I could hand you your ass in a fight."

"Oh, ho really? It is _so_ on, my son."

"Okay, _dad_."

"With weapons?"

"Of course."

"Melee only. I don't wanna have you fight dirty with that airy-fairy magic glove of yours," Rassler stipulated.

"With you, I doubt I'd even need it," retorted Hope smugly.

"Right," said Rassler through gritted teeth, jabbing an index finger at Hope, "first thing in the morning, out in the yard, and I will make you _eat_ those words with a pound of dirt on the side."

"You'll try, but sure," replied Hope as he settled back onto the cot, arms behind his head, smirking to the ceiling.

"Okay," interjected Luzzu impatiently, "now that you two have your playdate set, can we get some sleep? Some of us have _real_ work to do in the morning."

The other two men agreed, and soon all was quiet in their quarters.

Lightning came upon the fighting pair on her way back from breakfast at the mess hall. She could hear their grunting and swearing intermixed with the metal clanging of their weapons long before she could see them. When she exited the hall some time later and saw her two sergeants in the training yard, she paused to watch them. Despite the damp foggy air, they were stripped to the waist, and judging by the sweat on their bodies, they had been sparring for quite some time. Presently, they had locked blades and were pushing against each other in a war of wills, muscles straining and shaking with the effort. With his height and size, Lightning knew Rassler would have the obvious upper hand in such a struggle, but Hope seemed to be holding his own well. The blades shrieked as their metal ground against each other. Then with a mighty heave, Hope lunged against the larger man, pushing him back, and then leaping back himself, landing in a low stance. He had a devilish gleam in his green eyes and an open-mouthed grin upon his face as he held his saber diagonally in front of him with two hands. His pale, sweat-slicked hair stuck to his head, though a few loose strands fluttered in front of his eyes. Lightning allowed her eyes to admire his bare torso, the way his muscles of his chest would roll beneath his smooth, bare flesh, the lean plane of his abdomen, and the thin line of dark hair that started at his navel and disappeared down under his waistband that her brain was frantically screaming at her eyes to _not_ linger on. Her brain couldn't, however, suppress the thrill that shook her body as she watched him, hiding her smile behind her coffee mug.

"Ah, nectar of the gods," sighed a deep feminine voice behind her.

If Lightning had been of a nervous disposition, she would have likely jumped out of her own skin at this point. Instead, she calmly turned around and greeted Colonel Treno as the woman came to stand beside her, her own coffee mug in hand. Lightning inclined her head slightly. "Good morning, colonel."

"Oh, for crying out loud, Light, no need to be so damn formal all the time, you've been here for two weeks, and we've known each other much too long," replied the taller woman amusedly.

Lightning inclined her head once more, eyebrow twitching. "As you wish… Bea." She turned back to where her two sergeants were fighting. They were circling each other now, waiting to charge each other once more, looking for an opening, a weakness to exploit. As they circled, the left side of Hope's torso came into view, and Lightning frowned at what she saw. Four pink, parallel scar lines encircled his waist there. _When and where did he get those_, Lightning thought, concerned. The thought of Hope injured to such a degree squeezed at her heart tightly.

"I must say, you sure know how to choose them," Beatrix's voice broke into her thoughts.

Lightning gave her a quizzical look. "Excuse me?"

The colonel nodded in the direction of Hope and Rassler. "If I had eye-candy like that to spar in front of me every morning, I wouldn't need coffee anymore."

Lightning snorted. "Well, you could get rid of Beclem. That'd be a start."

Beatrix chuckled. "I keep Beclem around because I'm the only one he doesn't dare try to backstab."

"I guess that comes with having the nickname 'Battle Ax'."

"Speak for yourself, Iron Lady."

The women grinned at each other, and then returned their attention to the men. Lightning noticed that Rassler's posture changed slightly, indicating he was going to attack soon. _Be ready, Hope_, she thought to herself. Just then, Rassler charged forth, arching his saber downward in a menacing swing. Hope deftly deflected it and dodged away, but Rassler wasn't done yet. One-handed, he drew his sword arm close into his body and swung out again at Hope's midsection. The young man leapt skyward, tucking his legs in just above the blade and twisting in midair. On his way down, he let loose a mighty yell and a kick, hitting Rassler square in the chest and sending him flying backwards. The larger man slammed into the ground with a grunt, dropping his weapon. He scrambled back upright in an effort to retrieve it, but Hope was already upon him, the tip of his blade at Rassler's hawkish nose. A triumphant smile played upon his lips, his chest heaving from the exertion.

"How's your ass?" Asked Hope, smirking.

"Sore," panted Rassler, taking the hand that was offered to him to help him stand. "You know, your girlfriend's been watching you."

"So's yours," retorted Hope, who grabbed the large man's hand a bit tighter and continued in a lower, teeth-gritted voice, "and if I ever hear you refer to Captain Farron again as a 'nice piece of ass in an uniform' I won't go so easy on you. Do I make myself clear?"

Rassler arched a brow down at the young man. "Yes, sir," and with a smirk, he added, "loverboy."

Hope shot him a murderous look. "Don't worry," Rassler continued, "your secret's safe with me."

"Now that you two are done your testosterone-fest," called out Lightning to her men, "I suggest you hit the showers, get changed and start looking like proper officers."

Hope and Rassler faced their commanding officer, saluted and replied with a "yes, ma'am." Hope locked eyes with Lightning for a moment, and what he saw made his heart sing. He knew what he saw in those pale blue orbs was for him and him alone to see. He turned to go to the showers, feeling much lighter than he had felt since they left the Colony.

At midday, reports came to Lightning that an airship closely resembling the one that had took Sergeant Luzzu and his men to the Mah'habara mines was nearing the outpost. Concerned, Lightning hurriedly made her way out to the small airfield. On her way, she met Hope, who was also heading to the airfield. They exchanged solemn looks as they fell into step with each other.

"I see you also heard the reports," Hope said to her as they walked quickly.

"Mm, this could be either really good, or really bad," Lightning replied. Hope wished it would be the former.

They arrived just as the airship's gangway was lowered. Luzzu was the first one they saw walking down, and much to their relief, he looked to be all in one piece. As they got closer they could hear his words as he gave orders to one of his subordinates.

"…Medical division and tell them we got wounded civilians."

"Yes sir!" The soldier sped off, not even noticing his captain in passing.

"Sergeant Luzzu!" Lightning shouted. "What happened?"

"Captain!" Luzzu called out, "Another settlement was attacked by that thing we're supposed to kill. We evacuated the worst of the wounded, but there's still more that need help. Good news is, I think we found a separate cavern that leads us right into the lair of this thing."

Lightning's eyes lit up at his words. "Sergeant," she said to Hope, "go find Rassler and tell him to get his men ready to leave in five minutes. And then inform Colonel Treno of this new development. We're going to hunt this thing down and put and end to it once and for all." Hope nodded and took off at a trot.

The medical division had just finished unloading the final two of the wounded when Hope and Rassler appeared with the rest of the men. They fell in behind Lightning, who stalked up the gangway to join Luzzu and his men.

"Let's finish this," was all she said.

They landed just outside the remains of the settlement. When they landed, Lightning gave out orders.

"Luzzu, can your men handle evacuating the rest of the settlers on their own?"

"Of course, captain," he replied.

"Good, 'cause I'll need you with me, bring your launcher. How much farther is it to this cavern?"

"Not too far, just by those hills."

"Okay. Rassler, when we get there, I want your men to set up a guard perimeter. I don't want anything sneaking up behind us while we go in there and kill this thing."

"Understood, captain," the big man replied.

They walked the short distance to the cavern's entrance. There they paused while Rassler set up his men. Lightning looked at Hope and once more they locked eyes.

"Got my back?" She asked him. They were familiar words to the young man.

"Of course," he replied softly, and she gave him a small smile.

"Ready?" Lightning asked her other two sergeants, who nodded, "Let's go!"

Inside the cavern, the walls were tall and narrow, but the floor was at least level. They proceeded cautiously, not knowing what to expect. Lightning, at point, had her weapon drawn in gun mode, and she coupled it with an illumination device. Luzzu and Rassler flanked her, and Hope brought up the rear. The tension was palpable, and the unit breathed as one in slow, steady breaths, as they anticipated to be ambushed at any moment. Lightning could feel a bead of sweat trickle down between her shoulder blades and the hair on the back of her neck stand up. No doubt her men felt the same way. Hope's eyes never fully took themselves off of Lightning's back, his stomach tense with the anticipation of the inevitable attack, wondering when it would come.

They didn't have to wait long.

The cavern ahead of them widened into a sort of antechamber, and they had barely set foot inside when a horrific shrieking noise assaulted their ears. Collectively, they tensed as the ground beneath them shook a bit, weapons ready. Then Lightning shouted:

"It comes! Be ready!"

Hope could barely believe his eyes at the sight. Hurtling towards them from the darkness was a hulking, metallic looking, wheel-shaped thing. Suddenly it uncoiled itself, revealing its true form; a spider-like mess of razor sharp limbs. The team scattered as it landed where they once stood, rending the earth beneath it. Lightning fired off a few high explosive rounds, trying to attract the beast's attention. Then she leapt at the thing, gunblade going from gun to saber in midair. She took a swing at it, striking, and another of its limbs shot out at her in a counter strike. Hope, seeing this, let out a cry and a burst of lightning shot from his manadrive glove at the attacking limb and launched into his attack, weapon flashing. Luzzu had set up his grenade launcher some distance from where his commanding officers were launching their offensives. He took aim and fired, causing the metallic arachnid to stagger off balance. With part of it's hide aflame, it let loose a powerful shriek and wheeled to attack the red haired man, but was met with the brute force of Rassler, who snarled and hacked at the legs that dared to attack his comrade.

Lightning and Hope slashed at its flanks, dodging legs that stabbed down at them with deadly intent. Hope had noticed how Luzzu's attack affected the creature, and changed up his manadrive attacks to fire only. He had just launched a fireball at the monster's underbelly when he heard a pained yell. He looked up and saw Rassler had taken a blow from one of the limbs. The big man rolled away and when he stood, Hope could see blood oozing from the man's arm. It served to enrage Rassler, who timed his next attack right after Luzzu fired a volley of rounds. Bellowing, he charged and swung his weapon at a limb weakened by Luzzu's shots, severing it completely. The beast screamed and writhed in pain. Lightning and Hope exchanged a glance and nodded, not needing to say a word to convey their understanding of what they had to do. Hope released a ball of fire at another limb, and Lightning chased after it, striking and cutting off another limb. It flailed in agony, one of its legs catching Hope broadside and sending him off his feet.

"Hope!" Lightning called out. The young man rolled and got on one knee, spitting out the blood he could taste in his mouth.

"I'm okay," he responded, getting to his feet, and prepared to release another ball of fire. Lightning made ready to follow up its launch with an attack.

It went on like this for some time. Hope and Luzzu using firepower to weaken the creature and Rassler and Lightning attacking where the pair's shots landed. They had cut off many limbs and could tell the fight was coming to a close. Even they were coming to the end of their endurance; Hope glanced over to Lightning and noticed her posture was slumped slightly, and his own breath was coming shorter. _Shouldn't have had that match with Rassler_, he thought with a rueful grin. This fight had to come to an end. Now.

"Luzzu!" Hope called out to the sergeant, giving him signals where and when to fire. The man nodded and took aim as Hope generated as large a fireball as he dared. He released it as he heard Luzzu open fire, full into the arachnid's face. Lightning watched the attack and understood immediately what the two men had in mind, and sprung into action. Running forward, she slid under the monster, her weapon stabbing into its underbelly, cleaving it in two lengthwise as she slid. It let loose a horrendous death cry and slammed into the ground just behind her. The quartet looked at each other expectantly, breathing heavy. Was it over? They were putting their weapons away when a low rumble came to their ears. They paused, and then Lightning snapped into action. Leaping over the carcass, she shouted, "The cavern's become unstable! Get out of here! Go, go, _go!_"

Luzzu was closest to the exit and shouldering his launcher, took off at a run. Rassler was right on his heels, holding his wounded arm in an effort staunch the blood flow. Hope waited for Lightning, grabbing her arm and running through the exit just as a boulder fell behind them. More rocks were falling, and the pair could see the shadowy forms of Rassler and Luzzu just ahead. The very ground beneath their feet seemed to heave. Lightning and Hope ran for their lives, dodging as much of the rock as they could. They could see daylight now, and it encouraged them to know that they were nearly out. Then a strong tremor shook the cavern, throwing Lightning and Hope to their knees. He looked up and saw a large rock falling, right where Lightning was. With a cry, he threw himself forward, knocking her clear of the danger. A forceful blow struck Hope's left shoulder, wrenching a groan from his lips. Then his head slammed into something hard and everything went blessedly black.


	9. Pagan Poetry, Winter Sleep

_**Around the same time I started to write the groundwork for this story, the mining disaster down in West Virginia happened, killing 29 people. As is the case with these things, I drew on that tragedy for what is currently happening here in the story. You may want to find a quiet place alone to yourself before reading.**_

* * *

**Pagan Poetry, Winter Sleep**

"Captain? Come in! Are you there? Damnit! Captain? Captain!"

Lightning moaned, slowly coming back to her senses at the muffled, crackling sound of Luzzu's voice on her communication unit. Slowly, she dragged her face up off the ground, gingerly moving each joint as she checked for any broken bones. Feeling only stiffness, she blinked her eyes to clear her sight, and rubbing her brow, felt the sticky sensation of blood. She could see that she was trapped in the cavern. _And we were so close to getting out too. Damn_, she thought. She recalled the last thing that happened before she was knocked unconscious was Hope pushing her clear of a large falling rock. Panic gripped her and she looked around for him. What she saw jerked a half sob from her lips.

"Hope!"

Frantically, Lightning scrambled to the side of his prone form. Hope was lying face down, his left shoulder jutting up in an unnatural angle, and his lower legs were trapped under rocks. She felt for his pulse while her own pounded anxiously. It was there, faint but steady, and Lightning could feel herself begin to breathe again. She made to clear the rock off of Hope's body when Luzzu's voice on her comm once again broke through.

"Captain, can you hear me?"

She fumbled in her pocket, pulling the comm free, flipping it open and holding it to her ear.

"Sergeant?"

"Captain!" She could hear the relief in Luzzu's voice, "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, but Sergeant Estheim…" Lightning paused, quelling the emotion that threatened to creep into her voice. "He's injured, and it looks pretty bad."

She could hear Luzzu curse under his breath. "How about you and Rassler?" Lightning asked. "You two got clear? What's your status?"

"Yeah, we got out okay. Aside from the nick Rassler got in the fight, we're okay."

Lightning sighed. "I want you and Rassler to get your men on the airship and back to the outpost. Report to Colonel Treno and tell her what has happened."

"The hell we are!" Rassler's voice could be heard in the background. "We're getting you out of there!"

"You do that and you could cause this whole pocket to become unstable and crush us." She chastised her sergeant sharply. "No, we need the engineers from the outpost to get us out. Now get out of here and go get help, do you hear me? That's an order."

"Yes, captain," came the reply. "We'll be back before you know it," added Luzzu.

Lightning snapped the communicator shut and placed it back into her pocket. She returned back to clearing the rocks off of Hope's legs, fighting the sense of desperation that threatened to consume her. Pushing clear the last heavy boulder, she could see one of his legs had been broken by the weight. Her throat suddenly felt tight, and she dragged his limp body clear of the rest of the smaller rocks. She was surprised a bit at how heavy he felt in her arms as she turned him over onto his back. His left arm dangled uselessly as she did so. He didn't even make a sound. Lightning sat on the ground, cradling his head in her arms. She smoothed his silver white locks with a gloved hand, feeling the prick of unshed tears coming to her eyes. The knot that had developed in her throat seemed even bigger as she peered down into his still features, caressing his jaw tenderly. _This is my fault_, she thought bitterly.

"Hope," she murmured as a tear rolled free, "you're going to be okay, you hear me? You have to be. There's so much I have to tell you… So much you need to know. You are _not_ going to die on me, understand? I won't let you, I won't! I couldn't bear it if…" Lightning's voice started to fail her as the emotions she had been keeping at bay finally overcame her and she wept into his hair, gently rocking him as she did so.

~x*x~

Hope felt as if he were dreaming. His whole body felt weightless, as if he didn't really exist anymore. There was no up or down, right or left, and he was suspended in the middle of this nothingness. His mind tried to sort it out, to make sense of what was happening.

_Am I… dead?_

The anguish of that thought seared his soul. He could see the smiling faces of the people he knew; his fellow soldiers… his father, the people who he shared the burden of being a l'cie with… Light. The very thought of never seeing Light's face again, to never feel her lips against his own, caused him to cry out in a soundless scream. He struggled furtively, looking for a way out of the maddening void. The darkness seemed to mock him and held firm.

_Hope…_

_Mom?_ He swore he heard her voice calling out to him. With his mind, he reached out into the darkness, searching for the source of the voice.

_Hope… I love you…_

He sighed, _Mom, I'm not ready to go yet._ She laughed, a warm caring sound.

_Hope… Live… Live for your love. _

He gasped as he heard another sound. It was the distant, but unmistakable sound of sobbing. _Light…_ he thought painfully.

_I am so proud of you, Hope. You've become the man I dreamed you would be. Be as strong as I know you are._ Her voice was growing fainter.

_Mom…_ Hope reached for her voice again, but there was nothing. The faint crying could still be heard, and he turned his attention toward it. _Hang on Light,_ he thought, _I'm coming. I promise I won't leave you alone._

~x*x~

There was a soft groan as Hope's eyes fluttered open. He was aware that his head was pillowed upon something softer and warmer than the ground. Blinking rapidly, he willed his eyes to focus faster. The cavern was bathed in the soft orange glow of Lightning's illumination device. He moved his gaze about worriedly, looking for her, and the he felt a soft breath on his face and he looked up.

Lightning's chin rested against her chest, her wet lashes resting against her cheeks as she slept. Hope grimaced at the sight of her dirt and blood stained face, the lines of her tears clearly etched through the grime. Her lips were parted slightly in her slumber. One of her arms was draped across his chest and another was tucked under his head where it laid on her lap. Hope made to reach up to touch her face with his gloved hand, only to have a blinding pain wrack through his entire body, which made him groan involuntarily.

Lightning's eyes snapped open at the sound of Hope's voice crying out. Instinctively, she clutched him tighter as she looked down into the eyes of the young man in her lap. Her heart practically leapt from her chest with relief.

"Hope!" She breathed.

"Light-" another pained groan cut him off, "everything… hurts, Light." His breath came in short sharp gasps. Lightning loosed her hold on his Hope's head as her hand fumbled inside the pouch strapped to her leg, grasping for a potion. She passed it to her free hand and uncorked it with her thumb. Gently lifting his head, she pressed the tiny bottle to his lips.

"Here," she coaxed, "drink this. It won't cure you completely, but it will help with the pain."

Hope gladly took it, relishing the icy tingle that coursed its way down through his body, soothing the burning pain. With his mind less clouded, he could start to make sense of their surroundings.

"What happened? Where are we?"

"There was a cave in," Lightning explained. "We got trapped in a pocket, not far from the entrance. Don't worry," she soothed, seeing Hope's expression, "Luzzu managed to contact me through the comm. I've already ordered him and Rassler to get back to the Outpost and get help."

A sigh escaped Hope's lips and he tried to shift himself. "Why can't I move my arm?"

"You dislocated your left shoulder, and you have a broken leg."

He laughed hoarsely. "If we were l'cie, this wouldn't be a problem. Just a quick spell, and everything would be better."

"You don't have a cure spell in your manadrive?"

Hope shook his head. "The 'drives only have one type of magic each. Mine's attacking magic, not curative."

Lightning sighed and he started to close his eyes. _Just a little rest_, he thought, _now that the pain's subsided, I can rest a bit…_

"Hey," Lightning shook him slightly, making Hope open his eyes. He could see her yes were filling with worry. "Don't you go passing out on me."

Hope smiled slightly. "Well, then I guess you'll have to find a way to keep me awake."

Lightning paused, staring into his dirty, bloody face. He looked angelic, peaceful, and it scared her.

"Talk to me," she whispered.

"Hm?"

"Talk to me," she repeated. "Tell me about what you've done and seen these past five years."

"Ah," Hope sighed, eyes blinking languidly as his head moved about in her lap. "Where to begin? So much happened, so many different sights…" He looked up at Lightning, studying her face, her eyes, the way her pink hair hung over her shoulder, and a memory came to him.

"The ocean. Have you ever seen the ocean here on Pulse, Light?" Hope smiled as she shook her head. "Oh, it's breathtaking," he murmured. "There are sheer cliffs of red rock, and the waves crash high against them. If you stand close to the edge, you can feel the spray on your face. And there are these huge seabirds that make their nests in caves on the cliffs, they fly over the water looking for food. Every now and then, you can see the Fal-cie who takes care of the ocean. His name is Tidus, and he almost resembles a fish," he chuckled, and it dissolved into a cough, and Lightning stroked his hair gently.

"We were out scouting one day," Hope continued, "and we found this huge beach, much bigger than any you'd have seen on Cocoon. The sand was as pale as crystal dust, and it almost sparkled like it too. It was so warm, and we all stripped down to our underwear and swam in the water like we were kids." Lightning smiled and laughed softly and Hope did too. "I guess we were still kids, in essence. That night, we made camp on the beach, and the sunset we saw… I think it was the most beautiful sunset I've ever seen on Gran Pulse, mostly because it reminded me of you." Lightning's lips parted in surprise, brows lifted slightly. Hope smiled at her lovingly.

"When the sun set below the horizon of the water, it turned the sky the color of your hair, and the water… it was as clear and blue as your eyes. All I could think about was you and how one day, I would like to bring you there to see it. And we could lie on the sands together, staying awake until the stars came out. I'd hold you in my arms and tell you how beautiful you were, and all the other things I've wanted to tell you for so long. I thought how one day, I would make love to you under those stars, and promise my whole life to you," Hope sighed, adoration in his eyes as he looked up at Lighting.

Lightning could feel tears coming once again to her eyes, the knot in her throat making her unable to talk, to breathe. It pained Hope to see her like this, and it pained him more to think he could do nothing about it. He felt tired, but he forced himself to go on, for her sake. He tried to think of something, anything to say.

"Light," he called out softly, and she flicked her shining eyes to meet his. "Have you ever… been in love?"

Wordlessly, she shook her head. Hope sighed and smiled.

"Well, when we get out of here, and we get back to the Colony, I want to show you what it feels like… to be in love."

"Hope-" Lightning choked out, but he didn't let her finish.

"I know that…that you don't love me, Light. I've accepted that, and I've been terribly selfish in thinking that I could make you love me. I've tried to deny my feelings, but I can't. It's all I've been thinking about all these years. I can't just stop six years' worth loving you. But, if you let me, I'll be content to just love you from afar. It would be better than nothing, if that would make you happy. I don't regret loving you, Light, even if it does come to nothing."

Lightning felt her heart pounding in her chest at his words. She really didn't know what to say. Hope was looking up at her, and she could see his apprehension, his love. She stroked his face tenderly with her gloved hand, bare fingertips gently brushing away the dirt from his skin. Her arm cradled his head closer to her, tendrils of hair and tears falling upon his face. Leaning in closer, she brushed her lips against his in a tender kiss. Hope released a shuddering sigh between their mouths. It felt as if time itself had stopped for him in that one moment. The kiss was a still and softly lingering one, and their lips didn't part until some time later. When they finally did, Hope sighed again, letting his own tears slide down his cheek and nuzzled in close to Lightning, who rested her cheek upon his head.

"If we die here, after that kiss, I wouldn't mind," Hope said, softly.

"Don't say such things," Lightning admonished gently. "We'll get out of here. I know we will." Just as she spoke, a miniscule draft of cool breeze touched their faces. "At least we won't run out of air," she added. Hope hummed in amused agreement. To be honest, Lightning wasn't really sure if they would make it out, but she had to have faith, for the both of them.

"Light… I'm… scared," Hope tried to laugh as he spoke, but failed.

Lightning sighed and shifted her hold on his head to reach into her leg pouch. She rummaged, feeling about until she felt what she was looking for. Then she placed it upon Hope's chest. He didn't have to see to know what it was. The weight of it alone told him it was his knife.

"You know I don't deserve that," he muttered, looking away.

"You saved the life of your captain, or more importantly," she tenderly turned his chin with her fingertips so he faced her, "the woman you love, and you did it with great danger to yourself."

With troubled eyes, he gazed upon the knife, shifting so that his good arm could reach up and touch its metal. As he lay there, staring at the weapon, Hope felt her warm, soft lips kissing his temple. He closed his eyes, feeling the tears coming once more, and then Lightning whispered softly.

"You haven't failed me, Hope, and you didn't fail me when it counted. There is great strength within you. I can feel it."

Hope looked up once more at Lighting, the woman he loved, feeling as if his chest would burst from the feeling. She was softly smiling down at him. And then her expression grew a bit more serious.

"I don't… I don't know if what I feel for you is love, Hope," Lightning began, slowly, "but give me time. This is all too new for me, and I'm not sure what it is I'm feeling. Please, be patient with me."

Hope had been looking upon her, awestruck as she spoke, and when she finished, his features softened to a smile. He nodded.

"I will wait," he said, snuggling up close to her once more and gripping his knife tightly. _I swear it._

~x*x~

Meanwhile, the airship was touching down at the outpost. Its gangway hadn't even touched the ground fully when Rassler leapt down, nearly running as soon as his feet were touching the turf.

"Rassler! What the hell do you think you're doing?" Luzzu yelled. He caught up with the bigger man, and grabbing him, spun him round.

"What do you think I'm doing? I'm going to report to Colonel Treno like the captain ordered us to!" Rassler hollered down at the stockier man, grey eyes blazing. His olive skin was slightly pale from the loss of blood from his wound. He turned to go when Luzzu grabbed him again and struck him in the face. Hard.

"H-hey! What was that for?"

"Don't be an idiot. Get your ass to the medics to have your arm looked after," snapped Luzzu, "and while you're at it, some ice for your face. _I'll_ report to the colonel."

Rassler opened his mouth to protest, but was met with a blunt finger in the face. "Not another word outta you, get me? It's bad enough we don't got our captain or our second-in-command; we don't need to lose another officer because he was too pig-headed to look after himself." Luzzu's face was nearly as red as his hair. Rassler nodded mutely.

With that settled, Luzzu stalked off towards Colonel Treno's office. With every step, he was cursing himself, thinking there should have been a way to prevent such a catastrophe. _Done is done,_ he thought grimly, _no sense in wondering about 'what ifs' now._ He had been so lost in thought that he completely didn't see Lieutenant Beclem.

"And where do you think _you're_ going, Sergeant Luzzu?" Beclem's nasal voice pierced into Luzzu's thoughts. He stopped and turned.

Mustering up as much politeness as he could under the circumstances, he replied, "I have orders from Captain Farron to report to Colonel Treno immediately, lieutenant."

"Aren't you aware that we have procedures here, sergeant? If you want to speak to the colonel, you have to go through me first."

_Don't even tempt me,_ Luzzu thought. Instead, he said, "My orders are to speak to Colonel Treno only."

"Well if it was so important," sneered Beclem, "why doesn't Captain Farron come see her herself?"

Luzzu had quite enough. His dark eyes seethed with fury. "Well that would be rather hard for her to do, lieutenant," he half hissed, half snarled. "Given that she's buried under who knows how much rock at the moment after killing a monster you and your men failed to even track!"

"How _dare_ you talk to a superior officer like that!"

"On the contrary, how dare you! You're an insult to your rank!"

"Insubordination! I'll have you court marshalled for this!" Beclem glowered.

"I would hardly call it insubordination when you're the one interfering with his orders, lieutenant," the voice of Colonel Beatrix Treno rang out, freezing both men. She stood, towering in the doorway of her office, fists on her hips. Her solitary eye was burning a hole through Beclem where he stood.

Luzzu, recovering from the shock the quickest, stepped forward and saluted. "Colonel Treno!"

"Sergeant, what happened?"

"Well, colonel," Luzzu began, "we killed that thing what's been wreakin' all the havoc, but there was a cave in. Captain Farron and Sergeant Estheim got trapped inside, somewhere close to the entrance. We managed to get a hold of the captain on the comm, and she appears okay, but Sergeant Estheim is critically injured."

Colonel scowled and cursed under her breath. "Right then. Beclem!" The lieutenant flinched. "Alert the engineers. I want them on that airship in less than ten minutes! And I want a squad of medical personnel, too. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, colonel," grovelled Beclem. "Will you want me to go and oversee the operation?"

The colonel snorted. "And have you cock it up? No, I'll be going. I have a debt to repay." With that, she stalked off, with Luzzu following in her wake, smirking to himself in satisfaction.


	10. Sometimes We Fall Apart

_**About a couple of chapters ago, Babo123 asked this question in the reviews, "...Who needs coffee?" Well, I'll tell you who: me. Without it, I wouldn't be able maintain my house, care for my two-year-old, and churn out these chapters. So, who wants to be my shirtless Hope impersonator? I kid, seriously. If I had one of those 'round, nothing would get done. It just wouldn't end well.**_

_**More Olivia Lufkin love! The title is derived from her song, Starless Night.**_

* * *

**Sometimes We Fall Apart**

_The pair of Zirnitra that they had been attacking had been putting up quite the resistance. Major Beatrix Treno appraised her men, what was left of them, anyways. The seriously wounded had already been taken away, though the ones that remained weren't much better off. The only squad that appeared to be relatively fresh was the one led by Lieutenant Farron. The Major's lips curled in a grim smile; it was advantageous to have someone with prior experience with these beasts, she decided, as she leapt into the air and took a powerful swing at one of the winged creatures. The Zirnitra staggered and shook its mighty head, screaming into the sky. She looked over at how her second in command was fairing, and was pleased with what she saw. The pink haired Lieutenant lived up to her name, moving like the lightning she called herself after, preparing to land the killing blow. When it came, a cheer rose from the ranks, and encouraged, they doubled their efforts to take down the remaining Zirnitra. It had other ideas, however._

_As the soldiers rushed forward, it flew up higher into the blue sky. Lightning, seeing what was about to happen, shouted frantically, "No, don't! Get back! Get back!" But it was too late._

_The Zirnitra swooped low, delivering crushing blows to the hapless soldiers who got too close, razor-sharp teeth slashing into others. Lightning's heart pounded as fast as her legs as she ran toward the fray, and as fast as she was, she knew she wasn't going to be fast enough to stop what was unfolding before her eyes. The beast was flying straight for Major Treno, and although she stood ready for the attack, she wasn't prepared for the ferocity of the onslaught the Zirnitra delivered. It snaked its head viciously, avoiding the major's block and snapping its jaws in her face. Major Treno screamed in pain as its teeth raked her flesh. It would have likely bitten her head off had Lightning been any slower. With a growl that grew into a yell, the lieutenant swung her blade at the monster, slicing into its neck. It pulled back screeching, gore spilling from the wound, as it readied itself for another attack. Lightning placed herself between the Zirnitra and the major, ready to kill or be killed. It plunged downward again, gaping maw open and ready for the slaughter, when a flash of fire from Lightning's peripheral vision struck the monster broadside. It fell from the sky, tumbling over and over into the grass. Lightning monopolized the opportunity, and rushed towards the fallen beast, mercilessly severing its head from its body._

_When she turned back to where the major lay, a stocky young man with red hair had already made it to her side. He had placed his smoking grenade launcher down and was removing a roll of gauze from his pack. As Lightning approached closer, she could see that the man was about her age. He finished wrapping the bandage over Major Treno's face before standing and saluting._

"_Lieutenant Farron, ma'am," the red haired man said._

"_Good shot," Lightning acknowledged his salute. "What's your name, corporal?"_

"_Corporal Niall Luzzu, ma'am. I'm one of Lieutenant Doram's men."_

"_Well corporal, after your actions today, I'm sure a promotion will be in order."_

_Corporal Luzzu bowed humbly, "Thank you, ma'am."_

"_Lieutenant Farron," Major Treno rasped, trying to sit up. _

_Lightning quickly knelt at her commanding officer's side. "Major, here, let me help you," she offered, reaching for the other woman's arm, and placing it over her shoulders, aided her in standing._

"_We've Corporal Luzzu here to thank for his quick thinking and actions," Lightning told the major. Major Treno nodded vaguely in Luzzu's direction, being unable to see through her bandages._

"_Corporal," she said, "I'll personally see to it that you get a commendation for this."_

"_Thank you, Major Treno," Luzzu bowed once more._

"_Lieutenant Farron," the major addressed her second in command. "Gather the rest of the men and let's get back to base. We need to get our wounded attended to right away."_

"_Including yourself, ma'am," Lightning added._

_Major Treno chuckled hoarsely, "Yes, including me."_

~x*x~

Luzzu sat in the airship as it raced through the murky night to the site where Captain Farron and Sergeant Estheim lay buried beneath the ground. He thought back to when he had first met the captain and the colonel. At the time he had been nothing more than a nameless, faceless grunt. That day a lucky shot had changed his fate, and ever since, he'd been serving loyally under the command of Captain Farron. At the time he had even developed something of a crush on her, although he had just been married a month prior to meeting the woman. Although that had faded away with time, his respect for her had always remained. She was the best, and the toughest officer he had ever served under. The thought that this service would be over if she didn't make it out of that hole did not settle well with him. And then he thought about Sergeant Estheim.

At first, he had felt a bit jealous upon learning the young man had known the captain since before the fall of Cocoon, but he was likeable enough, and he certainly knew his stuff. Luzzu couldn't fault him for that. Even his all too obvious infatuation for Captain Farron was amusing, especially when he would deny it, and in talking with the captain on the comm unit, he could tell she felt something for the young man as well. Sergeant Estheim wasn't a very good liar, Luzzu decided. However, he was a damn good soldier, and he complimented the captain personality-wise very well. _Might as well have been made for each other,_ Luzzu thought with a slight grunt as he shifted in his seat.

"We're nearly there, Sergeant Luzzu," the voice of Colonel Beatrix Treno broke through his thoughts. Luzzu looked up sharply at her, blinking.

"Y-yes ma'am, and thank you… for allowing me to come with you," he stammered up at the tall woman.

The colonel laughed. "I am all too aware of your loyalty to Captain Farron, sergeant. After all, she is the one who got you where you are today."

Luzzu inclined his head in response, and the colonel strode off to oversee the coming deployment. Yes, he would turn Pulse inside out if that's what it took to get Captain Farron out of there alive, and he'd do it for Estheim too, if that's what would make the captain happy.

~x*x~

Lightning grunted in discomfort, her neck stiff from falling asleep in such an awkward position. She hadn't meant to drift off, but the fatigue had finally taken its toll on her body. Blinking and shaking her head, she tried to wake herself rapidly. Being this tired, something must've caused her to wake up and her senses strained to detect the cause. Her ears picked up a soft rumble, and instinctively, she leaned over Hope's head to shield him from the fine dirt and pebbles that showered down. She looked down at the young man with concern. He too had fallen asleep, and to quell her own fears, she checked his pulse once more. As relieved as she was by its reassuring beat, it was reined in when she noted his skin had grown unnaturally warm and clammy. _Hang on Hope_, she thought, _it can't be much longer_.

Lightning had lost all sense of time being trapped in the cave; she knew it had to be night, given they had arrived at the cave sometime in the late afternoon, but how much time had passed since the collapse and the subsequent departure of Luzzu and Rassler she had no idea. Another tremor swept the cavern, causing her to cover Hope once more. She smiled grimly to herself at her fate. Of all the life or death situations she'd been in, all the battles she had fought, to meet her end in such a fashion was a distasteful idea.

She glanced at Hope again, caressing his face. His words had stirred something deep within her, emotions she never realized she was capable of. _Was this love_, she wondered. She wanted to live for him, for them both to get out of there alive, for him to make good on his promise.

_When we get out of here, and we get back to the Colony, I want to show you what it feels like… to be in love… I will wait…_

"Hope," Lightning whispered into his hair. "I-I think I understand now, and I'm sorry… Sorry for putting you through so much pain. Let's get out of here alive… together… so we can begin again."

As if in response, Hope mumbled incoherently in his sleep, shifting himself so his face nestled fully into her body. The breath in Lightning's throat hitched a bit, but her countenance softened, her hand continuing its mindless stroking of his hair and cheek. She could see his right hand still had a firm grip on his knife, and it reminded her of Vivi holding her security blanket on the morning they had left the Colony to come here. Her mouth curled into a smirk at the thought. _Of all the things to think about_, she mused. Though Hope was hardly a child anymore – that much she had come to terms with – he still had a certain sense of wonder about him, and it was a trait she valued about him, having long since abandoning hers so that she might care for Serah and herself. Carefully, she prised the knife from his hand, and slipped it into the small pouch he had on his gunblade's scabbard. Hope's hand started to make grasping motions, looking for his treasured gift, and Lightning, seeing this, gave him her hand to hold. He sighed contentedly, and she allowed herself a small smile.

Time passed slowly. Lightning tilted her head back, resting it against the rock that supported her back, and closed her eyes once more. She stayed that way for what felt to her to be hours when she heard another rumble. She made to cover Hope again, but something about the tremor made her pause. Instead of coming from deep within the bowels of the earth, this one seemed to come from without. Her heart skipped and she barely dared to think that the sounds she was hearing were ones of their imminent rescue. She stilled herself, ears desperately trying to catch any sound that may indicate a human presence, of digging machines. It was agonizing, this waiting, listening. Another sprinkling of dirt came from the cavern's ceiling, making Lightning cough. And then it came; the unmistakable static sound of her communication unit trying to make a connection. Grasping awkwardly for the unit in the pocket of her coat, Lightning flicked her wrist to open it, just as she heard the unmistakeable sound of Colonel Treno's voice.

"Captain Farron, can you hear me?"

"Colonel Treno," Lightning was shocked at the hoarse sound of her own voice. "Yes I can hear you." With her free hand, she tried to shake Hope awake. He moaned and grimaced at her touch, his head tossing about in her lap. She touched his face and could feel his skin was burning, sweating. His body trembled.

"Hope, wake up. Help is here. Hope…" He whimpered in reply, the muscles in his jaw tensing and his brow furrowing in agony.

"Captain, what's your status?" Colonel Treno's deep, calm voice soothed the anxiety that had started to creep into Lightning's soul over Hope's worsening condition.

"Well, aside from being stuck inside this hole," she began, allowing some of her trademark sarcasm to leak into her voice, "I'm fine, but Sergeant Estheim is pretty bad."

"How bad?"

"Broken leg, dislocated shoulder, concussion, I think he's going into shock…and that's just the obvious injuries," Lightning summarized.

"Understood," replied the colonel. "We have a medical crew on standby. As soon as we break through to you, we'll get you and the sergeant taken care of. Sit tight, we're almost there."

"Yes, ma'am," Lightning snapped the communicator shut and returned it to her coat pocket. Opening the pouch on her leg, she fished out another potion for Hope. She coaxed the sweating, shivering young man to drink, tipping the bottle so that its precious liquid would pour down his throat with ease. Hope coughed and sputtered, but most of the potion found its way down. Lightning clutched him bodily to her, causing a tortured moan to escape from his lips, and a soft sob to escape to escape hers.

"Hang on Hope," she said, tears once more slipping free. "We're almost out, so hang on, for me. Remember what you promised? You have to get through this so you can deliver on it. Please…" and then Lightning's voice gave out. She buried her face in Hope's trembling shoulder and cried silently against it.

The sounds of machines digging were growing closer now. Lightning lifted her head and rubbed her face free of tears, dirty gloved hand smearing the grime there. She grabbed her illumination device and raised it, looking at the seeming impenetrable wall of rock before her in an attempt to spot movement. Hope was still trembling, and she looked down at him. His skin seemed paler than normal, even in the orange glow of the light, and it gleamed with sweat. He whimpered as a particularly violent tremor swept through his body. Lightning kissed his brow and hugged him close. Mentally, was screaming at the rescue team, _hurry up!_

As if in response to her telepathic yelling, a rumble sounded close by, giving the pair another dirt shower. A few large rocks gave way and fell, eliciting a gasp from Lightning. She gripped Hope tighter, and then she heard a familiar voice.

"Captain?"

"Luzzu!" Lightning exclaimed with relief as she glimpsed his red hair from within the newly formed gap. _Good old Luzzu, loyal to the end…_ "I need a stretcher in here, now!"

"You got it." The hair disappeared and she could hear a bit of shuffling. There was a pause, and then she could hear muffled shouts. Shortly after, the sound of metal sliding against rock could be heard. Gently extricating herself from Hope, Lightning struggled to her feet, reaching into the hole. She grasped the poles and pulled on the stretcher. Gradually, it came into the chamber, followed by Luzzu's stocky frame.

They placed the stretcher beside Hope. Luzzu looked down at the young man, he could barely contain the shock he felt at the sight of his shuddering, sweating form. He barely recognized his captain under the dirt and blood, her hair matted, her knees skinned. Lightning had knelt down next to Hope.

"Help me get him on the stretcher, but be careful," she ordered, "his leg's broken."

Luzzu nodded and did as he was instructed. Once they had Hope on the stretcher, they belted him firmly in place. On the count of three they hoisted the stretcher into the entrance of the tunnel, Luzzu guided it while Lightning pushed from the back. As Lightning's arms started to disappear into the hole, she felt the stretcher being pulled from the other end. She couldn't help but let a small noise of relief escape her. Then Luzzu spoke:

"You're next, captain."

Lacing his square fingers, he gave Lightning a leg up into the hole. Her hands scrambled at the rock, clawing their way to the surface. Daylight was just ahead of her and she could hear Luzzu hoist himself into the hole behind her. The brightness seemed foreign to her eyes, so she didn't see the hands that reached in to grab her arms, pulling her free from her earthen prison. Lighting's feet touched the ground and she blinked rapidly in the grey light of dawn. Colonel Treno's tall form gradually came into view before her.

"Captain Farron, it's good to see you topside at last," she said, warmly.

"Colonel Treno-" The last of Lightning's strength gave way, and her legs collapsed beneath her, causing the colonel to reach out and catch her. Soon Luzzu's sturdy form was there too, holding her arm across his shoulders in support. Lightning, her eyes half open, felt herself on the verge of passing out, but she willed herself to look for Hope. He was lying not too far away, medics already working on him. A corner of her mouth curled into a dopey smile, causing the colonel to chuckle softly.

"Let's get back to the outpost," she ordered. "We got wounded that need attention." Colonel Treno turned her eye to her former second-in-command. "Including you," she said knowingly.

"Huh," mumbled Lightning as she leaned between Luzzu and the colonel, getting the joke. "Including me."


	11. To Make You Feel My Love

_**You guys didn't really think I was gonna kill Hope off, did you? Seriously? On a different note, Happy Mother's Day to my fellow moms out there reading this. I know there's at least two of you. It's after 1AM here, so it is officially Mom's Day from where I'm sitting. **_

_**Are you ready for some fluffalicious romantic fluff? I hope you are. I'm not a Garth Brooks fan, but I am a Bob Dylan fan and he's the one who wrote the song, ergo the title of this chapter. So get your cozies on and get ready to wallow in the fluff, 'cause it's on its way! Consider it a gift from me to you.  
**_

* * *

**To Make You Feel My Love**

Lightning shifted in the chair beside Hope's hospital bed, flipping through his chart. It had been three days since they had made it out of that cave, and it was the first time she had been allowed to see him. They had planned to keep her under observation for two days for dehydration and exhaustion, but she was starting to get so agitated after one, that the chief medical officer chose to release her instead of risking the future health of his staff. She had wanted to see Hope then, but his condition was such that he wasn't permitted any visitors. So she busied herself with work, checking on her troops, seeing to their well-being, and preparing for their return to the Colony, anything to keep her mind off of Hope. The following day, she gave Rassler a severe tongue-lashing for fussing around her like a mother chocobo. It was then that she made up her mind that she was going to look in on Hope, doctor's orders be damned.

She marched into the medical unit, scattering nurses in her wake. The one doctor who tried to halt her had his words die in his mouth the second Lightning looked at him, daggers shooting from her eyes.

"Where is Sergeant Estheim?" She asked in an icy, polite voice that held only the promise of imminent pain should her inquiry be objected or deflected.

"H-he's down the corridor," came the reply, the doctor raising a shaky hand to point in the direction to his right, "um… fifth door on the left. Uh-"

"Thank you." Lightning's answer was swift and clear. She swept by the doctor, who was paralysed by his own fear of the captain they called the Iron Lady. She stopped in front of the door he had indicated was Hope's and peered into the small window. His bare torso was visible above the blankets, his upper body draped in bandages that held his shoulder in place. Turning the knob, she quietly let herself in.

Now she sat at his bedside, watching his chest rise in fall as she held his hand in hers, stroking his knuckles with her thumb. In spite of his wounds, Lightning was relieved at his appearance. She didn't want to remember Hope looking the way he had. He started to shift beneath the bedding, and her heart skipped a beat as his eyes blinked open. A smile started to spread across his handsome features at the sight of Lightning's face.

"It's good to see you again," she murmured.

"That's my line," Hope rasped. "I was beginning to think you guys had all been sent back to the Colony without me."

"I don't leave any of my troops behind. We won't leave until they give you the okay," Lightning replied flatly. Hope squeezed her hand in reply. There was a bit of a hesitation before he spoke.

"I missed you."

"It's only been three days, and they wouldn't let anyone to see you," she chuckled, trying to make light of his comment, but something in Hope's eyes made her realize he wasn't just talking about recent events. Her face grew serious.

"Hope, what happened to you out there, out on the frontier?"

He sighed, closing his eyes and turning away slightly. "A lot of things I'd like to forget," he muttered.

"Like whatever happened that gave you those scars?" Lightning nodded to the other side of his torso. The ends of the four pink lines were just visible atop his stomach where they curved down around his waist out of view. Hope's eyes had widened in surprise at her question, and then he smirked mirthlessly.

"You would notice that."

"How did you get them?"

Hope hesitated. "It- it was just after my first year in the Corps. The instructor we had was…well; to call him an asshole would be putting it nicely. He didn't like me. He knew I was one of 'those l'cie' as he put it, and he hated the fact that I knew more about the beasts of Pulse than he did. So he thought he'd teach me and this other guy he didn't like a lesson by sending us out to exterminate a trio of gorgonopsid. If I had still been l'cie, it would have been no problem. But we were just a couple of kids armed with guns. We were lucky to have even taken out one of them, before the other two charged. One of them took a swing at me, giving me this," he indicated to his scars.

"I was rolling on the ground, poisoned and bleeding, and this other guy… I-I never even knew his name… H- he tried to defend me. He-" Hope paused, swallowing hard, and Lightning squeezed his hand in encouragement. "He didn't make it. The gorgonopsid were killed by a squad of proper soldiers who found us, but not before… They tore him apart, Light… It was awful." He shuddered at the memory. Lightning reached out to stroke his hair.

"You should've contacted me, Hope, I could've helped you."

Hope shook his head. "The whole reason I signed up was so I could prove myself to you. Asking for your help would've just felt like a big step backwards. After that, I started to work even harder. I didn't want to think that someone had died in vain for me. And I didn't want to rely on the protection of others anymore. Especially yours."

Lightning sighed. "Hope, you never had to prove to me you were strong." Hope looked at her with wide eyes, and she smiled a bit. "I already saw how strong you were and how much stronger you would become."

"Light…"

From the look on his face, she could tell he wanted to kiss her. However, the captain was all too aware of her surroundings, and so she made a compromise. She rose from her chair and pressed a kiss against his forehead, and he sighed at the touch. Hope gripped her hand tighter, and she looked down into his green eyes.

"I looked at your chart while you were sleeping. Looks like you'll be ready to go in a couple of days. Then we can all head back to the Colony, and you can start making good on that promise you made me," Lightning's face was solemn, but her eyes spoke volumes. Hope could feel a smile playing about his lips.

"I can't wait," was all he said in reply. Lightning turned to leave, and Hope called out to her once more.

"I love you."

She turned back to look at him, suddenly feeling warm from within. "I know," she murmured.

~x*x~

Two days later found Hope up and about, trying to hobble on one and a half good legs as the platoon prepared to ship back to the Colony now that their mission was complete. The doctors had put his leg in a special AMP-enhanced cast to speed up the healing process, and his shoulder had mended nicely. Luzzu and Rassler flanked him on either side, alternating between mothering and ribbing him.

"Well, at least it's not your right hand that's broken," Rassler was saying. "That way you can still take care of important business," he snickered and clapped Hope on the shoulder- his bad one.

"Ow! Son of a bitch, would you watch it?" Hope rubbed his shoulder and backhanded the tall, burly man across his wounded arm. Rassler yelped and the two exchanged irritated glares.

"Nevermind him, Estheim," Luzzu's steady voice came from his other side. "Secretly, he's been hoping your hand was broken so he could _hold_ _it_ for you." Rassler sputtered in objection.

"Somehow, that sounds more like the truth than the joke you meant it to be," Hope grumbled, causing Luzzu to howl with laughter and Rassler to grow even more apoplectic.

None of the three men noticed their captain until Hope stumbled to an abrupt halt and saluted. The other two quickly followed suit; Luzzu trying to blink back the tears of mirth.

"It's good to see you back on your feet again, Sergeant Estheim," Lightning commented, adding with a smirk, "and I see that these two are worrying over you like they did me"

"Thank you, captain," replied Hope, imitating her neutral tone. "As for the worrying bit… I think they worried over you much more than they are me." He glanced sideways at both men, who feigned innocence.

"Hm," she arched a brow, not really wanting to know the graphic details. "Well, I hope you three and your men are all packed, we'll be heading out in an hour."

"Yes, ma'am. We're on our way to check them now."

"Very good, then. I'll leave you to it," and with that, Lightning walked off. Hope tried not to watch her, but his eyes found the subtle sway of her hips as she walked to Colonel Treno's office irresistible. His fixation did not go unnoticed, as he suddenly felt the jab of Luzzu's elbow. He looked sharply at the ginger haired man, who had a knowing gleam in his eye.

"There's a time and a place for everything, sergeant. This isn't either of them. She knows that, and so should you," Luzzu's voice was low and for only Hope's ears. At first, he was confused by the man's words, and then it started to dawn on him. _He knew._ Hope started to speak, but a faint shake of the head of the head silenced him.

"Let's get troops packed up and on the airship before the captain finished saying her goodbyes to Colonel Treno, whaddya say?" Luzzu spoke up, quickly defusing the situation before Rassler caught on. "Unlike you single guys, I gotta wife and kid who will be thrilled to have me back home ahead of schedule. And quite frankly, I'd much rather be with them than here with you lot."

"Sounds like a plan to me," Hope chimed in, and Rassler nodded. The trio walked to their temporary barracks, with the occasional teasing, "Hurry up, slowpoke!" directed at Hope.

~x*x~

"So I guess you and your men are ready to head out, captain?" Colonel Beatrix Treno inquired after she exchanged casual pleasantries with Lightning.

"Correct, the sergeants should be making sure everyone is packed and ready to go as we speak," Lightning replied.

Colonel Treno chuckled. "You certainly don't waste any time, do you?"

"At the risk of sounding arrogant, ma'am, my men are the most efficient fighting force in the entire Expeditionary Corps," the captain replied simply.

"I know. That's why I specifically requested your platoon to come here and take care of our little problem." The colonel smiled. "Which you did, and I can't begin to tell you how grateful the people here are to finally go back to business as usual. I've little doubt that had any other fighting force the Corps had come here on this mission, it would have ended in a much more unfortunate manner. This won't go unnoticed by the powers that be, you can guarantee it."

"And I am grateful to your engineering and medical crews for getting Sergeant Estheim and myself out of that hole."

Colonel Treno inclined her head in acknowledgement. "Well, I won't keep you any longer, Captain Farron. I wish you and your platoon a safe journey back to the Colony." She stood up and extended her hand to the other woman.

"Thank you, Colonel Treno," said Lightning as she rose, taking the proffered hand and shaking it. "I hope you won't need our services again in the near future."

Beatrix Treno laughed. "Agreed."

When Lightning left the colonel's office, she nodded to Lieutenant Beclem, who had the oddest look in his eye. She wondered about it for a moment, but then completely dismissed it, chalking it up to him being his usual, devious self. _Ambitious, but rubbish,_ she thought to herself as she left.

~x*x~

The flight back to the Colony was as uneventful as their flight from it. They arrived on base after midday, and Lightning was surprised to see Serah and the twins waiting for her as she left Lt. Colonel Amodar's office from her debriefing. Her sister looked like she'd been crying for days. _Pregnancy hormones,_ Lightning surmised, as she approached her sister and received a stranglehold of a hug.

"They told me something bad had happened to you! I was so worried, you should have called me!" cried Serah in near hysterics.

"I-I'm sorry, Serah, but there were other things…" Lightning's voice drifted off as she turned to see Hope being assisted by a couple of soldiers. Her sister followed the line of her gaze and she half gasped, half sobbed at the sight.

"She's been like this for _days_," Jaq informed his aunt with an exaggerated eyeroll, Vivi nodded her pigtailed head in agreement. Lightning had to suppress the urge to chuckle. Serah attempted to run to the young man, but Lightning, grabbed her arm.

"Don't embarrass him. Hope can walk over here, just be patient." And slowly, but surely, he proved her right. When Lightning felt he was close enough, she let Serah go, and the pregnant woman practically pounced on him.

"Hope! What happened? How did you-?" Serah's voice caught in a sob. Hope looked down at her and smiled gently.

"I was just doing what I promised you I would do."

Serah pushed back and looked up into Hope's eyes. Then another tearful sob came forth from her lips and she hugged him tightly once more. Lightning, seeing Hope had all he could do to balance his own weight, nevermind the weight of two and a half people, gently pried her sister off him.

"Serah," she began in a gentle, firm voice, "why don't you go and take the kids home, and get some rest okay? I promise I'll find some time to come over tomorrow. I don't want to see you this upset, it's not good for the baby, understand?" Lightning stroked her sister's hair as she tearfully nodded in agreement. She put on her brave face for her older sister, forcing a smile on her lips. Wordlessly, she took the twins by the hand and walked back to her car. She paused only once to turn back and ask, "See you tomorrow?" Lightning nodded.

When her sister had disappeared from sight, Lightning turned to Hope, and with an arched brow, stated, "Let's get you home, shall we?"

Hope smiled. Just then, a small rumble was heard and rain began to fall. Lightning made a face, and he laughed. "The sooner the better," was his answer.

They hurried as best they could to her car, with Lightning carrying both their gear. Getting inside, they looked at each other's dripping face, trying not to laugh at the dripping visage that looked back at them. Then Hope leaned toward Lightning, with half-lidded eyes and slightly parted lips in an effort to kiss her mouth, which she halted with her fingertips.

"Not yet," she murmured. "Too many potential eyes."

He tried to hide his disappointment with a nod and a deep breath to calm down. He sat back in his seat, and Lightning started the car to begin the journey home. Hope didn't try to kiss her again.

Parking the car and waiting for the elevator, Lightning noticed a small, mischievous grin starting to spread over Hope's face, but not once did he look at her. She wondered what was going on in his mind. His hand had drifted out to hers, finding and lacing their fingers together. She allowed herself a pleased smile to come to her face, slightly squeezing his hand as it wrapped around hers. When they entered the elevator, the impish expression Hope wore was still there. The doors closed behind them.

_Now what could he be thinking… oh,_ Lightning's thoughts were stilled as Hope quickly encircled her waist with his arm and kissed her. She was just beginning to relax into his hold when he pulled away and straightened up, the only indication of anything having happened between them was the slightly smug look Hope now had, coupled with the faint blush on his face. _Oh, now this won't do,_ she thought, a bit put out that he had teased her so. Lightning gave him ten seconds to enjoy his moment of triumph, and then she launched her own offensive. She pushed him against the wall of the elevator and paused to savour his look of surprise before she reached up and pressed her lips against his. Hope's arms automatically went around her as she deepened the kiss, the tip of her tongue darting out and teasing his lips, eliciting a sigh from him. Lightning pulled back just before the elevator's chime. When the door's opened, she was the one with the smug expression, as a dazed Hope struggled to collect his wits.

Together, they walked to Hope's door. Lightning handed him his bag.

"Why don't you come over for dinner once you get cleaned up and changed," she offered. "If I know Serah, she's most likely restocked my kitchen this morning, and I know you have nothing to eat."

"Sure," Hope replied, still feeling giddy from the kiss.

Lightning nodded, a soft smile turning up the corners of her mouth, "I'll see you later then."

She turned and walked to her door, feeling Hope's eyes on her as she moved. She stopped in front of her door and turned once again to look at the young man, who quickly came back to his senses, fumbling with his lock and opening his door. Lightning couldn't help but to chuckle a bit as she entered her own apartment. She tossed her bag to the side and entered her kitchen and checked her pantry. Sure enough, Serah had been here. She closed the pantry and retrieved her bag, heading to her bathroom for a much needed shower. Then she paused, noticing the vase that she had Hope's rose in was on her counter, empty. A few dried petals on the counter were the only signs the bud had existed. Lightning frowned. She knew it would be dead by the time she got home, but not seeing it there at all… She sighed heavily and strode to her bathroom, in search of a much-needed shower.

~x*x~

If it weren't for his healing injuries, Hope would have flown through getting showered and changed. He debated a bit on whether he should put in an effort to dress up or just wear something casual. _It's Light, for crying out loud,_ he thought to himself, _she's not gonna care. But it's _because_ it's Light, I want to look good for her._ He growled and shook his head. With a huff, he pulled a button down shirt with thin vertical stripes of black and blue out of his closet, and a pair of jeans. _Compromise. Perfect,_ he thought, shrugging the shirt on and wincing slightly as he rolled his left shoulder. Hope finished getting dressed and studied himself in the mirror. Aside from the misshapenness of his lower left pant leg due to the AMP-cast, he was pleased with his appearance. _Just one more thing, _he thought, grabbing his jacket as he left his apartment and walked to the elevator.

~x*x~

Lightning looked up from her cooking when she heard the knock on her door. Try as she might, she couldn't quell the elation she felt as she opened the door, biting her lower lip in an effort to calm herself down. Hope was standing there, the shoulders of his leather coat wet and his pale hair dampened to silver. They paused for a moment, taking in the sight of each other. Beneath her apron, Hope could see she had on a simple sleeveless top, it's neckline baring her collarbones, her pendant gleaming against her skin. One of her trademark skirts completed the outfit, accented with a simple belt. Hope blushed slightly, and then remembered his gifts.

"I thought I'd contribute something to dinner," Hope said softly, holding up a bottle of wine. "I'm not really all that good with picking out this sort of thing," he confessed, "but I was told it'll go good with just about any meal."

Lightning took the bottle from him and smiled at his honesty, opening the door wider for him to enter. He stepped in, pausing to brush his lips against hers as he did so. Lightning turned away from him and placed the bottle on the counter. When she turned back, she gasped at what he held in his hand.

"I, uh," Hope began, holding the rose out to her, "figured you might need a need one."

Carefully cupping the bud with her hands, Lightning bent her head and inhaled its fragrance. "Thank you, it's beautiful," she murmured.

"Shall I put in water for you?"

"Please," she replied, turning back to her cooking in an effort to hide the warmth in her cheeks. Hope spied the empty bud vase by the sink and filling it with water, placed the rose inside.

"Nice vase," he commented. Lightning laughed wryly.

"Serah gave that to me as a thank you gift for being in her wedding," she explained, not looking up from her cooking. "Never thought I'd ever have a use for it… until now."

Hope smiled and came over to stand behind her, sniffing, his hands lightly resting on her hips. "Smells good," he remarked, complimenting both the food and Lightning. "Anything I can help with?"

"You could start by opening the wine. The corkscrew is in that drawer," she indicated with her right hand, trying to be oblivious to his touch, his scent that reminded her of the warm nights back in Bodhum. "You _do_ know how to use one, right?"

"Ha, ha," Hope retorted sarcastically and pulled the utensil out. "Yeah, I think I can handle it." The unmistakeable pop of a cork releasing from a bottle moments later backed his words up.

"Glasses are already on the table," Lightning answered the unasked question, turning the burners off and preparing to place the food in serving dishes.

Dinner was a simple affair. Lightning had worried earlier about whether her culinary skills were adequate, having cooked mainly for herself for so long, and Serah would always insist on doing the cooking herself whenever she came over. The way Hope was eating however, she realized she needn't have worried. She looked thoughtfully at him over the brim of her wine glass. He felt her gaze upon him, and he paused his fork's return journey to his mouth.

"Something the matter?"

Lightning shook her pink head. "I was thinking how relieved I am that my meagre cooking skills are being so well appreciated."

Hope laughed a little, embarrassed by her observation. "Sorry, I guess I went crazy with my seconds and thirds."

"It's okay, really. I'm not too fond of keeping leftovers, and you're thin enough as it is," she replied, sipping her wine.

"I'm not _that_ thin," he protested.

"No," Lightning replied, recalling his sparring match with Rassler, the memory of his bare torso flashed before her eyes. "No, you aren't," she murmured.

When dinner was finished, Hope assisted Lightning with the washing up, sharing a friendly, teasing banter amongst them. Refilling their glasses with the last of the wine, they retired to the couch in Lightning's sitting room. Everything about her space fit her, Hope decided. The furniture, the décor, it was all neat and simple, chosen more for its function than its form. He sat down next to her, hesitating for a moment before stretching his arm out, resting it over her shoulders. Hope felt her stiffen slightly, but slowly, Lightning relaxed into his casual embrace. They sat, sipping their wine in silence before he felt the need to break it.

"Light, why did you give me back my knife, back in the cavern?"

Lightning glanced up at him, giving him a strange look. She took a sip from her glass before answering, "Because you needed it, Hope…needed to be reminded of your own strength… And, contrary to what you thought, you deserved to get it back."

Hope looked down at her with wonderment, feeling his heartbeat skipping. Wordlessly, he disengaged his arm from around her, taking her glass from her fingers and placing it down on the coffee table along with his own glass. His hand came up and caressed the side of her face; his green eyes searched her pale blue ones. The love he felt for the woman at his side threatening to burst from his chest. Lightning raised her own hand and placed it over his as Hope leaned forward. Through lowered lashes, she watched his lips breathe out three simple words:

"I love you."

Lightning could feel herself melting into his kiss, tasting the wine on his lips. She felt his tongue sweep against her mouth in askance, and she readily parted her lips for him, feeling his hands at her waist. Hope caressed and teased her tongue with his own, mating them together in a dance that neither wanted to stop. Lightning nibbled at his lips, and he could feel his desire for her start to rise. Yet Hope remembered his promise to her, he would wait until she fully came to terms with her feelings. So it was with a trembling sigh that he pulled away, his eyes closed. He pulled her into his chest, speaking softly into her hair.

"Thank you for giving me another chance."

Lightning "hmphed" into his neck, poking him in the ribs with her finger, enjoying the way he flinched at her touch. "Silly," was all she said in reply.

"I would do anything for your love, Light. Absolutely anything." Hope couldn't keep the emotion out of his voice. He felt a tear wanting to slip free and he mentally blamed it on the wine. He felt her arms come around him in a warm embrace.

"I know," she replied, nuzzling the crook of his neck as she tightened her grip around him.

The remained that way, in silence for a time, listening to each other's breathing. Then Lighting noticed Hope's breathing had grown deeper and more regular, and his body felt heavy. Carefully, she extricated herself from under his chin. Hope had fallen asleep, his face relaxed in angelic repose against the back of her couch. It had been a busy day for him, she mused, and he hadn't quite recovered from his injuries yet. The wine must've been the last straw.

She carefully got up, not wanting to disturb him. Hope never stirred as she took off his shoes and adjusted his long body so that it was stretched out on her couch. She disappeared into her bedroom to retrieve a blanket that she spread out over the sleeping man. Hope mumbled a bit, but remained asleep. Lightning kneeled down beside him, and brushing his hair from his face, placed a light kiss upon his lips.

"I love you too, Hope…and maybe one day, I'll be brave enough to tell you."

She got up, and snapped off the light, padding away quietly to get herself ready for bed.

~x*x~

Hope whimpered and shuddered in his sleep, trapped in the depths of a nightmare. He was back in the cavern again, only Lightning was nowhere to be found. He was alone. He cried out, tossing about on Lightning's couch, causing the woman to snap wide awake from a sound sleep. She paused, and then remembering Hope asleep on her couch, quickly got out of bed and hurried into the sitting room. The moonlight coming in from her windows pooled on the floor beside the couch, illuminating Hope's hair. Lightning knelt beside him, watching in horror as he twisted and moaned under the blanket in his sleep.

"Hope, wake up, you're having a bad dream," she called out to him, shaking his arms roughly. This caused him to sit upright with a startled yell, his breath coming in panting gasps. Lightning gripped his shoulders tightly.

"Light!" Hope exclaimed, panicked, not realizing she was there beside him.

"Hey! Hey, it's alright," she soothed. "I'm right here Hope, look at me." Lightning stroked his face. He turned to her silhouetted form, where it crouched beside him. She was in a tank top and a light pair of shorts. His hands glided up her arms, clutching her bare shoulders as a sob of relief escaped his lips.

"I dreamt I was in the cave again, and that you weren't there," Hope panted, his pulse pounding.

"It's okay now, Hope," Lightning said in calming tones. "I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere. Go back to sleep. She gave his shoulders one final pat as she rose, ready to return to her bed. Hope gripped her arm, preventing her from leaving.

"Hope…" Lightning began, taken aback. Hope wasn't looking at her, but down at the moonlight where it illuminated the carpet.

"Please, Light… I… I don't wanna be alone." The anguish in his voice was palpable.

A sigh escaped her lips. She hesitated, not sure what to do. He couldn't possibly mean… Could he? And what was she doing even entertaining the idea? The hand that held her arm fast trembled, and realized in his state, she had little choice. Lightning helped him to his feet. She could just make out his fear-filled eyes, shining in the moonlight. Reaching up, she stroked his face, running her fingers through his hair. Then without a word, she took Hope by the hand, and led him to her room.

Lightning got under the covers and waited for him to undress, her heart beating madly in her chest as the rustling of clothes being shed reached her ears. The edge of the bed sagged with Hope's weight, and she tensed in anticipation. The covers made a soft, whispering sound as he got in, his hands searching for her in the darkness. She reached out for him in turn, guiding him to her, a small shiver running down her spine when her fingertips met the bare flesh of his chest. He pulled her closer to him, burying his tear-stained face into her shoulder as his body curled around hers. She felt relieved when the hem of his shorts brushed against her thighs. Hope breathed a sigh of contentment, his breath floating over her collarbone, and his body relaxed against hers as his fear subsided, his heartbeat returning to a normal pace. As her arms settled around his shoulders and his breathing settled into its sleeping rhythm, it began to dawn on Lightning that this was all he wanted from her tonight. A reassuring embrace, a haven from the storm in his mind. She kissed his hair and relaxed, joining him in sleep.


	12. Lover, You Should've Come Over

**_First off I'd like to apologize for a couple of things. Firstly, for the crap editing job I did on the previous chapter. I promise I will never, ever edit anything after midnight ever again._**_** And secondly, for for the unusual length between chapters this week. I happen to be sick, as is my son, and well, caring for two ill people is bloody tiring. This is a long chapter just for you all.  
**_

_**This chapter may not be as lemony as the cough drop I'm sucking on right now, but damn, it's trying. I spent quite a few hours with Jeff Buckley crooning in my ears while writing this. His voice reduces me to a quivering mass of organic squidgy bits (listen to the way he says "I love you" in the song, So Real, and you'll see what I mean). And I've done this all for you. Read on, and enjoy, heh.  
**_

**

* * *

**

**Lover, You Should've Come Over**

The morning light from outside filtered through Lightning's bedroom curtains, illuminating in shades of grey. Hope's mind slowly drifted back to the surface of consciousness, experiencing a blissful sense of disorientation as his eyes slowly blinked open, idly wondering where he was. Beneath the covers, his body stretched its muscles and he rolled, pressing his face into the pillow. As he breathed in, its scent made him recall the events of last night.

_I'm in Light's apartment...in her bed. _

He tasted the pillow with his grin as he became aware of the warmth and weight of the body lying next to him. It had been a long time since he had slept so soundly. Last night, Lightning had been there for him, like she always had been, holding him until he felt safe once more. He turned himself to face the woman still slumbering beside him. Her back was to him, side gently rising and falling with every breath. The blankets had partially fallen away from her body, revealing her smooth porcelain shoulders and the back of her white tank top. Hope sighed at the sight of her, feeling overwhelmed by his sense of love. He inched closer to her, until his body spooned hers, the ribbing of her tank pressing against his bare chest, her backside cupped against his loins. He wrapped an arm around her midriff, fingertips gently strumming the texture of her top as he nuzzled the exposed nape of her neck, dropping soft kisses on the skin there.

At first, Lightning mumbled incoherently in her sleep, shifting back into the warmth of his body and sighing. Then as she began to awaken, her body stiffened and went still, willing the cobwebs in her mind to clear faster.

"Hope…?"

She felt rather than heard the soft chuckle he made against the flesh of her neck. Hope kissed her once more, his arm squeezing her body slightly.

"Good morning," his breath caressed her ear. "Who'd you think it was?" Hope's voice held a hint of laughter, and Lightning stiffened slightly once more. Realizing he might be waiting for her to answer, she sighed, releasing a breath she didn't realize she held.

"A ghost," she muttered, a yawn stealing from her lips. She stretched, and then paused sharply.

"Hope, I thought you said you would wait."

A confused frown crossed his face. "Yes, I did, and I am waiting." The hand that was stroking her stomach stilled.

"Then I guess the rest of you didn't get the memo." Lightning's tone sounded more irritated than she really was.

Hope's eyes flew open wide when he realized what she meant, his face scarlet. He rolled away from her, mortified and groaning, burying his face once more into the pillow, hands in his hair.

"Just because I say it," he replied in muffled, grumbling tones, "doesn't mean the rest of me will _listen._"

"Well that's what you get for having two heads." Lightning countered, rolling onto her back and propping herself up on her elbows, looking down at his contrite form.

Hope turned his head slightly, casting an apologetic eye up at her through messy hair. He studied the fullness of her lower lip, how it twitched slightly in an effort to not smile. She snorted, a sound of repressed laughter, and it caused Hope to laugh too. Shyly, he reached for her hand, lacing his fingers with hers. He shifted his position to his side for a better look at her. A sleepy smile spread over his lips as his eyes caressed her face. Then his gaze faltered as he summoned up the courage to speak what he was thinking.

"You know," he murmured, studying their joined hands, "I could get used to waking up like this, next to you. You're beautiful in the morning." Hope hesitantly looked back up at her through silvery bangs.

Feeling her heartbeat flutter, Lightning opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Instead, her lips creased into a smile, and she squeezed his hand slightly. A slight shadow crossed her eyes, one that didn't go unnoticed by Hope, and she leaned over, placing a lean arm around his bare torso and kissed him softly. She raised her head, and sweeping the covers aside, she got out of bed. Hope watched as she stood and stretched, muscles snapping sinuously. Hope rolled onto his back, watching her.

"Light…" he called to her, choosing his words carefully. "When I asked you who I thought it was, and you said a ghost… what did you mean by that?"

Lightning paused, looking down at her feet. She sighed and straightened. "It's nothing, Hope. Don't worry about it."

There was disappointment in his eyes as he pulled back the covers and swung his legs over the side of the bed. Hope sighed as he bent down to reach for his jeans. He stood up and donned them before speaking again.

"You know, you don't have to hide anything from me, Light. I mean, I kind of figured you've… been with someone else… by now… It's not like I expected you to wait for me or anything-"

"Hope," Lightning stood before him, looking up into his downcast eyes. She reached out tentatively and traced the scars on his waist. "It's like I told you. Give me time. What's in the past is in the past."

Sighing, Hope nodded in agreement. Lightning stepped closer, and he enveloped her in his arms. She raised her hands to stroke his chest, feeling the hard muscle there. His skin was smoother, softer than she imagined. Beneath her hand, she could feel his heartbeat, strong and sure. She breathed him in, all warm and inviting, and she sighed. Then she began to pull away, and Hope reluctantly let her go.

"I'm going to take a shower," she said, turning away and walking to the door.

"I'll make breakfast," Hope offered, eyes lighting up. Lightning turned back to him, and with a slight upturn of her lips, nodded.

Lightning showered and changed into her uniform. She had planned to go to the base and check on things before going to see Serah. She entered the kitchen where Hope was cooking in his jeans and undershirt, the smells of food cooking reaching her nose and stomach. As she tightened the belt of her coat, Hope turned and looked at her, his proud smile at his own cooking abilities turning into a frown as he saw her uniform. Lightning caught his expression, and sighed.

"I just need to see to a few things before going to visit Serah. Since my staff sergeant will be out for a while," she eyed his cast beneath his pant leg, "I'll have to tend to his duties as well."

"Then let me make it up to you," he offered, handing her a plate of food.

"You've already done that."

"No, I mean," Hope sighed and shook his head. "Since I'm not going to be on duty until my leg is healed, let me take care of things here. Cook for you…"

"Like Serah?" Lightning laughed, arching a brow as she sat at the table.

"I did say I wanted to show you what it feels like to be in love. Please, let me…" he blushed and looked down, unable to finish.

"Alright," she murmured. They began to eat in silence.

When Lightning finished, she made to clear her plate, but Hope stopped her, gently resting his hand on her arm.

"I'll take care of it," he said with a smile. Lightning's brow twitched, but she said nothing and gave in to his wishes.

As she was about to leave, she turned and asked him, "Would you like to come to Serah's with me later on? I'm sure she'd love to see you again, and she'll likely be more calm than she was yesterday."

Hope's face lit up and he nodded. "Sure, sounds like it'd be fun."

"Then I'll come by here to pick you up after I leave the base," confirmed Lightning. "You can let yourself out," she added. She was about to leave when Hope held the door, keeping her from closing it.

"I love you," he said, bending his head and kissing her lips softly. Lightning tried and failed to repress the shiver she felt at his touch. She caressed his cheek with a gloved hand before turning away to leave, feeling crimson warmth creeping into her face.

~x*x~

Later that day found them at the home of Serah and Snow. Situated on the outer edges of the Colony like most single-family homes, it was a pleasant bungalow, one that Lightning was sure they'd be outgrowing sooner rather than later. As she predicted, Serah was delighted that Hope had come along. The twins were too, and after they fawned over the gifts that their aunt had promised to get them, quickly dragged Hope off to show this new person their treasures. The sisters chuckled as the young man awkwardly followed the two kids who were half leading, half dragging him by the hands.

"Looks like they found a new playmate," Serah chuckled.

"This can only go well," agreed Lightning, as she took a seat next to her sister out on the patio.

"You know, I think Vivi's developed a bit of a crush on him."

Lightning laughed at her sister's observation, reaching for her glass.

"Speaking of crushes," her sister continued in sly tones, "I saw that rose in your apartment. Did Hope give that to you?"

The older Farron sister sputtered on her lemonade. Coughing, she saw that her reaction gave her away, as Serah had a look of delightful triumph on her face. She sighed, looking down at the table.

"Yes," she replied softly.

"So he finally got up the nerve to tell you, huh?"

"Something like that, yeah."

"Have you told him you feel the same?"

Lightning exhaled noisily. "Not yet."

"Claire! Why not?" Serah demanded.

"Keep your voice down!" Lightning hissed. "And I don't know why… I want to, but…" she hung her head, unable to find the words.

Serah looked at her sympathetically. "You do love him though, right?"

Lightning closed her eyes and nodded.

"Well then," Serah began in slow, measured tones, "perhaps you should start off with something small. Like let him call you by your real name."

Lightning arched a brow at her sister, looking at her as if she were mad.

"I'm serious. The only person who can get away with calling you Claire and live to tell the tale is me. If you love Hope, you should let him do the same thing."

Lightning sighed. "We'll see," wanting to put the conversation to rest. They drank in silence for a moment.

"So have you slept together yet?" Serah suddenly blurted out, making her sister choke once more. Lightning glared at her menacingly. Serah laughed, delighted at how easily she could get under her sister's skin.

"What, can't a bored, married pregnant woman live vicariously through her sister?"

"No," Lightning said flatly. Just then, Hope emerged from the house, looking bit overwhelmed.

"Everything all right?" Serah asked, still amused by her sister's reactions.

"Yeah," Hope said as he eased himself into the chair beside Lightning. "They're grabbing some toys to come out here and play. I figured I'd come out here and catch my breath before round two begins. They're uh, quite a busy pair," he chuckled. Serah poured and handed him a glass of refreshment, which he gladly took, drinking in long gulps. Serah used the moment to discreetly study the pair. Even as casually dressed as he was, Hope still looked quite handsome, the sun glinting off his hair, turning it to a gleaming white. And he looked good sitting next to her sister, who appeared to be more relaxed around him than any person Serah could think of, including herself. She noticed how Lightning would casually sneak glances his way, only noticeable to her because she knew her sister well enough to know she never looked at anyone in such a manner. Picking up her glass, Serah took a drink to hide her smile. Her sister was finding happiness at last.

~x*x~

Lightning and Hope had stayed for dinner, as Snow came home and insisted they do so. The two men caught up on the past five and a half years while Lightning let herself be entertained by her niece and nephew. Occasionally, she would look up, sensing Hope's eyes on her, and he'd give the smallest of smiles, green eyes sparkling. She would look away, in an effort to quell the blush she'd feel coming on every time she caught his glances.

It was late when they returned to the apartment building. Hope felt anxious. Truth be told, he didn't really want to go back to his place, not alone anyways. He'd much rather wake up in the same manner as he did this morning, with the smell and feel of Light's body next to his. When they stopped at his door, he nervously bit the inside of his cheek, trying to think of a way for this to happen.

"Light, I…" Hope began, his voice growing husky. "I uh, just wanted to say thank you. For last night, I mean. I ah," his face was flushing red, he could feel it, "wouldn't mind… doing it again… u-under different circumstances, of course." He finished with an attempt at laughter.

Lightning looked up at him, amused at his embarrassment. She cupped one of his hands in hers, pressing something into his palm. Hope looked down into his hand and saw she had given him what could only be the key to her apartment. His jaw went slack and he looked at her. She shrugged, feigning indifference.

"You did say you wanted to take care of things for me," she explained.

Hope quickly pocketed the key in order to hold Lightning, his hands gently resting on her waist. The familiar warmth started to awake within her core at his touch, and her breath caught in her throat. She found herself focusing on the shape of his mouth, as his lips parted and drew closer to hers. Sighing, she readily accepted his kiss with her own, committing the shape and feel of his mouth to memory. He gently pressed her body against his, pressing the kiss deeper into her willing mouth. Lightning's hands drifted up to rest on his arms, feeling the lean muscle there. Lightning shuddered as his tongue made its gentle intrusion known. Hope's fingers gently kneaded the small of her back in light circles as he savoured the taste of her mouth. He wanted her, needed to feel her lying next to him. Breaking the kiss, he rested his forehead against hers, panting softly. She sighed, her own breath coming in short gasps.

"Maybe," he breathed, "you should stay here tonight."

"Hope," Lightning sighed, pulling away slightly and shaking her head. Hope's hands resisted her retreat, holding her close.

"I need you."

Lightning shivered at his words. "I know, but I'm not ready… not yet."

"Could you at least tell me you love me?" Hope pleaded. "It's not like I can't tell you do, but… I'd like to hear you say it. Please, Light..."

Lightning sighed, a soft smile on her lips. "You don't have to call me that anymore." She answered his confused look with a quick kiss and a knowing gaze. A smile of realization slowly started to spread over his features. He leaned in and kissed her once more.

"Claire," Hope murmured, treasuring the sound of Lightning's real name, cupping the side of her face with his palm. "I love you."

She leaned into his hand and closed her eyes. When she opened them once again, she looked straight into his eyes, her lips parted slightly.

"I… I love you too, Hope." Lightning gasped a bit as the words left her mouth.

Hope closed his eyes and released the breath he had been holding, shuddering. He felt her lips caress his, and he tried drawing her in once more, but she backed away before he could.

"I'll see you tomorrow, get some sleep. Goodnight Hope," Lightning whispered, stroking his cheek.

Hope's face looked pained with disappointment. He nodded mutely with his eyes closed. He didn't open them until he heard the click of her door closing. Releasing a sigh, he entered his own apartment. Inside, it was quiet and dark. _Feels as empty as I do when she's not near,_ he thought to himself. He wandered around, almost as if he was looking for her in the shadows, and soon found himself in the bathroom, staring at his reflection.

"She's told you she loves you," he told his image. "And you told her you'd wait. Don't rush her or you'll lose her again." But inside, he could feel himself burning.

That night, he lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, missing the warmth and presence if the woman he loved beside him. Hope wondered if Lightning was in her bed, thinking and feeling the same things. He stretched out his arm to the vacant space beside him, and sighed at its emptiness. _Just one night in her arms, and already I feel lonely without her,_ he mused. Sleep did not come until sheer exhaustion overwhelmed him.

~x*x~

Over the ensuing days, Hope kept his word. He would let himself into Lightning's apartment about a half hour before she was due home and start cooking. His skills weren't stellar, but he did remember a few things from watching his mother, and having the time during the day to do any online research for a recipe didn't hurt either. He would always greet her at the door with a kiss and an embrace. Then she would go clean up and change whilst he put the finishing touches on their meal. After dinner, they'd curl up on the couch together, much to Hope's delight. He had once suggested they go out for a stroll, but Lightning reasoned that it wouldn't be a good idea for him to put any undue strain on his still healing leg. Hope suspected there was something more to it than that, but he didn't press the issue. Oftentimes, he would give her shoulders a massage, which invariably would lead into another long kissing session.

He quickly learned where she enjoyed being kissed - a spot just behind and below her earlobe, the soft hollow area above her collarbone, the inside of her wrist. A caress across her stomach would elicit a soft gasp from her full lips. Never once though did he press further unless she indicated it. Ever the attentive lover, Hope was eager to accommodate her need. However, she hadn't let him stay the night since that first and only time, usually citing the need to report to base the next day. Hope would go to bed alone, feeling the fire inside growing steadily, and didn't know how much longer he could last.

It was when he noticed the rose he gave her was starting to fade that gave him an idea. The following evening when Lightning got home, she immediately noticed something was up. The first clue was the soft music in the background and the dimmer than normal lighting. Hope had greeted her at the door in the usual manner, all smiles and kisses and hugs. His eyes though, they had something different about them that she couldn't quite place.

"I've got a surprise for you," he murmured. "C'mon, I'll show you." Hope escorted her to the bathroom.

"Close your eyes." Lightning hesitated at the request, then sighed, giving in.

Hope opened the door, and gently escorted her in.

"Okay, you can open them now."

Lightning opened her eyes and gasped. Hope had placed candles along the sink, and the garden tub that she rarely ever used was filled, the water's surface covered in red rose petals. Steam curled up and wafted above the petals, dancing in the candlelight. She stood there, thunderstruck, when Hope whispered in her ear.

"Go ahead and take your time. I'll be back to scrub your back, if you want," he punctuated his words with a kiss.

She still couldn't believe her eyes after he had left. Shaking her head in wonderment, she began to disrobe. _What compelled him to do this,_ she wondered. Hesitantly, she dipped a toe in, and finding the water to be a perfect temperature, she allowed herself an indulgent smile, stepping fully into the water and settling down. The rose petals provided a heady perfume, cleansing her mind of the day's stresses. She leaned back, letting the water soak her hair before piling it atop her head, some of the petals stuck to the wet pink tendrils. She grabbed the nearby sponge and soap, noting that this must've been part of Hope's setup too. The soaps she typically purchased were basic, while this looked much more expensive. Its lather felt luxurious against her skin as she massaged it over her body, sighing at its fragrance. Lightning was in the process of rinsing off when she heard the soft knock at the door.

"Come in," she called, placing an arm over her breasts and turning away from the door slightly. She looked over her shoulder hesitantly at Hope as he slipped inside.

"Would you like me to scrub your back?" He asked, just to make sure.

"If you think you can get down here."

Hope chuckled and lifted his left pant leg, revealing a cast-free limb. Lightning's eyebrows rose in surprise.

"They took it off today when I went for my checkup. I'm back to a hundred percent," he beamed as he knelt, reaching for the soap and sponge.

"Mh, just in time to enjoy the week's leave the rest of us in the platoon are getting," muttered Lightning.

"Well that's good then, isn't it? That means we can go out somewhere together," Hope offered. Lightning frowned slightly. "Oh come on, Claire," he cajoled, cringing inside when her eyebrow twitched at his use of her name. He still wasn't sure if she fully accepted him using it. "There are so many things I want to go and see with you. I know… Why don't I take you to that beach I told you about? You remember, don't you?"

Lightning chuckled softly. "How can I forget? I thought I was going to lose you then…" her voice faltered, and Hope wrapped an arm over her shoulders.

"You didn't lose me. I'm right here," he whispered in her ear. She nodded and sighed, eyes closed.

Silently, Hope began his ministrations on her back. He worked the lather in slow, small circles, noting the supple muscles of her shoulder blades and back. Lightning leaned forward to allow him better access, her breath measured and relaxed. He gently rinsed her back, and as he did so, traced small kisses along the freshly cleaned skin. Beneath his lips, he could feel her shoulders and ribcage rise with her swift intake of breath at his touch. Hope smiled slightly, gently nipping along her spine, enjoying the way she shivered. His lips traveled back up to her neck as his hands wandered to her shoulders, revelling in their softness. The arm Lightning was using to cover her breasts twitched as his fingertips traced a path down its damp flesh, his mouth finding that special spot by her ear that made her gasp every time he kissed it.

Gently, he pulled at the arm she was using to cover herself with, and she limply complied. Long, lean fingers grazed her left breast, and Lightning bit her lip, inhaling sharply. Hope nuzzled her ear, laying eyes upon her bare skin below the water, as his hand cupped her breast, feeling the shape of it, the smooth firmness of it skin, the faint, quickened pulse beneath it. He let his thumb graze her nipple and she hummed deep within her throat. Hope let his free hand reach down into the water to trace circles across her bare stomach, enjoying how her abdominal muscles would undulate at his touch. Lightning's lips parted to exhale shakily as his lips traveled down her neck once more, bending up one knee out of the water.

"Claire," he whispered into her skin, "please, let me make love to you." The hand Hope was using to stroke her stomach moved to graze the flesh of her thigh teasingly. Lightning had leaned her head against his, her breath quickening.

"You better have not have dinner still cooking," she mumbled in a daze.

Hope laughed softly at her thought processes. "It's been off for a while now. Come," he coaxed, "unless you want me in there with you?"

Lightning looked at Hope, all six-foot-plus of him. "Somehow, I don't think you'd fit."

He chuckled again and helped her rise, offering her a towel to dry and cover her herself with. After she had done so, Hope unceremoniously lifted her up in his arms. Lightning, taken aback by this, looked at him sharply as she clutched his shoulders. He smiled at her, shyly and full of love and more carnal emotions.

"Please, let me do this. I'll be so good to you, Claire. I promise." Hope gently captured her lips with his.

Lightning sighed as the kiss broke. Leaning her head against his, she nodded. "Okay," she murmured.

Hope carefully carried her into her bedroom, where he had placed more candles. Reverently, he laid her on the bed, and straightened, pausing to admire her towel-clad body. A few rose petals still stuck in places on her damp skin. Her pale blue eyes were watching him, her gaze a mixture of hesitation and anticipation. He quickly shed his shirt before proceeding to undo the towel, slowly revealing the flesh of the woman lying beneath its folds. A sigh escaped his lips as he looked down upon her with awe.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered, leaning down to kiss her lips. Lightning shivered, a mix of his kiss and the cooling effect of the moisture drying on her skin. Her hands reached up and clasped under his arms around his back, pulling Hope closer, wanting to feel the warmth of his flesh against her own. Her reservations overcome by her need to feel his lips, his caresses, everywhere on her body. He was only too happy to oblige, his lips moving down from her mouth to her neck, one hand tracing along her side while he braced himself over her. As his lips reached the valley between her breasts, Lightning exhaled and let her own hands glide down the muscles of his back, pulling at the waistband of his trousers. Hope smiled into her chest, playfully caressing a breast with his lips before pulling away, pulling a disappointed moan from her lips. He looked down at her porcelain perfection; his pulse skipping as a faint flush could be seen spreading over her chest and face. His hands hurried with the business of removing his pants, and Lightning felt herself stop breathing, the realization this was actually happening settling in. She made to pull back to covers of the bed, when Hope stopped her.

"Don't. I want to be able to see all of you."

"I'm getting cold."

"Don't worry," he replied, leaning forward on the bed and kicking away the last of his clothes. "I'll keep you warm."

Hope knelt upon the edge of the bed, one knee gently wedging itself between hers. Lightning's eyes never left his until he bent his head to resume his lips' worship of her body, where they rolled into the back of her head as his mouth covered her breast. Her teeth bit into her lip as his tongue caressed her nipple, flicking it gently, as he suckled upon her. He was right, he certainly was keeping her warm, she thought as she arched against the hand that swept down her side, stroked her thigh and moved back upward. She felt his shaft pulsing against her thigh, hot and urgent, and gasped as the sensation. Hope raised his head to look at her, and smiled. His eyes were darkened with desire, and Lightning wondered if hers looked the same way as his lips caressed her jaw. He rested his head on her chest, listening to her heart pounding in her chest, as he cupped her breast, teasing her nipple with his thumb. Lightning squirmed, hips shifting restlessly as his mouth took over for his hand. Her fingers wound themselves into his hair, breathing his name out soundlessly as his teeth grazed her sensitive flesh, his hand roaming downward over her body, stroking her abdomen, before going lower, fingertips teasing her womanhood.

Hope propped himself on his elbow and raised his head, watching the expressions of shock and ecstasy cross Lightning's face. He grew bolder, gently parting the folds of her with his finger, tracing its softness up and down, painting her flesh with her own wetness. She breathed a soft moan and she opened her eyes, locking gazes with him. Just inches from her face, his lips were turned up in a sensuous smile as his finger pressed deeper inside her, entering her heated core. Her body trembled as the singular intrusion was joined by another finger, his thumb brushed over the nub of flesh above her entrance. Lightning's hips instinctively raised in response, her arms wrapping around Hope once more in an effort to bring his lips to hers. He obeyed her wish, feeling her moan into his mouth as he alternately curled and extended his fingers inside her, stroking her moist inner walls as his thumb continued teasing her clitoris. Her body throbbed at his touch, her pulse increasing rapidly. It was then his turn to shudder as one of her hands glided down his chest, down his lean stomach and wrapped itself around his manhood. She explored the length of him, fingers tracing his hard flesh up and down, smoothing the bead of moisture she found on its tip all over the head of his shaft. Hope half moaned, half growled, and the corner of Lightning's mouth curled into a smile. He pushed his fingers inside her deeper in response, swirling them, and her thighs parted wider. He withdrew his hand between her legs, and she sighed, not wanting him to stop.

"I want you," Hope murmured huskily into her ear, feeling more than hearing her response. He nudged her thighs wider apart, and lay down between them. He reached down and placed himself at her moist entrance and using his hips, pressed inside. Lightning felt her breath hitch as her body adjusted to him, and he gasped as he steadily sheathed himself inside her fully. He looked down into her eyes, sweeping away the damp pink tendrils from her face, his heart thrilled at seeing the love he saw there. Lacing his fingers with hers, he began to thrust inside her, never once taking his gaze from hers. It wasn't long before she was answering him with her own thrusts, her back arching and matching his rhythm. Breaths panting, they picked up their pace, hips grinding into each other, skin making slapping noises each time they connected. Hope could feel sweat beginning to bead and trickle between his shoulder blades as he pressed deep into her body. A cry escaped Lightning's lips as she felt him reach deep into her core, her hands scrambling up his arms to grip tightly at his shoulders. Taking a cue from her response, he intensified his thrusts within her. She groaned, but seemed to enjoy the harder, rougher intrusion of her body, lifting her hips off the bed to meet him. Hope increased his speed to match this new intensity, and he squeezed his eyes shut, seeing stars behind his lids. It was enough to set Lightning on her journey over the edge. Her breathing came in sharp pants, punctuated with a soft grunt each time he bottomed out within her. Then with little warning, the first wave of her climax crashed down on her, causing a wailing cry to slip from her lips, her head tilting back and tossing. She dug her nails deep into Hope's arms, leveraging her hips up against his body. He assisted her by cupping her bottom with a hand, rocking his hips urgently against hers. Lightning tried calling out his name, but it was drowned out by a keening moan. She shuddered as yet another wave washed over her. It was soon too much for Hope and he soon joined her with a climax of his own, groaning and forcefully pressing her body down against the bed. He thrust deeply into her, joining their bodies together fully as he spilt himself inside her, filling her with his essence. His body twitched violently against hers, and he buried his sweaty face in her hair, groaning hot breaths against her neck. With one last shudder, they collapsed together in a tangle of limbs. Lightning's arms draped feather-light around Hope's back, and the young man sighed, body spent. She could feel his heartbeat pressing against her chest as it returned to a more normal pace.

"I love you, Hope," she murmured dreamily, staring into nothingness as she mindlessly stroked his sweat-slicked skin.

He raised his head to look down at her blissful features. "I love you too, Claire," he replied, and they shared a smile between them as their lips met. Hope slipped out of her and rolled off to curl up by her side, his arm encircling her body. The music in the sitting room and their breathing were the only sounds audible while they recovered.

"Maybe next time, we'll have dinner before dessert, hm?" Lightning quipped when she regained part of her senses.

Hope laughed and kissed her shoulder. "What makes you think," he began between kisses, "that this was dessert?" His tone grew more suggestive. "I prefer to think of this as… an appetizer." He punctuated his comment with a playful nip of her shoulder, eliciting a small yelp from her. Lightning slapped his arm, and they dissolved in soft laughter, basking in the afterglow and candlelight.


	13. Falling is Like This

_**I had a message from a reader the other day asking if it would be okay for them to use this story as inspiration for fan art, and the answer is yes (after all, these aren't my characters, I'm just messing with 'em). And this goes for everyone else who may be so inclined. All I ask in return is that you credit the story and send me a link 'cause I'd LOVE to see it.**_

_**There'll be no more updates this week. I have visitors coming for the weekend, which means I have to pretend to be a proper hausfrau (key word: "pretend"). So don't expect anything new until mid/late next week. Most of this chapter is sweet, lemony filler with a few bits of setup plot for the coming second act of the story. Lemme know if you like it.**_

_**We're getting close to 200 reviews (you guys have no idea how mind-blowing that is for me, I'm serious), so I thought I'd do this: the 200th reviewer will get a chance to have a chat with me, since I'm not normally one to talk about myself or my work. I'll send the person my messenger ID (I have just about every one of 'em), or if they got a PSN ID, we can use that and have a voice chat. **_

_**Sound good? Then on with the chapter!**_

* * *

**Falling is Like This**

Waking up sore never felt so good, Lightning decided, grimacing at the throbbing pain she felt between her thighs as she shifted her position in bed. Hope lay sprawled out on his side next to her, his face partially covered by his silver locks. The only sign of life that came from his body was his bare chest as it moved with his breathing, a sheet wound around his lower half. She looked at the completely spent young man, a small sleepy smile on her lips.

He had been right – their first coupling had been an appetizer. After they recovered, Hope had almost gleefully hopped out of bed to fetch the dinner he had made earlier. Lightning thought he had lost his mind, but his natural sincerity made her laugh and go along with his mad fantasy. They ate dinner while they lay on her bed, nude; using the towel she had been wearing when he carried from the bath as a sort of picnic blanket. He fed her, mischievously, but only after he pleaded with her when she arched a dubious brow at him.

"C'mon, you have no idea how many times I've dreamt of doing this. Please?" Hope's face had a look of innocence about it that completely contradicted what they had just done together.

Lightning had shaken her head, giving in and rolling her eyes, said, "I can't believe I'm doing this."

He then grinned, and his innocent look completely disappeared as he raised the fork to her lips. It only took a few bites for her to realize that for Hope, dinner was just another term for foreplay. Every serving was a tease, and the off time he would 'accidentally' spill a little on her, his lips would come into play upon her skin, teasing her, testing her willpower. It took every last ounce of Lightning's indomitable willpower to not make a sound as his tongue licked a drop of sauce that had trickled across her breast. She could not, however, control the quickening pace of her breath, or the warm, moist feeling that had returned between her legs as he shamelessly lapped at the skin just above her nipple. Her body squirmed slightly, thighs rubbing together, and he glanced at her briefly through half-lidded eyes, licking his lips before serving her another mouthful. Mentally, she cursed at him for pretending not to notice, when it was so blatantly obvious by his growing arousal that he did. Would he string her along until everything was eaten, she wondered, or would she break first?

It turned out to be a little bit of both. Hope had been taunting her with some grapes when Lightning snapped. Sweeping the empty plates to the floor with a crash, she lunged for him, catching him pleasantly off guard and pinned his shoulders to the bed. The look she gave him was positively carnal, and it only served to fuel his own lust-filled gaze. Gripping the wrist of the hand that held the grapes, she slowly brought it up to her mouth, her eyes never leaving his as she carefully bit off a few of the smooth globes. She chewed and swallowed, doing it all in slow motion, watching him watch her, enjoying how his adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed along with her. She pulled off another grape and held it in her lips, then lowered his hand to his side once more. Hope's lips partially opened as he saw what she was about to do. He raised his head to meet her, in an attempt to take the grape, but she was having none of it, pulling back just out of his reach. Lightning shifted her position on top of him, her thigh grazing his erection deliberately, making him moan. Her lips smiled wickedly around the grape as she brought it once more tantalizingly close to his mouth. This time he lay there obediently, waiting until the cool skin of the fruit grazed his lips before parting them. Lightning swept the fruit into his mouth with her tongue, licking just inside the entrance of his mouth before darting back. Hope, however, had other ideas. His teeth made quick work of the grape and as he swallowed, he reached up and caught her hair in his hand and brought her mouth down crushingly against his, moaning at the contact. She could taste the remnants of the grape on his tongue as it pushed into her mouth, dominating hers. Using his size and weight as an advantage, he flipped them over, his lean arms wrapping around her torso tightly. Lightning gasped as her body was once more crushed into mattress.

Where their first encounter had been gentle and sweet, this was pure, unadulterated lust. Hope's hands groped her body eagerly, alternately squeezing and caressing her breasts, moaning at the sight of her arching into him as he pinched and rolled her nipples. Lightning answered him, purring. She didn't know what need satisfying most, her aching breasts or the growing wetness she felt below. He licked and nipped, trailing down to the skin of her stomach, and she writhed in the agonizing pleasure he gave her. The pulsing sensation she felt between her thighs never felt more urgent, more necessary. Her hips rose of their own volition, and he answered her unspoken plea by covering her mound with his mouth. Lightning arched clear off the bed as his tongue made first contact, fingers balling up fistfuls of bedding in an effort to hold on to what little sanity she had left. Hope's lean hands held her hips still as his tongue invaded her folds, pushing, probing, tasting, teasing her to new heights. She watched him through tangled lashes as he released his mouth's hold on her to pause and look down upon that most private area of her body. He sighed in awe, looking like a man who was finally realizing a lifelong dream, and in a way, Lightning guessed, he probably was.

"You're so wet... so beautiful…" Hope whispered, and reclaimed her with his mouth, a deep, pleasured sound resonating from within his throat.

"Hope…" Lightning choked out his name as his voice reverberated up through her body; pushing her closer to the edge of the climax she could feel building within her. Her hand reached down and wound itself into his hair, pulling slightly. Her heels had propped themselves up on his back and were digging into the muscle there as she felt his tongue eagerly licking at her flesh. Then Hope sucked her nub in between his teeth, flicking with his tongue, and Lightning saw sparks behind her lids. Everything in her brain shut down to solely focus on the sensations he was giving her, and oh, how much she didn't want him to stop. Her mouth hung open in a silent scream as the hand she had in his hair tightened, practically grinding herself into his face. Hope alternately sucked on and licked at her nub, and her body started to spasmodically twitch, yearning for release. One of his hands moved from where he had been holding her hip to caress her inner thigh, fingertips tracing close to her apex, one digit probing into her moist walls. The pressure she had been feeling build up within her exploded with his touch and she came, panting his name over and over in rhythmic tones as she bucked her hips, feeling his mouth cling to her for dear life, drinking her in, groaning in delight at the taste of her release.

Her body was still shuddering in ecstasy when Hope pulled his mouth away from her. His groin ached with the desperate need to be inside her. _Now_. He pulled her hand from his hair and pinned it to her side, dropping her hips to the bed as he shoved her legs apart and entered her, filling her completely in one thrust. Lightning's eyes flew wide open at the sudden, almost violent invasion of her body, its force nearly taking her breath away. Her eyes focused up at Hope, his mouth and chin wet from her, the muscles in his jaw flexing, his eyes intense. He saw her looking at him, and his gaze softened slightly. Then with a sensual grin he thrust his hips roughly against her, locking their bodies firmly together. Lightning didn't think it was possible for him to fill her any more completely than he had the first time, but he did. He thrust into her again – hard - and she stopped thinking altogether. One word flashed through her mind, _more_, and Hope eagerly obliged. Her slitted eyes watched him as he watched himself move in and out of her body, completely lost in the movement. She reached up her hands and spread her fingers across the expanse of his chest, kneading the muscle and bracing herself as he repeatedly slammed home into her. She couldn't remember ever feeling so damn good. The harder he pushed, the more she wanted him; the more she wanted him, the greater her desire grew. The delicious pressure within her core was building again and he was getting closer to piercing it with every frantic plunge. Her strong legs had wrapped themselves firmly around his waist, helping to pull him deeper into her. She didn't want to stop, but she felt that if she didn't come soon, she would surely go mad.

Hope was panting, shaking from his efforts. The way her muscles flexed around his shaft every time he filled her was sweet torture. It was better than anything he had dared to dream about in the five years he had been away, working on becoming the man he had wanted her to see him as. Being with her like this, seeing her so wanton all because of his touch, made all the pain, all the awfulness of being isolated on the frontier for those years seem worth it. She had healed him once again, just by giving him her love and her body willingly.

"Hope..."

The wavering moan in which Lightning called out his name made him slowly drag lustful eyes up her body to meet her gaze. Her teeth were clenched, lips parted as she made a low, keening sound with every breath. Her breasts, glistening softly with sweat, heaved both with her pants and his thrusts. Hope had never seen her more beautiful.

"Please…"

The singular, pleading evocation made Hope shiver. His eyes still on her, he brought his thumb up to his mouth and sucked on the pad, wetting it with his tongue. Then slowly, he brought it down upon her nub, rubbing it as he plunged as deep into her as he could, grinding his hips against hers. His other hand clasped her breast, rolling her already hard nipple. The onslaught of sensations put Lightning's senses into overload, and as she felt him thrust repeatedly against her core, her body at long last gave into the release she so desperately needed. Her body thrashed beneath him, hands scrabbling wildly, looking for something to grab on to, to keep her from feeling like she really was going over the edge. She clenched his shaft with her muscles, and he cried out, reveling in her new found tightness and wetness. Hope continued to pump into her, enjoying the way she felt inside while she came. His own body ached to do the same and when he finally did, he fell forward with a groan, his hands on either side of her flushed, wailing face, hips moving frenetically as spasm after delightful spasm rocked through his body. He could feel each shudder fill her body anew as he drained himself dry. He fell limply against her when he was done, still shuddering, and rolled to his side, doing his best to gather her boneless body against him.

"I love you," Hope half-sobbed mere inches from her face. "I love you," he repeated the words over and over again until his voice failed. Lightning, too far gone to even muster the strength up to reply, just panted and nodded, her hand on his thumping heart. They fell asleep that way, only to reawaken when their exposed bodies became chilled from the sweat that evaporated. They haphazardly pulled the covers back and crawled in, reaching for each other and promptly returned to their slumber.

Lightning had been watching Hope as he slept while she recalled the evening's activities. He was if anything, she mused, a most eager and passionate lover. She really couldn't ask for anything more, though she had little doubt that if she did, he'd more than try to fulfill her desires. Whoever taught him – because she wasn't so naïve as to believe he had no prior sexual encounters before last night – had taught him well. She leaned over and kissed him lightly, noting he was in such deep sleep he didn't even stir. Carefully so as not to disturb him, she gingerly eased herself out of bed. She wanted to shower and hopefully have some breakfast waiting for him when he woke up. Lightning quietly left her room.

When she entered her bathroom, she saw the candles that Hope had put on the counter has gutted themselves out, their waxy fragrance still hung in the air. The tub too, was still full. She walked over and pulled the plug before turning on the water in her shower. When the temperature was to her liking, she stepped inside, welcoming the warm blast of water on her skin. She set about cleansing the traces of their lovemaking from her body, grimacing each time her thighs squeezed too close together. _Hope_, she thought to herself with a grin, _keep this up, and you could make me addicted to you._ Lightning plunged her face into the spray, rinsing her hair. The rush of the water past her ears didn't let her hear Hope sliding the door open and entering behind her.

"There you are," he mumbled sleepily somewhere near her left ear, his arms wrapping around her waist. "I wondered where you went."

"I, uh…" Lightning cut herself off with a sigh as his lips tasted her neck. "I wanted to get cleaned up before you woke, and make some breakfast, since you've been doing everything."

Hope hummed in reply, fingers spanning her bare stomach. "You're so good to me," he sighed, dropping a kiss onto her shoulder. She snorted softly and smirked, turning around in his arms to face him.

"I haven't done anything."

"That's not true. Ever since we were first together back on Cocoon, you've been there for me when I've needed you. All those years I was out in one miserable corner of Pulse or another, the thought of making it back here to be with you… Sometimes, it was the only thing that would keep me going. To be worthy of you… Claire… It's all I've ever wanted to be."

Humbled, Lightning looked away, letting the spray of the shower bounce off the back of her neck. Hope's words touched her, and she marveled at how he can still be so innocently frank about his emotions. She looked back up at him and cupped his face in her hands. Her blue eyes looked into his green ones intensely.

"You don't ever have to worry about being worthy enough for me, Hope," and she punctuated her words by covering his lips with hers. She broke the kiss and nestled her face into his neck and breathed him in. They stood under the water in each other's arms, quietly enjoying the moment.

It was after they had eaten when Hope brought up the topic of traveling to the beach he had told her about once more.

"Why don't we leave today? It'll probably take us a couple of days to get there, and it's not like we have anything else to do. I'll get my velocycle from my dad's and we can pack what we need to go."

Lightning looked at him incredulously. "You're really serious about this."

"It'll be fun," he coaxed.

"Fun, huh? That's provided the local wildlife doesn't mistake us for a snack."

"I think the two of us can take care of anything that tries," Hope stated confidently. "When we were there, we saw nothing that was a real threat." Lightning still didn't look convinced, so he tried a different tactic. "Look, you haven't wanted to go out anywhere here with me, and to be honest, I'm getting tired of being cooped up here with you...even if it is, well… nice. I know you don't want to be seen with me," she opened her mouth to protest, but he didn't let her, "and I thought this would be a good compromise."

Whatever objection Lightning was going to utter quickly died in her throat. It wasn't that she didn't want to be seen with Hope. She didn't want anyone from the _Corps _seeing her with him. The thought of being brought up on charges was a very real and disturbing one for her. She could lose everything, even Hope himself, and that was something she definitely did _not_ want. She saw he was waiting for her answer.

She quickly masked her worries and shrugged in acquiescence. "Fine. But let's not spend the whole week there, okay? We get back on duty all tanned and sunburned or whatever and people are going to wonder."

Hope grinned in victory.

~x*x~

Later on, Hope was at his father's getting his velocycle ready. He was surprised to find him at home when he arrived. Bartholomew Estheim was glad to see his son had recovered from his injuries, and expressed his regret for not being able to see him as often as he would've liked. Hope waved him off, smiling.

"It's okay, dad, really. I'm not a little kid anymore who doesn't understand what you do. I know that being a leader is hard work. Especially being a Chancellor. You have the whole Colony to look after."

Bartholomew looked up at his son, his bespectacled gaze softening a bit. There was something about him today that he couldn't quite place. Hope seemed more at peace with himself, much more so than in his past visits. The older man noted his son had his weapons and a small pack he was stowing on his vehicle.

"Going away somewhere already?"

Another smile tugged at Hope's mouth. "Yeah, we got a week's leave off, so I'm going to be doing a little camping."

"Never thought I'd ever hear you say that," his father chuckled and shook his head. "The military certainly changed you! I for one am grateful you had someone like Captain Farron to look up to when I couldn't be there when you needed me."

Hope blushed a bit at the mention of Lightning. He fumbled a bit with the latch of his velocycle's saddlebag, his brow furrowing. Internally, he had been debating whether or not to tell his dad about his relationship with Lightning. The man must've seen his son had harbored feelings for the woman for years now. What would Bartholomew say if he told him that he had fallen in love with someone nearly seven years his senior? Hope sighed, trying to think of a way to broach the subject.

"Dad," he began, looking for the right words, "have you ever been in love?"

His father laughed. "Well Hope, I _did_ marry your mother."

Hope smiled and chuckled sheepishly. "Yeah, you're right, dumb question… Nevermind, forget I said anything." He turned back to packing, but his father stopped him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Hope? What's going on, son?"

Hope sighed once more. "I- I'm in love… With Lightning." _May as well get to the point,_ he thought, cringing internally.

His father's brows rose over his glasses. His son's face was full of hesitation, and it reminded him of when he had come home, branded as a l'cie, telling him of Nora's death. He smiled sympathetically at the young man his son had become. His mother would be proud to see him grown, he thought.

"Does she know?" Bartholomew asked softly. Hope nodded.

"And does she love you back?" Again, Hope nodded mutely.

"So why the hesitation? Is there something wrong?"

"No, nothing's wrong, and yet…" Hope paused. Why was this so hard to talk about? "I thought you wouldn't approve, considering she's older than me. That, and she's my superior officer."

"Ah, so that's it," his father was putting the pieces together.

"So you're… okay… with it?"

"Hope, love is love. No one has the right to decide for you who you love and who you cannot, including me."

"Well, the Corps sure can…"

"To a degree, yes." Bartholomew replied. "Do they know?"

Hope shook his head. "No, but I know Lightning is concerned about it. She hasn't told me outright, but I can tell she thinks about it often."

"She has every right to be concerned. The military can be quite harsh to commissioned officers who cultivate relationships with those under their command."

"I know… I just wish… I could do something. She didn't start this, I did. I've loved her for longer than I've been in the military, and… I can't imagine my life without her," Hope's voice was filling with anguish.

"You could let her know she's not alone," his father offered.

This was true, Hope realized. Lightning had made a habit of internalizing her troubles, one that she probably held since she had to take care of Serah when she was no more than a child herself. She needed to know that she wasn't alone now, that he would be there for her. Hope had been so lost in his thoughts that he didn't notice his father had slipped back inside the house until he saw him coming back out. He was holding something small in his hand.

"I had planned on giving this to your mother when I met up with you both in Bodhum, but…" Bartholomew was unable to finish and stuck the box out in offering to Hope. "Here."

Hope took the box questioningly and opened it. His eyes widened when he saw what was inside. He looked back at his father, who smiled.

"Dad, I-"

"You don't have to give it to her right away. You'll know when the time is right." Bartholomew's expression grew a bit more solemn as he looked upon his son. "I'm proud of you, Hope… and I'm sure that if she were still here today, your mother would be too."

Hope blinked and swallowed, suddenly moved by his father's words. He studied the box in his hand for a moment, trying to find the words. Then he unzipped his jacket and placed the box in the inside pocket there, right over his heart. He zipped his coat back up and looked at his father with an attempt to smile.

"Thanks dad… I should be going now."

His father nodded and clapped him on the shoulder gently. "Take care, son."

Hope nodded, then donning his gloves, he mounted his velocycle, started it up and sped off back to the apartment building and Lightning. Bartholomew stood and watched the departing form of his son, a small smile upon his face.

~x*x~

When Hope got back to Lightning's apartment, she was packed and waiting for him. She was dressed in a similar fashion as him, head to toe in leather, and wearing her uniform's boots. She met him at the door, much to his surprise.

"Well, I guess I don't have to ask if you're ready to go," he remarked in good humor.

Lightning shrugged. "I expected you to return sooner."

"I stopped and talked with my dad for a bit, he happened to be home for a change."

"Oh? How is he?"

"The same as ever," Hope chuckled. "He says hello."

Lightning tilted her head slightly to one side. "Does he… know… about us?"

Hope's brows rose, slightly taken aback, and the box he had placed inside his jacket took that exact moment to poke him in the chest, reminding him of its presence. "Ah… well…" he began awkwardly.

Lightning sighed and shook her head, her intuition already telling her the answer. "I guess it can't be helped. He is your father, after all. I'm surprised he was okay with it."

"He told me love is love," Hope replied simply, a thoughtful smile spreading across his face.

"Your father is a wise man," she remarked softly. "Let's get going. I hope this beach is as beautiful as you've described it to be." Lightning strode past him out the door, her gear in hand.

"Trust me," Hope assured her, catching up to her and putting his arm around her waist. "It's more than beautiful. Words can't do it justice. Kind of like you."

Lightning would have laughed at his flattery had Hope not chose to kiss her just then.


	14. Pink Moon

_**So my company that was supposed to come visit last weekend ended up postponing their trip here until this weekend, which left me with all this free time to write when I didn't think I was gonna have any (yay me!). The song that's inspired this current chapter is one I'm willing to bet you're quite familiar with, but don't even realize it. If you have more than just a passing knowledge of it, and can even name the man who sang it (Nick Drake), then you already have a clue to what's coming.**_

_**Recently, I've had this pre-game one shot story about Hope and his mother nagging me to write it. I've promised myself not to get distracted by any other projects until I've seen this one through, but I don't know if it will wait. So, don't be surprised if you see something new from me in the following weeks if I do break down and write it.**_

_**As always, I own nothing, and reviews are what keep this beast fed and happy.  
**_

**

* * *

**

Pink Moon

Hope was right.

They had reached the beach of his stories by their second day of travel. From over his shoulder, Lightning could see the shimmer of the water long before they reached it as they skimmed over the tops of the monstrous plants on his velocycle. They had been, for the most part, unmolested by the local wildlife, with only a couple of wyverns meeting their doom at the business end of Lighting's and Hope's weapons. She couldn't help but admire how he was able to pilot the speeding machine and still be able to fire off a few rounds accurately as they rid themselves of the aerial pests, primarily using the strength of his legs to steer while he fought.

The salty air was beginning to fill their senses as they raced onward toward the sparkling horizon. The red cliffs were just as Hope described. Towering, massive crimson slabs jutted skyward, their bases frothing with the remnants of waves crashing against them. The beach was a protected cove, a sweeping wide crescent of sandy perfection. Hope grinned as he heard Lightning gasp and she gripped his waist a little tighter at the sight below and before them. He pointed the vehicle downwards towards the beach, small crystalline clouds kicking up in his wake as they neared the surface. They touched down, and as Hope powered down the velocycle, she took in the sight before her.

It was everything he had described and more. The sand and water glittered in the afternoon sun like jewels. The waves that rolled upon the shore weren't nearly as fierce as the ones that slammed into the cliffs beyond, making for inviting surf. They were still bigger than the ones Lightning recalled back in Bodhum, like most things on Pulse seemed to be. It was primeval, and the feeling of being very small and insignificant – something that she had often felt since coming to Pulse – struck her full force. She shivered slightly, causing Hope to turn slightly and cast her a curious look. Catching his eyes, she smiled slightly.

"You were right. Words can't do it justice."

Hope's face broke into an easy grin, pleased at her reaction. Lightning dismounted from behind him, and he quickly followed after her as she walked out across the sand, her booted feet sinking deep. From behind her, she could hear a soft, impish chuckle and the sound of a zipper coming undone. She turned sharply at the sound to see Hope had discarded his jacket and was in the process of removing one of his boots, hopping around on one foot in an effort to balance himself as one, then the other fell to the ground. She looked at him with an arched brow, seriously beginning to question his sanity, when he looked up, and seeing her face, broke out in playful laughter. It was a sound she hadn't heard from his lips in a long time, not since he was a kid.

"C'mon, Claire, the beach is no place for boots!" Hope chuckled as he pulled his shirt up over his head. Lightning's eyes glued themselves of their own volition to his well-toned torso as it became revealed. Feeling the blush that was creeping into her face, she quickly turned away and focused on undoing the buckles of her own boots. She had freed her foot from the first one and was tentatively stepping into the soft sand when the rustle of fabric and the jingle of a buckle caught her attention. Her eyes looked up just in time to see Hope's pants drop onto the sand. In her surprise, Lightning lost her balance and dropped to her knees as Hope kicked himself free from the last of his clothes, and wearing not much more than the hair on his head, dashed off into the waiting surf.

"He's completely lost his mind," she said aloud to herself as she watched, slack-jawed, as he dove into the waves. She removed her other boot and rose, walking carefully in the young man's footsteps to the waterline. The waves lapped at her toes, covering them with a small film of sea foam as she stood and waited a bit apprehensively for Hope's silvery head to reappear above the water. It wasn't nearly as cold as she thought it would be, just a little bit cooler than bathwater, and a perfect compliment for the scorching heat reflected off the sand. When he finally did resurface, Lightning felt herself release an audible sigh of relief. Hope laughed at the sight of her hesitation, shaking the water and hair out of his eyes.

"Come on in, the water's great!" He called out to her.

"You're crazy, you know that, right?"

"Aw, what's the matter?" Hope teased. "Don't tell me you spent your whole life in the beach paradise of Bodhum and you never learned how to swim."

Lightning's glare only made him laugh harder.

"Look, just come in. Who's gonna see you? There's no sign of civilization for miles. You can't tell me those leathers are all that comfortable in this heat, and I don't want to have to carry you in," he grinned wickedly at her.

Lightning sighed and looked around her. On her right was the closest of the barrier cliffs, its crimson majesty already growing dark with shadows. Far off in the distance to her left was the other cliff; it's shape just visible through the sea spray induced mist. Once again, Hope was right; they were the only sign of life to be found anywhere.

Hope's face fell when she turned around and silently walked back up the beach. Fearing he really had said something to offend her, he was about to chase after her when she stopped next to her discarded boots and turned to face him. Lightning's face was unreadable at that distance, but when he saw her hand go to the zipper of her jacket and pull it downward from her throat, he didn't have to guess too hard what she had in mind.

Slowly, teasingly, she undressed herself, and Hope could feel his throat get drier with every article removed. She bent over to slowly peel off her pants, leaving her only in her bra and panties, and when she straightened, she saw him swallow anxiously. Lightning allowed herself a self-satisfied smirk at the sight of his awestruck expression as she reached behind her and deftly unclasped her bra. As it slowly slipped off her shoulders and fell to the pile of clothes at her feet, Hope felt light-headed, and a soft curse slipped from his lips. Her hands went to the waistband of her panties, and in one swift movement, they were also discarded. Before Hope could feast his eyes upon her nakedness, however, she had bolted towards the water at a breathtaking turn of speed and flung herself headfirst into the waves.

He tread water, looking around himself for signs of her swimming body, chuckling nervously. _Okay_, he thought, _it was funny at first, now…_ He didn't get to finish his thought.

Something gripped Hope's ankle and pulled hard, and a small yelp escaped from his lips just before his head slipped under the water's surface. He felt a pair of hands upon his shoulders, and he opened his eyes just in time to see the blurry shape of Lightning's body as she pushed him downward, propelling herself upward. Kicking, he swam after her, his head popping back up with a gasp.

"What was that for?" Hope spluttered.

"I felt like it," came her reply, punctuated with a splash of water to his face.

With a playful growl, he lunged for her, and Lightning splashed him again. Grabbing her was harder than Hope thought, as the sea made her skin slippery, and as soon as his hand closed on her arm, she'd wriggle easily free. They wrestled against each other in the water, with neither really getting the upper hand. Gradually, Hope's size and strength began to wear her down and he strategically herded her back to the shore. Lightning tried to angle away from him, but as soon as his feet touched the sand, giving him proper footing, he caught her in his arms, pulling her bodily against him as she struggled to escape. He let the waves push them to dry land, as it took nearly all the strength in his arms to keep her from getting away. Her legs kicked and thrashed, hitting him in the shins, and he grunted and laughed at her efforts. She threw her weight forward in an effort to off balance him, and it worked, with the pair tumbling onto the wet sand. Hope still gripped her tightly as they fell, and Lightning threw her hands out to brace herself. They rolled, laughing, and when they came to a stop, she found herself on top of him.

Caked in sand, they studied each other in amusement. Then the look in Hope's eyes softened and he pulled her down into a kiss. Lightning readily kissed him back, tasting the salt water upon his lips. Her skin warmed as she became aware of her nude body lying fully against his own nakedness. His hands roamed her flesh, stroking her spine and reaching lower, cupping her backside and pressing it against him. Hope revelled in the small moan he felt her release into his mouth, her hands kneading his shoulders. He raised his hips and rocked them against hers, making his intentions plain, and she shivered at the touch, feeling his hardness gently prodding at her apex. She broke off their kiss and sat back upon him, studying his face, his green eyes hazy and lustful.

"If you want to continue this further," Lightning began slowly in an effort to calm her own desire, "don't you think it would be best to set up camp first? I really don't want to be attempting it in the dark," she added, noting the lengthening shadow her torso cast upon him.

Half, sighing, half groaning, Hope rolled his eyes skyward. "Why do you have to be so practical?"

"Because one of us has to be," replied Lightning, as she stood up. "Admit it, you wouldn't want to have me any other way."

"Oh, I can think of a _lot _of ways I'd like to have you," he said, sitting up and leering at her, "and practical _isn't _one of them."

"Well then," she bent over and kissed him quickly, strands of wet hair brushing his face, "you better get camp set up fast, if you want to try any of those ways out."

~x*x~

That evening, they lay together on their bedrolls, their desire for each other thoroughly sated. Hope stared off blissfully into the flames of their cooking fire, fingertips stroking the bare flesh of Lightning's arm. She was nestled against his chest, breathing him in, the smell of him and the sounds of the waves recalling memories of Bodhum. The flames illuminated their bodies in a flickering, yellow light. A soft sigh escaped her lips, and it attracted his curiosity. She glanced up to see his eyes looking at her questioningly and the corner of her mouth curled in reply.

"The way you smell… It reminds me of Bodhum. You've always smelled like that to me... Kind of ridiculous, huh?" Lightning huffed thoughtfully to herself.

Hope smiled and shook his head. "Not at all," he murmured, secretly pleased. His gaze returned to the flames, lost in thought. He hesitated a moment before voicing what was going through his mind.

"Do you… ever wonder about what life might have been like? You know, if the Purge had never happened, if Serah had never been marked as a l'cie."

Lightning thought for a moment before replying. "No real sense in thinking about it, I suppose. What's done is done. I can understand why you'd think that way, though…going through so much, and as young as you were… Then again, if it weren't us, it would have been another group of people that the Fal-cie manipulated, and who knows? Perhaps none of us would be alive today."

"True, but then I also think that if none of that happened, I would have never met you," Hope squeezed her shoulders gently.

Lightning hmphed. "You would have had a more normal upbringing."

"Ah, normalcy's overrated."

They fell into another comfortable silence. This is what she liked the most about Hope, Lightning decided. There was never the need to fill the silence with empty talk. They just simply enjoyed the presence of each other. She snuggled in closer, breathing him in deeply.

"Claire, did you… No, nevermind, it's none of my business…" Hope's voice was filled with uncertainty, even as he tried in vain to mask it.

"What is it?" Lightning asked, concerned.

Hope sighed, his dark brows furrowed. He could feel his face getting red as he spoke once again. "Well… Back in Bodhum, did you… have a boyfriend?" He desperately wished he didn't sound as insecure as he thought he did.

She snorted in reply. "No."

"Really?"

"I was too busy raising my sister to have a love life. Besides, all the men I knew were fellow Guardian Corps members, and they all thought I was scary."

"I see your point… uh, about being too busy, that is," Hope stammered, trying to talk himself out of the hole he almost fell in.

"So what about you?" Lighting asked. "Any girlfriends?"

Hope shook his head.

"You mean there's no girl in some far-flung settlement or outpost pining for you?"

"Nope."

"Huh, why do I find that hard to believe? You definitely weren't a virgin before we got together," Lightning smirked as she heard Hope sputter somewhere above her head. "So, are you going to tell me about her?" She asked gently.

He sighed loudly. He paused, collecting his thoughts before speaking. "It was when I was stationed at the outpost south of the ruins of Paddra. It was around my eighteenth birthday, and a couple of my buddies thought it'd be nice to 'treat' me to a… well… a… brothel…" Hope's voice drifted down to a mumble, but Lightning's ears were keen enough to catch every last word. She pulled back and looked at him in the dim firelight, brows raised. Hope looked at her and glanced quickly away before continuing.

"It gets… lonely on the frontier… and well, I had mentioned having someone back at the Colony – I didn't mention you by name, ever – I guess they picked up I was missing you… and I was, everyday. They thought I needed to blow off some steam," a chuckle came from his lips, "so they… hired someone for me."

At first, I didn't want to… you know… do… anything… with her. I just asked her if could hold her and pretend that she was the person I was missing. She was okay with that… surprisingly, I thought. Then while we were lying there, she started to ask me about you."

"And did you tell her?" Lighting asked.

Hope nodded. "I didn't tell her who you were, but I told her that you were the whole reason I was in the Expeditionary Corps and that I wanted to become someone worthy of your love. I told her," he paused and looked her in the eye, "that you were the only woman I could see spending the rest of my life with."

Hope continued, "She was so moved by sincerity that she offered to 'teach' me. I…visited her few times after that first night. She taught me…everything I know," Hope finished his tale with a soft chuckle, "and I owe it all to those guys."

"Where are they now? Still on the frontier?"

"They were killed about three months later…ambushed by some cie'th when we were out on a routine patrol," he frowned and looked at the fire once more, the pain of the memory coming back. Lightning hugged him in sympathy, feeling his chest expand and fall as he exhaled loudly in an effort to control his emotions.

"Does it ever get easier, Claire? Loosing people, seeing them die… When does it stop hurting so much?"

There was something about the way Hope asked the question made her know almost instinctively that he wasn't just talking about his fallen comrades, but for every person he had ever lost in his life; his mother, Fang and Vanille, even the unnamed fellow recruit who died trying to protect him. She thought back to when she had lost her own parents. She had come to terms with their deaths long before they actually died. Was it better that way then, to slowly watch someone you love and who was at one time so vibrant and full of life slowly become a shell of what they once were so that you can say your goodbyes? Or was it better to just simply have them taken from you before you're ready? Lightning wasn't sure if she had the right answer.

"I don't think it ever gets easier, Hope," she replied softly after she mulled his question over. Her brow furrowed as she carefully chose her next words. "I think that…the best we can do is to make peace with ourselves. I think they would have wanted that for us. We can't go on tormenting ourselves for choices that weren't ours to make…and the only solution to any pain… is time."

"As a commanding officer though, you've had your share of moments when you knowingly put your men's lives in mortal danger. You made a choice then."

"True," Lightning acknowledged. "I have lost soldiers in combat, and I've never forgotten any of them. I know that there's a chance that someone may not come back on any mission… but… they knew that risk the day they signed up, and they made the choice anyways."

Hope contemplated her words in silence, snuggling close against her warmth. He hadn't meant for their conversation to get as heavy as it did, but he felt a kind of solace in what was shared. They lay in silence for a while, as he lost himself in his thoughts.

"So who was your first?" Hope inquired, in an effort to lighten his mood.

"Hm?" Lightning was nearly asleep when he spoke.

"Who was your _ghost_?" He repeated, using the same euphemism she had used that first time he had been in bed with her.

Lightning came wide awake at that point. She shifted away from him slightly, reluctant to elaborate on such a subject. "Not a pleasant one," she replied coolly.

"Can't you tell me more?"

"No," and she rolled away from him, wrapping her arms around herself.

Hope looked at her back with a hurt expression. "You don't have to shut me out like this," he said softly.

"I'm not shutting you out. What happened is in the past, where I'd like it to stay," Lightning's voice had a tone of finality on it, and he knew she wasn't going to speak further on the matter. He hesitantly moved closer to her, wrapping an arm about her waist. Tenderly, he kissed the back of her neck.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, "if you ever feel like talking about it, I'm here."

Hope felt her sigh and nod in his arms.

~x*x~

Their getaway seemed to come to an end all too soon. They had spent their days and nights in the idyll pursuit of each other, on land, in the sea, wherever they found themselves. They caught fish by the shore and searched for shells in tidal pools, and at night they continued their pursuit of each other, watched only by the stars above.

On their last night, they lay before the fire. Lightning was on her stomach, her head resting on her folded arms, and Hope, reclined beside her, was softly stroking her back. The air tonight was cooler than it had been, and they were clothed and under covers for the first time. Lightning supposed it was sign of the seasons changing. She turned her head to look at Hope, studying his bliss-filled features as he gazed into the flames.

"The autumn will be coming soon, and your birthday as well."

He hummed and blinked in reply. "Yeah, twenty-one, the same age you were when we first met."

"Anything you'd like for your birthday?"

"Hmm… Marry me?" Hope then laughed at the expression on Lightning's face. "I'm kidding. I know the Corps would have a coronary if that happened."

Lightning raised her head up off her arms, lips parted as if she were about to say something. Hope smiled at her concerned face.

"You aren't the only one who's worried about what will happen when they find out," he said gently.

Lightning looked away. "I don't want to loose you," she whispered.

"You won't."

She snorted. "What makes you think that? You think the Corps is going to make an exception and just let us carry on like this? Fraternization is a big deal to them. They find out and you'll be on the next transport back to the frontier, and I'll-"

"Lose everything, I know," Hope finished for her solemnly.

Lightning sighed and rolled to face him, propping her head up in her hand. "I told you it was more complicated than just you and me," she said softly.

"Then I'll quit."

"What?"

"I'll quit," Hope repeated slowly, looking her in the eye. Lightning shook her head, starting to protest, and he stopped her, cupping the side of her face in his hand.

"You are the sole reason I joined the Expeditionary Corps in the first place. I wanted to be someone in your eyes, and I thought that was the only way. If I can't have you in my life, then it's pointless for me to be in the military any longer. You mean more to me than any commission."

Lightning looked down, unsure of what to say, with too many thoughts swirling around in her head. Hope lifted her chin slightly and leaned into kiss her. She sighed when he pulled away, shivering slightly.

"Let's not think about it now," he suggested quietly. "This is our last night here, let's just enjoy ourselves. You and me," and then he covered her body with his and Lightning's thoughts evaporated into the night air.

~x*x~

On their return home, they stopped for the night at an outpost situated less than a day's journey from the Colony. They found a place to stay that had a room available and went in search of a place to eat. Lightning knew life in some outposts could be a little rough, but this one seemed to be exceptionally so. The citizens barely behaved better than the beasts that lurked beyond the protective barriers. Her natural cool disguised her inner repulsion well. Hope seemed unfazed by what he saw, it seemed to her as if he was in his element.

"This isn't the roughest settlement I've been in, but it's close," he muttered in her ear as they entered the only eating establishment that they could find. In the dim, smoky interior it was hard to see if there were any tables free, but they did spy an empty stool by the bar. Hope nodded in its direction.

"Have a seat over there. I'll look around for a table for us."

Lightning nodded and made her way over to the bar, seating herself on the stool. The bartender nodded to her and she returned the gesture.

"A beer, please."

"Sure thing."

In moments, a frothy-topped pint was sitting in front of her. Lightning sat, quietly sipping her beer, aware that her presence was not going unnoticed by the other patrons. Without looking, she could feel them leering at her, her ears picking up the odd lewd comment and the subsequent sniggering that accompanied it. She pretended to not notice them, until one of their number started to invade her space. Her peripheral vision picked him up, staring at her like she was some sort of prey. He was portly and unshaven, his dirty blond hair unkempt, and his breath reeked of stale booze. Still pretending to not notice him, she drank her beer calmly, her free hand at the ready to snap the man's neck if she had to. He leaned against the bar, gawking at her.

"Well, hello there, and what's a fine looking thing like you doin' here, hm? Come to give us a good time?" The man's cronies snickered behind him. "Whatsa matter?" He asked when Lightning didn't even so much as flinch. "Not one for talkin' until you get paid, that it?" He reached out a pudgy hand in an attempt to touch her hair, and she turned. Her blue eyes held a cold, deathly stare, and it halted his hand in midair.

"Touch me," Lightning growled, "and I'll turn your head into a dimple."

The man gulped and shrank into himself. His buddies were attempting to rally around him when the tall, silver haired form of Hope materialized beside her. His expression was one of restrained malice as he glowered down at the other patrons.

"Anything the matter?" He asked Lightning, his eyes never once leaving the other men. His voice had a steel edge to it.

"Nothing I couldn't handle," she replied. "These men were just leaving. Weren't you?" Lightning's eyebrow twitched, and the group jumped involuntarily.

"I found us a table. Let's go," Hope placed a hand on her waist, helping her off the barstool. He cast a brief, menacing glare over her head back at the other men as they walked away.

The meal they had wasn't as bad as they feared, and the other patrons left them alone. When they finished, Hope pulled out some gil and placed it upon the table as he stood. Lightning looked up at him questioningly.

"Places like this, you don't want to stay in for too long after dark," he explained. "Not if you want to leave in one piece and with your wallet."

"Like another Hanging Edge," she commented, which he nodded in agreement. She got up and together they walked to the exit, looking only straight ahead. They had been so narrow in their focus that the voice that called out as Hope was about to open the door nearly startled them.

"Captain Farron and Sergeant Estheim, I never would have imagined I'd be running into you here," the unmistakable nasal tones of Lieutenant Frank Beclem reached their ears. Lightning's blood turned to ice in her veins as she turned to face him. She kept her face emotionless, and noted Hope had done the same.

"Lieutenant Beclem," she addressed him formally, "I could say the same about you. Did Colonel Treno transfer you?"

Beclem's face pinched into a scowl, much to her pleasure. "Actually, I've been sent here by the colonel on official business. Something I can see you two are not here on…" His voice drifted off as he appraised them, a sneer slowly curling his thin lips.

Hope's jaw tensed slightly at the man's words, but Lightning stayed calm. She regarded Beclem quietly.

"Captain…" Hope began, his voice low. He was torn between the urge to wring the lieutenant's neck, and grabbing Lightning and getting on his velocycle, not stopping until they arrived at the Colony.

Lightning nodded coolly, silencing him. "It's alright, sergeant," she then refocused on Beclem. "I've been told this isn't the safest of places to be after dark. I hope you don't plan on staying too long," she got another perverse thrill watching the dark haired man pale. "Goodnight, lieutenant." She exited the door Hope held open for her.

"Goodnight, captain, sergeant," Beclem muttered as the evening enveloped their departing forms, his eyes narrowed in thought.


	15. Enjoy The Silence

_**And we're back! My household has returned to its usual self, and I can once again write. This chapter has gone through so many rewrites it's not funny. That was my mistake for starting it, and then leaving it alone for days on end. Also, I've been branching out and assisting fellow writers, which I'm more than happy to do. I don't have myself listed as a beta because I know with my schedule I don't have time to do it consistently, but if you need the odd kink to be worked out, I'll be more than happy to help.**_

_**Not much else to say, but please read and review, as usual! You guys have been the best, and I thank you for your patience.  
**_

* * *

**Enjoy The Silence**

It was business as usual for the troops of Lightning's platoon as they reported back for duty. Everyone was glad to see Hope in top form once more, and he in turn, was glad to be back. Their encounter with Beclem on their journey home had left him a little shaken, although he kept his apprehension from Lightning in order not to compound her existing doubts. Being back on base gave him a purpose, something to think about instead of 'what ifs'. Focusing on what was _now_ saved him from worrying needlessly over it. Which, as he listened to Rassler's tales of drunken debauchery while on leave and Luzzu's announcement that he and his wife are expecting their second child, was exactly what the young man was doing.

"So Estheim, you got your cast off the day before we all went off on leave, ya? You must've had a chance to go out and enjoy it," Rassler was addressing him.

Hope nodded, and thought to himself with a smirk, _technically, I was enjoying myself _before_ leave._

"Well, what did you do?"

He coughed, realizing the other two men were waiting for an answer. "I uh, went out camping. Out in the Eastern Wilds, not far from the ocean. I was stationed out there a while back and I quite liked it."

"So… You went… all by yourself?"

"Yeah…" Hope kept his countenance carefully blank in an effort to conceal his lie. Rassler, he knew, would be oblivious to such things, but Luzzu… Out of the corner of his green eyes, he caught the redheaded man giving him a slight, knowing squint.

Rassler laughed at him and shook his head, staring down at the weapon he had been reassembling in his giant hands. Hope panicked for a second, thinking he was found out, until the man lifted his chin and spoke.

"Damn, that has gotta be one of the lamest ways to spend leave!"

"What, because I prefer peace and quiet over booze-driven orgies?"

Rassler pursed his lips together and nodded his dark haired head in thought. "Yes," he answered, looking the younger man in the eye.

Hope and Luzzu both howled with laughter, much to their colleague's disgust. "I'm four years older than you, and you're the one acting as old as dad over here, don't you think there's something wrong with that?" Rassler implored. "Tch, you really need to get laid. Luzzu, tell him. It's not like you get a whole helluva lot either."

"Leave me outta this. I have proof I'm getting plenty, thank you very much," the older man replied, wiping tears of mirth from his dark eyes.

"And how do you know I'm not getting any?" Hope added, still laughing.

"Because I know these things," replied Rassler confidently. "In fact, the only other person 'round here who needs to get laid more than you is the Iron Lady herself. Unless…" his voice dropped low as his grey eyes gave Hope a sly, sideways look.

The dark brows of the younger man swept downward in a warning scowl. Luzzu's posture too had stiffened slightly. Silently, he drove home the last piece of his blazefire saber in place and standing, deftly folded it into its gun mode, inches from Rassler's face to holster it into place against his leg.

"I would have thought you knew me well enough to realize I wouldn't be so stupid as to risk my career that way," Hope icily stated, his green eyes boring holes into the large man. "I want these men to be ready and on the firing range in ten," he added. "Understood, sergeants?"

Both Rassler and Luzzu nodded wordlessly.

"I'll be expecting you there," and with that, Hope turned on his heel and exited the barracks. He needed to get to the shooting range. Needed to blow a few holes into things before he felt composed enough to face his subordinates again. He wanted to forget about the accidental meeting with Beclem, not be reminded of it. On his way to the range, he passed Lightning. Hope felt his heart beat a little harder and his breath quicken as they always do when he saw her. _Now was not the time for this,_ he admonished himself, quelling the ever present feelings of love he felt for the woman and saluted her in passing, his face vacant of emotion. She returned his salute, giving him a slight nod as she walked on. Hope swallowed hard as she watched her departing form.

He had told Lightning he would quit if the Corps found fault with their relationship, but having the possibility of having to do that much sooner than anticipated left him feeling unsure about his future. He thought too, about the box his father had given him. He had jokingly brought up the subject of marriage their last night on the beach, but now, given the potential circumstances, Hope wasn't so sure if he wanted it to be _just_ a joke. In spite of the relative safety and comfort of the Colony, Gran Pulse as a whole was still a very savage, untamed land. He knew all too well the life of a solider on the frontier, of the uncertainty of seeing the next day, and that urgency, that thought of them being torn apart due to being at the wrong place at the wrong time, gnawed at him. Hope wanted her to be by his side for always, Expeditionary Corps be damned.

Lightning, on her part, never brought up the encounter with Beclem either. She was biding her time, knowing that the man would do something with what he witnessed. What exactly that would be, she wasn't certain, but she had no doubt it would mean the beginning of the end for her. She knew the man held her responsible for what happened to his older brother. This had been the biggest unspoken dispute between her and the younger Beclem when he served under her. The tension had mounted to such an extent that when she got her promotion to captain and left Colonel Treno's command to be stationed back at the Colony, it was sort of a relief. She didn't have to be reminded of what happened five years ago on a daily basis anymore.

That Hope was concerned was something that was very plain to her, in spite of his best efforts to hide it now that they were back. Lightning recalled that as soon as they had gone out of sight of the tavern that night, he had grabbed her hand and nearly ran with her to the inn. Once they had reached the relative safety of their room, his arms enveloped her, and kissed her in a starving, needy way. A part of her own dread resonated with his and she had answered his kiss in kind. It was when Lightning found herself pinned against the wall did she start to truly feel something wasn't quite right. She had pushed him away, gently, then firmly, holding him at arm's length to study his face behind his silver locks, her pale blue eyes piercing through his defenses. Uncharacteristically, the young man refused to meet her gaze, and silently focused of the zipper of her coat, which he reached out and pulled downward. He pushed the garment off her shoulders, his hands returning to the rest of her clothing, nimbly unfastening the various buttons and buckles that held it in place. He had never undressed her like this before, in this silent manner, and in an effort to quell the wariness creeping up inside her, she reached out and began to undress Hope in kind. He took this as a cue, and once more he crushed his lips against hers.

They had made it to the bed, somehow, just as the last bit of clothing fell away from their bodies. Then Hope proceeded to make love to her in a manner that made Lightning feel as if he were a different person. He forewent all the caressing, devotional foreplay she had come to recognize as his style, and simply entered her body. From her viewpoint, it appeared like he was desperately trying to loose himself within her. Once he had found his rhythm, he locked eyes with her for the first time since starting this strange, wordless tableau. Not once did his gaze falter from hers, and in his green orbs she could see all the despair, the horrors he had witnessed, the loneliness he had experienced, the fear of loosing her again – it was all there. It was as if he was showing every last scar that had been placed upon his soul, showing her of what he had gone through to arrive at this moment. It was as if he was asking for her acceptance.

As his climax neared, Hope had grabbed her ankles, placing them against his shoulder, and leaning over her, began to thrust faster, harder within her. Lightning gasped, cursing aloud at the change of position and pace, the only sound to come out of either of them since they began. He pounded mindlessly inside her, his haunted eyes never leaving hers once. Had he not stared at her so, she had no doubt her mind would've recalled a similar, less pleasant memory, and the moment would have ended in a much darker manner. The subsequent climax he gave her brought tears to her eyes, a mix of pain and pleasure, her body quaking as she came, hands tearing at the bedsheets. His own orgasm caused a tortured cry from his lips, his eyes finally squeezing shut as his face twisted into a grimace. His hold on her ankles relaxed and they fell back upon the bed as he collapsed against her, his breathing coming in erratic sobs. Lightning had held him in her arms, a perturbed frown on her face as his breathing slowly became regular and his body relaxed into slumber. She remembered kissing Hope's temple before she too fell asleep.

In the days that followed, when they had returned to active duty, his behavior was reminiscent of how he acted after the night he had made his advances known to her and she had struck him. He was almost too polite, too formal, and although this would change in the evenings, when they were off duty in the relative safe haven of Lighting's apartment, as soon as his uniform was on in the mornings, he was once again Sergeant Hope Estheim. She in turn became aware of herself putting distance between them, her instinct to protect him from the catastrophe she knew was to come kicking in. _It was best this way, _she decided, not wanting to cause him any more pain than need be. He was still young, and though he had loved her for all those years, he would eventually find someone else. It pained her to think of such things, of Hope falling in love with someone else. Yet it helped prepare her heart for the inevitable, just like it had when her parents died. Once Beclem lets it be known that she and Hope are having a relationship that was more than just a working one, they would, in all likelihood, never see each other again. Just the mere thought of that was more pain than she could bear.

~x*x~

Three nights later, they lay in her bed, both staring up at the ceiling, not saying a word. The air about them was filled with anticipatory trepidation, like it had been since they returned home. It was Hope who broke the sameness, rolling onto his side and reaching out for her, pulling her body close to his. He nuzzled her pink tresses, recalling as he breathed her in, how Lightning had described to him that his scent reminded her of Bodhum. He had always thought her scent reminded him of her name, of the way the it smelled after a thunderstorm, all crisp and clear, with a faint tang of the electricity that had once filled the air.

"Claire, it'll be okay, right? We've been through much worse than this as l'cie. I'm sure we can overcome this, too," he put as much confidence as he could gather into his words. Hope felt her sigh in answer, her chest rising and falling beneath his arm. He held her closer, his features creasing into a troubled frown.

"I won't let them take you from me," he vowed in a low voice.

"So what do you intend to do then?" Lightning asked dryly. "Go and turn the established military law on its head, weapons blazing?"

"Sounds like something you'd do," Hope couldn't help but smile slightly. "And that law is there because they think lovers will show favoritism. We've never done that."

"No, but we might one day."

It was Hope's turn to sigh. Lightning felt his warm breath tickle her ear and she felt a familiar fluttering in the pit of her stomach. He was quiet for a moment before he spoke again.

"Then I'll stick to my original idea. I'll hand in my resignation and quit," his voice was soft, but determined.

"Do you really think the Corps will let you go so easily? And even if they do, have you any plans on what you will do once you leave?" Lightning wanted be as sure as he appeared to be about their future together. She felt another layer of distance come between them, and she shifted uncomfortably in his arms.

"I could always join the Home Guard with Snow… Or, talk with my dad…" He was thinking out loud more than saying anything concrete. They both knew it. Lightning shifted again, but this time, Hope held her tighter in response.

"I know what you're doing, Claire," he murmured against her ear, and she froze. "I don't need your protection. So don't try and push me away, thinking you can save me from a heartache that isn't going to happen… Unless… unless…" Hope's voice faltered, causing her to change her position to better look at him, blue orbs filled with concern. She studied his green eyes, immediately recognizing that same, haunted look he had that night at the inn. Her lips parted in slight alarm, and she reached out to caress the side of his face. He trembled at her touch, closing his eyes and exhaling a long held breath.

"It wasn't my plan to come back to you as damaged goods," he confessed, one hand softly clutching her tank-top clad back while the other reached up to stroke her collarbone. His eyes could no longer hold her stare and instead focused on the pale skin of her neck where it joined her shoulders.

"Hope," the corner of Lightning's mouth curled slightly as she said his name. She leaned in and gently placed a kiss upon his lips. "If anyone is damaged, it's me. You at least know how to love someone properly. I push them away and rationalize that it's for their own good, when really it's me just being selfish."

Hope hesitantly flicked his gaze back upon her face and saw the honesty that was there. His eyes then dropped their focus to the shape of her mouth and he felt himself drawn to it. Lightning felt a small shiver of anticipation as his face and breath drew nearer. He returned her kiss with a lingering one of his own, treasuring the taste and texture of her lips as his fingers traced down her spine.

She responded in kind, parting her lips to deepen the contact, her hand ghosting over his smooth, bare chest. Lightning wanted to break down the walls, to put everything back to the way it was, but tearing those walls down was proving harder than it was to build them. There was some progress though, and as long as he believed they would overcome this obstacle, she would too. She would have to rely on him and his optimism to see this through.

When their kiss broke, they still clung to each other tightly. Lightning, pushing down all her worries, looked upon Hope with all the warmth and love she genuinely felt for him in her heart.

"Lets get some sleep," she said tenderly, and she nestled in close to his chest, slowly lulled to sleep by the reassuring beat of his heart.

~x*x~

The following day saw early autumn rains falling upon Colony, marking an end to the endless, sunny heat that everyone enjoyed. Lightning was holed up in her office, at last seeing the light at the end of the tunnel created by backlogged paperwork. This bolstered her spirits, as did the coffee, which seemed to taste exceptionally good that morning. Hope had just arrived as well, turning in his portion of the delayed work. They were exchanging casual conversation about the platoon and how their training was progressing in the wet weather when a knock was heard upon the office door. They both silenced at the sound, exchanging glances.

"Come in," Lightning's authoritative voice was devoid of any emotion.

Corporal Tay's diminutive form appeared from behind the door. She saluted, but in her brown eyes, both officers saw concern. Her hands trembled slightly as she extended the comm unit she held to her commanding officer.

"I-it's your brother-in-law, ma'am. He… He said it was an emergency and needed to talk to you right away. He tried contacting you on your personal line, but it was off…" the young woman's soft voice drifted off, her small hand that held the comm gestured upwards at Lightning.

Lightning's face tensed as she stood and snatched the comm away from her subordinate.

"Snow?"

"Sis! Oh, thank heavens!" Snow's voice normally jovial voice sounded strained, and she thought she heard him half sob with relief. His tone made her completely ignore the fact that he called her by his detested nickname for her.

"What's wrong? Did something happe-"

"It's Serah," the man choked out. "She went into labor early this morning."

"But she's not due for another three weeks."

"I know… The doctors…they… There've been some complications..."

Hope - who could only hear what Lightning was saying - became quite alarmed at how white her face suddenly became. "Captain…?" He called softly out to her. Lightning wasn't listening. Her hand gripped the comm tighter.

"Where are the twins?" Lightning asked Snow, forcing her voice to sound calm.

"I had Lebreau take them. Please, Light… She's been calling for you. I don't know what I'd do if… Just, please…" Snow's voice choked up.

"I'm on my way." Lightning snapped the comm shut and dropped it on her desk. Without so much as a glance, she addressed Hope as she quickly strode to the door.

"I'm placing you in charge, sergeant," and with that, she exited her office.

Hope and Tay exchanged worried glances. For their captain to act in such a manner, the phone call must've been something quite serious.

"Go back to your desk, corporal," Hope softly bade the young woman. "I'll see to the captain."

"Yes sir, Sergeant Estheim."

Hope exited the office barracks, and pausing under the dripping overhang of the doorway, scanned the area for Lightning. He spotted her running form, heading in the direction of the car park. He dashed off after her, a slight rumble of thunder from the heavens accentuating the start of his sprint. The rain pelted his face, but he ignored it, the need to know what Snow said to her was too great. That it was about Serah, he knew that much from what he heard Lightning say. Dread started to creep into his stomach, churning it. He didn't want to fear the worse, for her sake. His booted feet pounded tirelessly through the puddles as he splashed after her.

"Captain!" Hope called out. He was just a few strides away from her now. Lightning didn't acknowledge him and kept running. "Damnit," he muttered. He ran faster, his longer legs closing the gap between them. He reached out and grabbed her rain-slicked arm, pulling her to a halt.

"What's going on?" Hope demanded, the rain was streaming down his hair and running into his eyes.

Lightning wouldn't meet his gaze. "I have to go," she stated flatly, trying to pull free from his grasp.

Hope would not be denied and held firm. "Claire!" He half shouted, causing her eyes to snap up at him, her fury beginning to grow. "Tell me, what's happened to Serah? You can tell me if something's wrong-"

"I don't know what's happened to Serah!" Lightning spat out at him once she found her voice. She shook her head angrily, rain flying from the tips of her bangs. She took a breath to calm herself, not wanting to take her frustration out on Hope. "Snow didn't say what was wrong," she began again in slightly calmer tones. "Only that there is something wrong… with her, and the baby… I have to go to her, she needs me…" Her voice was starting to break and her gaze faltered, staring down at the puddles at their feet.

Hope's brow knitted together in anguished sympathy. He placed both hands upon her arms gently as the rains continued to fall upon them. "I'll come by the hospital once we're off duty here," he offered.

"That isn't necessary."

"Hey," Hope lifted her chin up with a knuckle, and for the first time while on duty, let the love he felt for her show in his face. "Serah and Snow aren't the only ones who need support right now." He stroked her wet cheek with his thumb. "Give Serah a kiss for me, and I'll see you there tonight, okay? All three of you," and Hope flashed her an encouraging smile.

Lightning sighed and nodded. Hope wanted to kiss her, to do more than just offer her words of support. He leaned in close, droplets of rain falling from his hair onto her face. She saw what he was about to do, and her heartbeat started to thump heavily within her chest. Another peal of thunder reverberated around them, as if in warning, and they paused their movements just before their lips touched.

"I should go now. I'll… see you tonight." Lightning's breath was so close to his face, he could feel its warmth through the rain. Hope nodded mutely and released her from his grasp. He stood, watching her dart through the downpour to her car, praying silently for Serah and her baby. _Of all the times to have this happen, _he thought to himself as the water started to seep beneath the collar of his uniform and roll down his flesh, turning it clammy. He turned and ran back to the barracks as Lightning's car lifted skyward off in the direction of Colony's city center.


	16. Mourning Air

_**First of all, I must say a big congratulations to DragonGirl323 on the birth of her baby! Welcome to the tribe, hun!**_

_**Kinda surprised myself with this one. Didn't think I was going to get it finished so soon, even if parts of it were bits I had cut out of the last chapter. This chapter is brought to you by the letter P, as in Portishead, which I listened to a lot in the writing of this chapter, and where I got the name from. Read, review and enjoy, as usual.**_

* * *

**Mourning Air**

It was her turn now, her turn to feel the sting of shame, to loose everything. It was her turn to know disgrace, for her family to be torn apart. He would make sure of this. Gerun's fall from grace would be at long last avenged. It took nearly five tortuous years for him to find a way to bring Captain Lightning Farron down from her pedestal, and she all but handed it to him.

Lieutenant Frank Beclem had heard of the disturbance she had made at the Northern Highplain Outpost's Medical Unit, and he had immediately set out to reprimand her for harassing the medical personnel. He had just arrived at the room where the doctor she had accosted told him she would be, when its door opened slightly and he heard the words that spelt the beginning of her doom.

"_I love you."_

"_I know."_

He had immediately recognized the voices belonging to Captain Farron and her second-in-command, Sergeant Estheim. Beclem immediately hid in the next room upon hearing those words, waiting until she had left before emerging. His cunning mind had already started to formulate a scheme in those short moments, and he couldn't help but smirk at the captain on that last day as she left Colonel Treno's office. But seeing them together, that night in the Soir settlement on the Eastern Frontier was a gift he hadn't quite expected to get. And now, it was time to spring the trap.

_Soon, brother, I shall punish the whore that ruined your life,_ Beclem thought as he rode the transport back to the Northern Highplain later that week. _You shall have your honor back._

~x*x~

Lightning stormed into the hospital, dripping wet from the rain and looking not at all the dignified captain of the Expeditionary Corps she was. The sterile whitewashed and steel surfaces reflected the fluorescent light back harshly into her eyes, and she blinked back the glare to read the signs pointing her to the maternity ward. She paid no mind to the humanity in the waiting room and she marched down the hall, boots making soft, authoritative thuds on the pristine tiles. She could feel the water from her soaked hair trickle down her neck and under her clothes. The sensation, compounded by the apprehension she felt for her sister lurking beneath the surface, brought a chill to her body, making her shiver.

In her mind, Lighting replayed the short conversation with Snow. He has sounded panicked, frightened, like he had when they discovered her prone form in the vestige of Anima. The very recollection brought the hairs upon her neck to stand on end. She thought she had lost Serah then, and the possibility she might lose her again – this time, for keeps – her mind would not let her go down that path. To do so would send her tumbling down into a paralyzing sense of terror, and she simply could not afford to do that. Not while Serah still needed her.

A gloved hand pushed open the doors to the maternity ward, and she took a steadying breath as she entered, bracing herself for what was to come. Her heavily booted footsteps alerted the nurse behind the reception desk there. A woman of middle age, her dark hair laced with silver and pulled back in a bun, popped her head up behind the half wall and espied Lightning's purposeful but damp form striding past.

"Can I help you?"

Lightning's head swiveled sharply in the direction of the voice. She halted suddenly in her tracks and changed direction, marching up to where the woman sat. She placed her hands on the desk and leaned forward to make her inquiry.

"I'm looking for Serah Villiers. Can you tell me where her room is?"

The nurse turned to the screen on the desk in front of her, tapping at its surface and scanning through the data in search for the name. Lightning braced herself as she saw the troubled micro expression flash over the older woman's soft features, knowing then that she had found her sister and read her status.

"I'm sorry, but Mrs. Villiers is being prepped for an emergency cesarean. Only family members are allowed-"

"I _am_ her family," Lightning cut the woman off through clenched teeth, her blue eyes flashing. "I received a call from her husband saying she was calling for me. I did _not_ drive all the way here from Corps' HQ at barely legal speeds to be told to sit in a waiting room!"

The nurse flushed red and was about to speak when a familiar voice reached their ears.

"Light!"

Snow's gigantic frame, clad head to toe in pristine white scrubs, hastened towards his sister-in-law. His cerulean eyes were red rimmed with unshed tears. Lightning turned and met him halfway. She craned her neck to look up at him, doing her best to put on a strong front for the man, to not let her own fears feed off of his, which were so evident on his face. He breathed a nearly audible sigh of relief, as if he thought that because the elder Farron had arrived, everything would be okay.

"Snow, where's Serah? How is she? Is the baby alright?" Lightning's tone was interrogative, demanding.

"They have her in the operating room now," Snow's voice sounded as pained as he did on the comm, but with less panic. "Her condition's stabilized, and she's conscious… sort of. They said the baby's stats are okay, but they have to deliver now, if either of them stands a chance of surviving."

"What do you mean 'sort of?'"

Snow winced at her words. "S-she had to be sedated…she was in so much pain, Light… I've never seen her like this, even with the twins. And…and then the blood…" The big man looked as though he was about to break down sobbing again.

"Take me to her," Lightning ordered in an attempt to refocus him.

It worked. Blinking back the tears in an effort to control his emotions, the giant man nodded his white-clad head, blond bangs slightly sticking out. "I'll show you where you can get scrubbed up and we'll go to the operating room."

Moments later, Lightning, dressed in similar garb as Snow over her uniform, her pink hair coiled and tucked under a white cap, entered the operating room where Serah lay. A vertical sheet obscured the view of her body from the chest down, where the caesarean would be performed. Upon seeing her sister's pale face, upturned upon the table, her insides twisted sharply and she found it had to breathe. The stoic demeanor of the soldier inside her was cast aside and Lightning unabashedly hurried to Serah. As if sensing her presence, the younger woman listlessly turned her head in the direction of her sister and weakly smiled, reaching out a hand that was instantly grasped.

"You came," Serah's voice sounded faint. "I knew you would…" She sighed, eyelids slowly closing over familiar pale blue orbs.

Lightning squeezed her hand tighter, lips pressed together in a thin line. Her heart felt as if was trying to burst from her chest. She caressed her sister's face with her free hand, noting how sallow her skin felt.

"Of course I'm here," Lightning forced her features into a smile when Serah reopened her eyes. "I wouldn't miss this for the world. You'll be holding your new baby in no time, I'm sure of it."

Snow, who was holding Serah's hand on the other side, glanced over at his sister-in-law. She was never one for glass half full, positiveness for the sake of positivity sentiments; that was his job. Hearing Lightning speak in such way told him she was worried beyond belief. Yet she still had the strength to cheer Serah where he did not. It was a characteristic that the large man always admired and envied in the soldier. Lightning caught him looking at her, and she nodded almost imperceptibly at him. He returned the gesture, and looked back down upon his wife, his scruffy visage breaking into one of his trademark toothy grins.

"Hear that, Serah? If sis says so, then it must be true." Snow leaned down to press a soft kiss against her forehead as she chuckled, a low, soft sound from deep in her chest.

Lightning's brow twitched at the Snow's nickname for her, but she remained silent. Her mind was too busy fighting to stay in control of her emotions. She had to be strong, for all of them. When it was all over and Hope was here, she promised herself, she could let go in the haven of his arms. Mentally, she startled at the thought she just had. Was she really beginning to feel that safe, that emotionally dependent upon him? She had said she loved him – and she really did – but up until now, her actions and words had been mostly reflexive, in the same way one would say 'you're welcome' when thanked. Maybe it was a sign she was beginning to change? Unless of course…

"Mrs. Villiers, we're ready to begin now."

Lightning was snapped out of her personal thoughts at the sound of the doctor's voice. This wasn't the time for her to be pondering her own personal life right now. Serah needed her full attention and support. She looked down at her sister, who had opened her eyes at the sound of her name and nodded her pale face, acknowledging the doctor's words. Her sister felt the faint squeeze from her hand.

The procedure felt like it was taking an eternity to Lightning. The atmosphere was filled with nothing but the odor of sterilizing agents, the soft whining sounds of the monitors, and the quiet, emotionless words of the hospital staff as they worked upon successfully bringing Snow and Serah's child into the world. The surrealism of it all served only to feed Lightning's anxiety. She looked over at Snow, and saw that he too, felt the undercurrent of tension. His normally golden complexion had paled, his normal _joie de vive_ hanging on by the thinnest of threads. Serah remained quiet through it all, as if she were conserving her strength. Occasionally, her husband or one of the nurses would pat her brow, which had started to bead with sweat, and her dry lips with a damp cloth. She would shift slightly, offering faint smiles to her sister and husband. They would return her smiles, forcing the fear away from their features. Lightning felt her pulse rapidly beating in time to one of the monitors, and the hand that held Serah's was starting to feel clammy. She looked down upon her sister's face, and it reminded her of how Hope had looked when they were trapped in the cavern nearly two months ago. A chill swept through her and she bit her lip to quell its trembling.

Then, the most glorious of sounds reached their ears. Lightning had been so focused on controlling her fear that she hadn't noticed the voices of nurses had grown a bit more excited until the lusty din of a baby's cry started to fill the room. She gasped, and something in her chest clenched tightly. Snow too released a short relieved chuckle and stood up to see his new baby girl, his large hand still enveloping his wife's. Lightning, whose breaths were punctuated with sharp exhalations as she fought the tears that came to her eyes at the sight of the bawling, squirming, red hued bundle of life that was lifted above the curtain that obscured Serah's lower half. The nurse that held the baby approached the new again father.

"You can hold her, but only for a moment before we have to clean her up and put her in the incubator," the woman informed Snow, who let go of Serah's hand to eagerly reach his arms out to his tiny daughter, tears streaming freely down his haggard, unshaven face.

"Serah," Lightning called out to her sister, stroking her forehead gently. "She's here. Your daughter is here."

Serah sighed and smiled, her eyelids fluttering open to reveal weary, but happy eyes. "How is she, Claire? What does she look like?" Her voice was thin and weak.

"She's fine, Serah," Lightning could feel the grip on her own emotions start to slip as a tear rolled down her cheek. She squeezed her sister's hand in reassurance. "She… she's beautiful."

Serah smiled and sighed, closing her eyes. Then the faint but steady pressure Lightning had been feeling from her hand started to slacken, making her grip tighter. Her teary eyes widened in alarm, noting her sister's face had grown impossibly whiter.

"Serah? Serah!" Lightning reached out and gently shook her sister's shoulder. Nothing.

"_Serah!"_

The doctors and nurses had also noticed Serah's sharp decline by now. Beyond Lightning's peripheral vision was a flurry of action. Alarms from the monitors sounded, the nurse who had let Snow hold his daughter, quickly escorted him out the door to the NICU with the help of another nurse, as he in turn was trying to look back to see what had happened to his wife. Lightning had glanced up and saw the confusion and terror written on his face as he was being led away, his baby still crying in his arms. Then the wave of organized confusion that was the medical staff taking charge of the situation crashed over her.

"Pulse and blood pressure dropping!"

"We need to get her stabilized before we can finish closing her up."

"We're losing her, doctor."

"Get all of this torn down and get her to the ICU. _Stat!_"

"I'm going to have to ask you to let go of her, ma'am," a voice very close to Lightning said. She blinked, feeling pressure on the wrist of the hand that still held on to Serah's. Everything for her seemed to slow down. The face of the nurse speaking to her blurred, and when her hand was finally pried from her sister's, she stumbled back as if in slow motion. The nurse was speaking, but she couldn't hear or comprehend what the woman was saying. Hospital staff moved about her, pulling the operating curtain away, and Lightning saw the stain of her sister's blood upon it. They wheeled her and the machines out of the room, leaving her standing in a daze, nothing but a buzzing sound and the faint cries of a baby ringing in her ears.

~x*x~

Hope had ridden his velocycle back to the apartment building to change and take the transit to the hospital, not really relishing the idea of riding downtown in the traffic and the rain, all the while getting soaked. He knew the subway had a stop beneath the hospital building.

He sat on the train, lost in his thoughts. The collar of his leather coat was upturned, serving not only to shield his face from the damp, but also to shield him from the other passengers. Not that he really needed to, they were all caught up in their own worlds, looking through messages on their mobiles, staring out the window, grateful that their day's work is done. Through the glimpses of grey daylight before the train went underground, he could see it was getting darker out. Out of the corner of his eye, Hope espied a woman who looked quite pregnant, causing a small frown to crease his lean features.

For the rest of the day at the base, Hope's mind had focused solely on what was possibly happening at the hospital. He could only fathom what Lightning and Snow were feeling, knowing what the loss of Serah would do to them. For Lightning, it would mean losing the only family that she had known for many years. For both, it would be like Serah turning to crystal all over again. His thoughts recalled the death of his own mother, the familiar pang entering his chest. He would give anything to keep them from feeling like he had as he watched his mom die, helpless to stop it. He didn't want to see Serah's children to grow up without their mother. Whatever the outcome, he vowed he would be there for Lightning in the way she had reached out and was there for him when fate had seen fit to throw them together all those years ago. This time, he really could be there for her – for all of them - instead of just saying empty, childish words.

The train lurched along the line, stopping and starting along its route under the city center of Colony. Hope let his body sway along with its movement, reining in his growing impatience. He looked up at the digital map of the line; the glowing dots indicating what stops the train had already visited. His leg twitched involuntarily as he counted the stops it had to go before reaching the hospital. _Three, not that many to go_, he thought, as he became aware of his leg's actions. He stopped its movement, placing a long-fingered hand upon his knee and squeezed it. Each time his body rocked back and forth as the train stopped and started, he found himself counting down to his stop. _Two… One… Here we are._ Hope stood up and made his way to the nearest exit, quickly stepping out as soon as the doors opened.

Hope walked purposefully towards the exit that would take him up to the small lobby where the elevators to the hospital's main floor were located. It was a familiar route to him, having taken it while he was still in a cast, although on this occasion he was able to take the short flight of stairs two at a time. He arrived at the elevators, jabbing the button repeatedly, urgently. The need to know what was going on overwhelmed his patience, and he stared at the light above elevator doors, as if he thought by staring at it, it would move faster. The bell sounded, and the door to his right opened. He quickly stepped inside, pressing the button for the main lobby in the same manner as he had the first. He leaned back and watched the floors pass by, aware that his heartbeat had quickened.

Once more, the bell sounded, and the doors slid open, assaulting Hope's senses with the din of the main floor as he stepped out. He looked from side to side, getting his bearings and looking for the signs that would point him in the direction of the maternity ward. Upon finding them, he pointed himself in that direction and started off at a brisk pace.

He had just passed through the doors that cordoned off the maternity ward from the main body of the hospital, when a door just pass the reception desk banged opened suddenly. With trained reflexes, the young man swiftly stepped aside; flattening his body against the wall as the mob of medical staff furiously wheeled the stretcher out past him to the nearby emergency lift. Hope briefly glanced at the woman on the gurney, and his face drained of all color when he saw the familiar face. _Serah._ His heartbeat pounded double time in dread as his eyes looked back to the room from which they exited. Lightning must still be in there, he surmised, surprised he hadn't seen her following on the heels of the staff that had been working so feverishly on Serah. He quickly walked to the door of that room, ignoring the voice of the reception nurse that called out to him. Pushing the door open with one hand, he instantly saw Lightning standing in a now empty room.

"Claire?" Hope called out to her. She didn't respond. His fear grew and he stepped towards her, cautious as not to startle her. He became aware that the reception nurse had followed him.

"Really, sir, please, I must ask-"

Hope shot her a look with his green eyes that silenced her instantly. "I'll deal with Captain Farron, if you don't mind," his voice was as low, and cool as his stare. "I'm sure the hospital has need of this room, and I doubt you have the staff that could get her out of here without her turning it inside out first." As added proof to get his point across, he showed the older woman his military ID. The nurse nodded her dark head nervously and she returned to the safety of her desk, leaving Hope alone with Lightning.

"Claire," he called out to her once more. "It's me, Hope."

This time, Lightning finally turned towards him, blinking and dumbfounded, as if she didn't recognize him. A sharp gasp escaped his lips as her face came visible. He had never seen her so lost, so fully stripped of her defenses. She looked like a shell of herself, and it pained him to see her this way. He stepped in closer, until he was close enough to reach out and touch her.

Her body flinched when his hand touched her shoulder, and for Lightning, time suddenly leapt forward to the present. A quick, short intake of breath, and she was thrust back to her senses. Her eyes flew open wide and her head snapped back to look up at Hope's face, seeing his worry there. Then she began to tremble as the shock fully wore off, her breathing turned to panting, and reached out, desperately clinging to Hope's arms. Wordlessly, he pulled her in close, all too familiar with what she was experiencing. A lump formed in his throat as he heard her murmur into his shoulder, resting his cheek against her white-covered head.

"Serah… she…she didn't even… get to see… her daughter… her daughter…" The words struggled out of Lightning's lips.

Hope shushed her in a soothing way, stroking her back as he held her tighter. "She will. She will, I know it. Let's get you out of these things and let's go home," he coaxed, adding, "The doctors here will do their best for her and Snow. Believe in them. Serah will be fine. She's stronger than you realize."

Lightning let herself be gently pulled along by Hope, feeling a different type of love for him grow inside her that she never felt before. He came for her; when she needed him the most, he didn't let her down. She pressed closer to him, and he, upon feeling her movement, relaxed his concerned expression into a slight smile as he led her out of the room, the doors swishing softly shut behind them in their wake.


	17. Hope is Your Survival

**_No, I have not given up on this story. This has been a very busy month for me on a personal level, it's hot, and I'd much rather be at the beach - which is ten minutes away from my home - than sweating in front of a computer. Still, better late than never, right?_**

**_I apologize in advance for the rather gratuitous chapter title I ripped from a lyric to a song by Clannad. Actually, no I don't, I thought it was cute (a rare thing for me), and so I had to use it._**

**_And now, enjoy._**

* * *

**Hope is Your Survival**

"No!" Lightning gasped, sitting bolt upright in bed.

Hope, lying beside her, came immediately awake. Instinctively, his arms reached for her in the dark and wrapped around her body as he too sat up to soothe the nightmare away. He held her body close, feeling her breathing slowly return to a normal pace.

"It's alright," he soothed in her ear. "It was just another bad dream, that's all. Come on, lie back down… that's it… Let's go back to sleep, okay?"

"Hope…"

"Shh, I know. I'm right here, and I'm not going to leave you. I promise."

Lightning released a shuddering sigh against his bare chest as she nestled in once more. Hope kissed her softly, his dark brows creasing in worry. It had been the second time that night that she had awoke from a nightmare. Hope had figured her sleep would be fitful, and spent most of the night himself in a sleep-state he used back when he was on the frontier while on patrol. He made sure he would wake at any sudden alarm from Lightning, immediately comforting her back to sleep. As he tried to fall back asleep himself, Hope's thoughts wandered back to the events at the hospital.

They had met Snow as he came from the ICU and they on their way to get Lighting changed from her scrubs. The big man was visibly shaken, both by what happened to his wife, and the state of his sister-in-law. Lightning was a pillar of strength in his mind, and he had gasped like Hope did at the shadow of her usual self she appeared as before him. Hope reflexively held her a little tighter, murmuring in her ear that she should go and get changed. The woman nodded listlessly and released her grasp on him, walking mechanically to the changing area. Neither man spoke until she left.

"I wondered why Light hadn't gone with Serah up to the ICU. Damn… She looks a mess…" Snow scrubbed a big hand over his face. Everything about his posture told Hope he was completely drained.

"Snow, what happened?" Hope asked, his expression pained and alarmed at the larger man's haggard visage.

Snow told him about Serah, what had happened to her at home, how they came to the hospital, everything that led up to his call to Lightning and her subsequent arrival.

"Everything seemed to be going well. They performed the operation, the baby was born fine… And… and then," Snow's voice started to crack a bit. "She just… started to slip away from us. I-I didn't see what was happening, the nurses had taken the baby and me to Neonatal. But Light, she… she must've saw everything…" His voice failed him all together and he looked away in anguish.

"How is Serah now?" Hope asked gently, refusing to fear the worst.

"She was still in critical condition when I left. One of the nurses asked where Light was, and once I realized she didn't come to the ICU, I came back down here looking for her. Now that I know sis is in good hands, I probably should go back up there," Snow was doing his best to look confident and in control once more. It didn't fool Hope.

"Snow, you should probably get back home," he suggested. "The doctors will take good care of Serah, I'm sure of it."

The big man started to protest when Hope clapped him on the shoulder. "I think Serah would like to know that her hero is taking care of his children when she can't." His voice was soft, but firm.

Snow scoffed a bit at the use of his old self-proclaimed status, but the look in the green eyes of the younger man encouraged him. He straightened himself, a small grateful smile upon his face. "You're right, thanks Hope." He returned the clap on the shoulder and made to walk past, and Hope turned to watch him go. Snow had walked half dozen paces or so when he paused and turned back, a thoughtful look in his blue eyes.

"You know, Serah's really happy that Light has you in her life again. She… well, she changed a bit while you were gone. Never said anything to us about it of course, but you know how Light can be sometimes. Serah always thought it was because she missed you more than she let on. Take good care of her, will ya?"

Hope nodded with a slight smile. "You have my word," he answered, solemnly.

Snow flashed him a lopsided grin and gave him a thumbs up. Then the large man turned and continued to walk down the hall to the exit. He had just passed through the doors when Lightning appeared beside Hope. He turned and looked down at her, a smile trying to mask his worry. Her eyes held the look of someone who had just recently been crying uncontrollably. He had wondered why it had taken her so long to change, and the reason was all over her face to see. Hope placed a protective, comforting arm about her shoulders, his heart aching to see her so completely devastated.

"I told Snow to go home and be with his children. We should do the same."

Lightning looked up at him with expectant eyes. "Did he say if he knew how Serah was doing?"

"He said they managed to stabilize her…" Hope's voice drifted off, unsure how much more to tell her. He shouldn't have hesitated.

"…But she's still not out of the woods," Lightning finished for him, reading through his hesitation easily, despite her current state. Hope sighed and nodded in reply. Her posture slumped slightly under his arm, and he held her closer in response.

"Let's go home," he murmured gently.

They left the hospital together, Lightning still sheltered within the curve of Hope's arm. When they arrived at Lightning's car, she unlocked it with her palm print and made to enter when he stopped her.

"Why don't you let me drive?" Hope offered gently.

Lightning looked at him and paused for a moment. Then she nodded numbly, not really wanting to get into a debate with him that she was fine and could handle driving back to the apartment building. Because if she did, she knew none of it would be true.

Hope got in the driver's seat while Lightning walked round and got in the passenger's. Once everything was set, he carefully guided the vehicle out of the hospital's parking garage and onto the city's elevated streets. The rain had for the most part stopped, only misting in a few scattered places. Night was beginning to fall, and ever so gradually the streetlights started to flicker on, bathing everything in a pale yellow glow. Hope found he was once again reminded at how much the Colony had grown since that fateful day of Cocoon's fall. They drove on in silence. Then without warning, he felt Lightning's head on his shoulder, a forlorn sigh escaping her lips. A sad smile tugged at the corners of his mouth at feel of the weight on his shoulder.

It wasn't until they had made it to her apartment that Lightning's dazed, robotic demeanor started to wear off once more and by the time the door closed behind them, she had started to shake. When the sound of her first sob reached his ears, Hope quickly enveloped her in his arms, feeling her body quake with each cry. Her fists were balled, hitting him in the back as she let loose all her sorrow and rage. He grunted slightly at the onslaught, but stoically stiffened his back, letting her exorcise her feelings on his flesh. He murmured soft, nonsensical sounds against her hair, stroking it with a free hand while the other held her firmly against his chest. Her screams and growls of fury were muffled against the leather of his jacket, shoulders heaving with the sheer effort of breathing. She wailed in her grief, struck out in her sadness and helplessness, and through it all he held her, willing the love he felt in his heart for her outward in an effort to heal her pain.

When the worst of it was over, Hope gently herded her to the bathroom, gently pushing her down to sit upon the toilet as he knelt before her and removed her boots. Once that was accomplished, he turned, removed his uniform's jacket, and started the shower. Then, pulling Lightning to her feet, he began to undress her. She watched his movements through puffy red eyes, still streaming tears and sniffling. He was being so gentle, so loving, and right now, she just didn't feel worthy of any of it.

"Why are you doing all this?"

Hope looked up sharply at the sound of her raspy, teary voice. His face was lined with concern. The ache in his heart had returned once more.

"Because you need me to," he replied softly, stroking the tears away with his thumb. "I know you can't go through this alone. Isn't this what two people who love each other are supposed to do? Be there for each other?"

Lightning, standing only in her panties, wrapped her arms around herself and started to cry again. He knees began to buckle and Hope quickly caught her and held her once again, feeling the wetness of her tears seep through the knit of his charcoal grey sweater. He placed kisses along her hairline, whispering soothing words to calm her. When she seemed to calm, he held her back a bit, his gaze holding hers as he pulled down her underwear. The steam from the shower was beginning to fill the bathroom, and he gently led her by the hand, guiding her to enter the shower stall before him. Once Hope gently escorted her into the warm streams of water, he turned to close the door. Before he could do so, he felt the strong grip of her wet hand on his wrist.

"Don't leave me," Lightning said, her face partially obscured by her hair. Her weak voice was barely audible above the hiss of the water. "Please."

Another small smile tugged at Hope's mouth, and he covered her hand with his own, patting it gently. "Alright," was his soft reply.

The young man quickly undressed and joined his lover in the shower. When Lightning sensed his presence near her, she leaned against him, her arms instinctively wrapping about his waist as she sighed almost contentedly. Hope was taken almost off guard by her gesture, but he complied with her desire to hold and be held, letting the spray of the shower bounce off their bare skin. She needed him, needed the solace only he could provide. The realization of this shook her, and she shivered, pressing closer against his wet flesh, her expression one of a woman shaken to her core. Hope couldn't see her face, but he could sense something was seriously amiss, and this fed his worry further.

That night, after Lightning had fallen back asleep from her second nightmare, Hope prayed silently for Serah's recovery. Seeing her this way, so lost, just at the possibility of losing her sister increased his resolve to be her strength. He recalled Snow's words, and remembered what she had told him on the airship as they travelled to the Northern Highplain. _I don__'__t think I realized how much__…__ I__'__ve missed you__…_

_I was blind to think that I__'__d be the only one who had changed these past years,_ he thought to himself. Feeling the pull of sleep upon him, he murmured aloud, "I promise I'll never leave your side, Claire. We'll see all of this through together, just like you had done with me, all those years ago."

~x*x~

The morning light illuminated two bodies in bed; so close together were they that they may as well been one. A pink haired head stirred, groggily coming to life. A soft moan formed in the back of Lightning's throat as her consciousness swam to the surface. Then with no warning, the events of yesterday slammed into the forefront of her mind. The force of it made her gasp as if physically hit, her breathing and pulse quickening. Her body trembled as she attempted to will herself back under control. The battle within her seemed to stalemate until Lightning became aware of Hope's sleepy green eyes looking at her. She focused on him, using the strength and serenity in his gaze to fuel her. She calmed her breathing, letting her senses take in their surroundings; the feel of Hope's body against hers, the texture and warmth of his skin, the masculine smell of him, the soft cottony feel of the sheets that cocooned them, the way his hands had clutched her body tighter when he had seen her in the captivity of panic, his eyes reassuring her. She was winning, the fierceness of her gaze softened, and Hope, who had been watching her fight, started to breathe once more.

"Welcome back."

Something in the soothing timbre of his voice made Lightning's heart warm. The new love she first experienced for Hope the day before stirred. On its impulse, she leaned forward and kissed him deeply, surprising him with her tenderness. It wasn't like any of her previous kisses, all passionate and wanton, or fleeting and brief. Her lips searched his with a gentility that she had never used before. When she pulled away, she did it with great hesitation. Her pale blue eyes studied the shape of his mouth as she began to speak.

"I'm sorry… I realize I have been completely unfair to you," Lightning's eyes flicked up to meet his as she finished, searching his face for a response.

Hope smiled, bemused. "What are you talking about? You haven't been unfair to me-"

"I have," she answered softly, cutting him off. Her eyes darted away, as she drew a deep breath for her next words. "You have loved me without reserve since the beginning, haven't you?" The way his gaze softened answered her question. She sighed. "I wish… I wish I could say the same. But I'm beginning to change that, I really am. Yesterday, at the hospital, I was so lost so…" The word _afraid_ hung in the silent space between them. "But you came for me, Hope, you were there, and never have I needed someone so much as I needed you in that moment." Lightning's voice shuddered to a halt, her gaze cast downward.

"You told me once that you needed time, right?" Hope's tender voice reached out like a caress. She looked up to see his green eyes smiling at her. "You made me promise to wait for you, remember? And that's what I've been doing. Waiting for you."

Lightning's lips parted in slight surprise, moved by his simple words. Wordlessly, she nestled against his chest, pressing a soft kiss against the muscle that twitched with his heartbeat. "I love you," she said, putting more emotion into the words than Hope ever heard from her before. "I truly love you. I do."

The smile that played about his lips grew warmer as a fluttering sensation filled his chest at her words of love. Hope pulled her closer, relishing the feel of her body against his. To his credit, he had been aware of a barrier of sorts between them, yet he had always believed that it was just Lightning being Lightning. The things she had yet to say, the truths she kept hidden, he had always felt that she would eventually open up to him, just like she always had, if given enough time. He pressed a kiss against her pink hair and sighed contentedly.

They remained that way for a while, each breathing the other in. Lightning was the one to stir first, gently breaking free from their mutual embrace. She rose from the bed and went to her closet, selecting one of the uniforms that hung there. Hope, who had propped himself up into a sitting position in bed, frowned slightly at her actions.

"You can't possibly be planning on going to the base today," he commented with slight incredulity.

"Why not?" Lightning inquired, looking up at him with an arched brow.

"Wouldn't you rather be with Serah?"

"And do what? Worry myself to death? No," Lightning shook her head, laying the uniform on the bed. "I have to go. I can't just sit at her side and let all the crazy 'what ifs' in my head take over again. I thought I lost her once already, I-" she sighed and looked away, unable to get the words out.

Hope's mouth thinned to a line as he looked at her in empathy. Pulling the covers aside, he got out of bed and approached, caressing her bare arm as he did so. Wordlessly, he nodded, and brushed his lips across hers.

"Okay, I understand, but," he placed his hands upon her shoulders to turn her to face him, "promise me that after we're off duty, we'll go to the hospital to check on her? I want to know how she's doing." Hope's knuckle tilted Lightning's head to look up at him.

Lightning swallowed and closed her eyes. When she reopened them, she looked up into Hope's searching gaze and nodded. "Alright," was all she replied, softly. Hope smiled and left her to the business of getting ready.

~x*x~

They went to the hospital together after returning briefly to change out of their soiled uniforms into street clothes. As they waited for the elevator to take them up to the ICU, Lightning had unabashedly reached for and clasped his hand in an effort to quell the emotions about to overwhelm her. Hope looked down at their joined hands, noting again how strong her grip was, despite its slimness. His gaze then rose to meet her eyes, and he smiled to reassure her, squeezing the slight weight of her palm in his hand. Feeling the weight of his green eyes upon her, she looked up and met his gaze, the corners of her mouth softening. The soft swish and tone of the elevator doors made them reluctantly break their moment, and the pair entered the elevator, where Hope pressed the button with his free hand. When the doors closed in, Lightning exhaled a soft breath, leaning on the man at her side slightly. They rode upward in silence, neither really wanting to voice the thoughts in their head.

Moments later as they emerged from the elevator, a small group of people there in the waiting room caught them by surprise. Nearly all of Snow's old comrades from his NORA days were there. Gadot, his bright red-orange hair literally standing out above the rest, clued Lightning and Hope in as to who was there. The big man had a large, protective hand on Snow's shoulder, looking as if he was trying to encourage his childhood friend. Nearby, Lebreau was sitting in one of the chairs, with each of Serah's twins flanking her as she read them a book. A ways apart from them stood Yuj, his slim, uniformed build leaning back against a wall, his arms folded, his hair, now in a ponytail, hung over his shoulder. Only Maqui was absent, the reason that was explained by the blue-haired young man, who spotted the approaching couple first and greeted them.

"We were wondering when you'd show up. Looks almost like a NORA reunion, doesn't it?" Yuj commented with trademark dryness after exchanging pleasantries. His uniform bore the insignia of the Colony Home Guard. "Maqui's out at Oerba with the Engineering Corps, trying to repair and map out the old Pulse rail system." Lightning had tensed slightly at the mention of Oerba, which had gone unnoticed by both young men.

Snow had seen Lightning and Hope by now and came to stand before them beside Yuj. He looked relieved.

"Glad to see you back to yourself, sis," he commented, and in spite of Lightning's visibly irritated look caused by his nickname for her, she could tell he truly meant his words. The pink-haired woman nodded in reply.

"How is Serah?" Hope asked the question for them both.

"They think she's going to make it," Snow replied, looking as if a huge weight had been lifted from him. "Her condition stabilized overnight, but she hasn't regained consciousness yet, so they're keeping her here."

"How's the baby?"

"Beautiful," the proud father beamed. "Would you like to see her?"

Hope glanced down at Lightning beside him expectantly, who smiled and tilted her head slightly in reply. "Can we?" He asked.

"Why not, he's made all of us see her," Gadot called over from where he had sat his giant frame in a chair next to Lebreau, bouncing Jaq on a broad knee.

Snow grinned and cuffed the silver haired young man on the shoulder. "C'mon, meet the newest addition to the big, happy family."

Hope and Lightning followed the big blond man down to the maternity ward and the nursery where his day-old daughter lay in an incubator, swaddled snugly in a whimsically patterned blanket. Her tiny head was covered in a matching cap, wisps of brilliant pink fuzz peeking out from beneath. Her eyes were closed, and a miniscule fist was curled up against her round cheek. Lightning gasped slightly at the sight of her new niece, bringing her hands up to rest upon the glass as she peered in. Hope looked on, entranced by the expression of awe the woman had on her face. He wondered what it would be like if she were to expect their child, _his_ child, and the notion startled him back to reality. He blinked and shook his head slightly, an action that didn't go unnoticed by Snow.

"You okay there?"

Hope looked sharply up a Snow. Then he looked at Lightning, who was looking at him with mild worry. He coughed and chuckled, feeling his lean face grow warm as his thoughts returned. "Uh, yeah," he laughed, scratching his hair. "I think the sterilizing agents are getting to me, that's all."

"Are you sure you're alright?" Lightning asked him softly.

"Mm-hm," he nodded emphatically. He looked back at the newborn in the incubator, watching her little body move as she breathed. Looking at her made him smile. "She is beautiful, Snow, congratulations," Hope murmured.

Snow grinned even wider. "Just wait 'til you have one of your own," he winked. Both Lightning and Hope turned and looked at the man sharply. "What? Hey, I may not be as sharp as you two, but I'm not _blind_," he laughed.

Lightning shifted uncomfortably. "We should probably go," she said softly to Hope.

"So soon?" Snow's mirth faded.

"Well, we are going to be out on patrol tomorrow. It's getting close to the Behemoth breeding season," Hope conceded. "Don't want those beasts wrecking Colony's outer perimeter defences."

"Now that I know that Serah is okay," Lightning added. "I feel much better now. Thank you, Snow, for letting us see the baby."

"She's not just 'the baby', Light," Snow replied. "Her name's Claire. Serah insisted that would be her name, and far be it for me to deny it." A small smile formed on his face as he spoke to his sister-in-law.

Lightning looked away and nodded. She looked back once more at her namesake, her features softening as she recalled the day her sister asked her permission to name the child Claire. "Let me know when Serah wakes up, okay?"

"Of course."

Snow escorted the couple to the elevators. When the doors opened, he shook Hope's hand. "Take care of yourselves out there tomorrow, okay?"

"No worries," grinned Hope. "We're the best the Corps has," and with that, he and Lightning took their leave.

~x*x~

Morning dawned with a certain crispness to the air that truly marked the end to summer. Lightning's platoon was already geared up and ready to head to the sector that had been assigned to them. Their commander was in her office, going over last minute details. The scabbard of her gun-blade lay against the back of her thighs as she stood leaning over desk. She had been so engrossed in her work that when the door to her office opened, she looked up in sudden surprise. The surprise quickly faded when she saw Lt. Colonel Amodar and Lieutenant Jyscal enter. Behind them were two MPs. Lightning could feel the trepidation begin to grow within her. She saluted, keeping her exterior calm as Amodar began to speak.

"At ease, Captain Farron," his voice sounded strained.

"Is there something the matter, sir?" Lightning's inner voice screamed at her for asking such a facetious question.

Amodar sighed, lines forming across his broad features. "I received a formal charge late yesterday stating that you had… inappropriate relations with one of your subordinates while your platoon was on expedition out at the Northern Highplain Outpost."

Lightning's lips parted slightly, eyes widening. Amodar misinterpreted her expression. "I know, I've my suspicions about its authenticity myself. However, the Corps views allegations such as this in a very serious manner, no matter how ludicrous they may seem. And as a result, I have to do something that I really don't want to do." His dark eyes grew stern, and Lightning steeled herself for what was to come next.

"Captain Farron, you are hereby charged with allegedly having an inappropriate relationship with an inferior, and exhibiting conduct unbecoming to a commissioned officer. You are to be relieved of duty until further notice, when there will be a formal trial where you can plead your case. Please," Lt. Colonel Amodar turned to address the MPs. "Escort Captain Farron off the base."

The blood rushing to Lightning's head drowned out all sound. One MP asked her to remove her weapon, which she did in a robotic manner. Then with either MP flanking her, she walked dazedly out of the barracks.


	18. Après Moi, Le Deluge

_**There's a virus among us, and it's name is Laziness. I got it, and I'm sure you do too. This was a rather stubborn chapter to be written, but it chose to tangle with me, and I'm much, much more stubborn. Just ask my two-year-old. Moral of the story? Finish what you start.  
**_

_**The poem in this chapter is credited to Charles Baudelaire (1821 - 1867) from his collection, **_**Fluers du Mal**_**, entitled "Confession". Check it out if you're into dark poetry. **_

_**Another final note: After ten years, my laptop, affectionately known on my home network as "BASTARD" (there's a story behind the name, oh yes), is on it's last legs of life. It's been asked in its life to go above and beyond what it was originally designed to do, and now is showing the results of this. I may be getting a replacement, but that won't be for a while. So if there's an even longer than normal gap between chapters, you'll know why.**_

_**You know what to do...**_

* * *

**Après Moi, Le Deluge**

The steady ascent of the sun chased away the grey hues, saturating the main base of the Expeditionary Corps once more with color. Hope was waiting out in the yard with the rest of the platoon. Both Rassler and Luzzu had reported to him already, confirming that everyone in their respective squads was accounted for. The three sergeants stood together, and in spite of their collectively groggy state, were, as usual, verbally sparring.

"Damn, what I wouldn't give for a cup of coffee right now," muttered Rassler, scratching at the thin beard along his jawline. Sleep lines were still visible around his grey eyes, and his long, dark hair looked wilder than normal.

"Junkie," Luzzu snorted.

"Oi, watch who you're callin' a junkie, short stuff," Rassler looked down his hawk-like nose at the ginger haired man. "Hmph, you think I'm a junkie for liking coffee, may as well call the captain one, too. Although, you do that, and lover-boy here will cut you in two." A gloved thumb jerked in Hope's direction.

"You know, that joke wasn't funny the first time you used it, and it isn't funny now," Hope glowered up at Rassler through silver bangs.

"It's only funny 'cause you fall for it every time," was the taller man's smug reply.

"Speaking of the captain," interjected Luzzu, "shouldn't she be here by now?"

"She just had to go over a few final details before we headed out. I'm sure she'll be out shortly," explained Hope, although he was beginning to wonder.

The three men were slowly drifting back into silence when Hope heard what he thought was a familiar pair of footsteps approaching. He turned and was about to salute when the sight that greeted his eyes halted him cold. Lightning wasn't approaching so much as she was being marched past the whole platoon by a pair of MPs. Hope gasped aloud without even realizing it, his eyes catching ablaze with a questioning fury. Lightning had heard his utterance, and darting her eyes his way, shook her head slightly, lips curled downward in a slight frown. She wasn't the only one who had heard Hope's intake of breath.

"The hell they doing with the captain?" Rassler's voice snarled low just behind Hope's right ear. He felt the taller man start to move forward, and he immediately stuck out his arm, hand pushing on Rassler's chest to keep him in place. To his left, he could sense Luzzu's stocky frame tense at the sight as well, the shock plain to see in his dark eyes.

"Easy, Rassler," Hope muttered through clenched teeth. "Whatever it is, rushing over there and causing a scene will just make it worse." Though he had to admit, if not for Lightning's frown, he would have done the very same thing. Behind him, he could hear the consternation ripple through the ranks. The air was growing tense, and Hope, knowing that every single soldier in the platoon was loyal to Lightning to a fault, was mentally scrambling for a way to diffuse the situation. His mind was still racing when Lieutenant Colonel Amodar and Lieutenant Jyscal approached. Blinking, he made quick work of erasing any and all emotion from his face, and saluted.

"Sergeant Estheim," Amodar addressed the silver haired young man before him, returning his salute. "I am placing you in charge of the platoon until further notice."

"Understood, sir." Hope had wanted to ask about Lightning, but the set of the Lt. Colonel's jaw immediately dissuaded him. He watched, dazed, as Amodar stalked off with his attaché in tow. The other two sergeants pressed close, and when they were sure everyone was out of earshot, spoke.

"What the fuck was that all about?" Rassler hissed, his grey eyes full of malice as he stared at the retreating back of the Lt. Colonel.

"What d'you suppose happened for them to do that to Captain Farron?" Luzzu added.

Hope shook his head in answer to both questions. "I have no idea," he said in low, almost growling tones. _But I intend to find out;_ he added silently, his green eyes watching the MPs walk away with Lightning. He already had his suspicions, yet decided it be best to wait and hear it from her personally when he returned home later.

"So what now?"

Hope blinked and turned towards Luzzu's voice unthinkingly. The red-haired man's dark eyes were drilling into his own.

"Sergeant?"

"We… do as we were ordered to do," Hope began slowly. "We head out to the southern Epsilon Sector for patrol of the outer defenses."

Both Luzzu and Rassler looked at him curiously. The young man before them, whom they were now supposed to look upon as their commander, had briefly looked shaken, but now had masked himself in an aloofness that was reminiscent of Captain Farron. A curious expression flashed briefly over Luzzu's features before he nodded in response, the model of respect towards this new authority. Rassler on the other hand, looked a bit more wary. However, he copied the older man's actions, and like him, ordered his men ready to leave.

Hope strode forward, keenly aware of the eyes of the men – now his men – upon him. He kept a firm grip upon the emotions that threatened to tear him apart from the inside, for try as he might, shaking the image of Lightning being walked away in such a disgraceful manner was an impossible endeavor. The other soldiers in the platoon probably had a similar difficulty, he guessed. Instinctively, he knew this had something to do with him, with them. A knot formed inside his stomach as he took point where Lightning would have marched, had she been there. Still, whatever personal thoughts Hope may have had, his responsibility towards the platoon came first. With a deep breath, he raised his arm in a signal to move out, vowing that not even this would tear the woman he loved away from his embrace.

~x*x~

Lightning had arrived back at her apartment feeling quite out of place at being there. The surrealistic nature of it all left her quite out of sorts, but she knew what was to come. Just like she had always known since that very first night Hope had confronted her with his feelings and made her come face to face with her own.

_Hope._ Lightning sighed aloud, her shoulders sagging slightly. By this time, she was in her bedroom, changing out of her uniform in a haphazard, uncharacteristic way. She had donned a pair of pants that were a soft, jersey fabric, and had just pulled a plain white, close-fitting tee over her head when thoughts of the young man made her pause. She should have lied to him that night, and told him she felt nothing romantically towards him, instead of avoiding his query because she had been aware of her pulse accelerating at his nearness. It would have been better to have had nipped his love for her in the bud early, instead of breaking both their hearts with the inevitable.

A slight chill swept over Lightning, and she rubbed her arms. She looked around her for something warmer to wear over her t-shirt and saw a hooded sweatshirt Hope had left draped over a chair in her room. It was black with the insignia of the Expeditionary Corps to the left of the zipper and when Lightning pulled it on, she immediately smelled him. She sighed, half comforted, half aching from the scent of him filling her senses. Her hand pulled the zipper up to her chin and she shuffled out into her kitchen where she put the kettle on for tea.

As she waited for the water to boil, Lightning leaned against the counter, lost in thought. There was no doubt in her mind who was responsible for this. However, solely placing the blame on Beclem would be too convenient. She had known what she was doing, knew the consequences of having a relationship with a subordinate, and she had allowed herself to give in to her affections for Hope anyways. It was just too much at once, she mused. First Serah and now this, and this time, she could not depend upon him to be there, for the sake of both their careers. Only thing was, she wondered, with all that has happened, was she still strong enough to face her past?

She poured herself a cup of tea, carrying it gingerly, reverently as she crossed the space from her kitchen to her sitting room. Taking a sip, she set the vessel down upon her coffee table before picking up the book that lay upon it. Lightning curled up upon the couch, tucking her feet beneath her and opening the book before her. The hours slipped by; she read and drank, and when her cup was empty, she continued to read, her body slowly inching its way down the couch until she was lying on her side. It wasn't too long before she found herself rereading bits, and then it felt as if she wasn't really reading the words at all. A heavy sigh escaped Lightning's lips and she furrowed her brow as she tried to focus on the words on the page before her:

_Poor angel, your shrill note sang out:  
"That nothing here below is certain,  
And that always, however well it puts on its makeup,  
Human selfishness betrays itself;_

_That it is a tough job to be a beautiful woman,  
And that it is the banal work  
Of the foolish and cold dancer who swoons  
With her mechanical smile;_

_That to build upon hearts is a stupid thing;  
That everything sooner or later breaks, love and beauty,  
And then the ragpicker Oblivion throws them into his basket  
And turns them over to Eternity!"_

_I have often evoked in memory that enchanted moon,  
That silence and that languor,  
And that horrible confidence whispered  
In the confessional of the heart._

She never did finish the final verse, as the book slipped from her hand when she fell into a deep and troubled sleep.

~x*x~

It was quite late when Hope arrived back at the apartment building that evening. The patrol had been a rough one, with no less than a dozen men winding up in the infirmary. He couldn't help but blame himself, his lack of experience in leading so many men. Yet Luzzu had reassured him, saying that such numbers – if not worse - are to be expected when on patrol during the Behemoth rut. Having the backing of the longest standing member in the platoon had certainly helped Hope in gaining the other men's confidence in his leadership, even if it was only a temporary position.

The young man winced slightly as his fingertips gingerly probed the stitched wound at his brow. He had received it while attempting to block a nasty swipe from one of the great beasts of the Steppe with his blade. The block had been moderately successful, as it kept him from being cleaved in two, however the force of the blow threw him backwards off his feet, corkscrewing through the air. Hope had landed face first on the ground, stars dancing beneath his eyelids. He was lucky to have only received relatively minor cuts like the one on his head.

He walked down the hallway to Lightning's apartment. Since their journey together, Hope had now only returned to his place for clothes, preferring to share her bed than sleep alone. As he unlocked the door and walked inside, he was aware at how unnaturally quiet it was. He knew she was home; her car was in its usual spot, yet there was no light on, no sign of life anywhere in the apartment. He flipped the lightswitch on in the kitchen.

"Claire?" Hope called out. A startled noise from the sitting room reached his ears. He stepped forward and turned to that room to find Lightning, looking disheveled and wearing his sweatshirt, standing in front of the couch. A book, which he assumed she had been reading, was at her feet. A soft smile creased his features, relieved to see her, and he stepped forward into the darkness towards her. Then he noted the wary look the kitchen light caught in her eye, the way she stepped backwards defensively as he approached. Hope stopped in his movement, tilting his head slightly.

"Claire…?"

"You shouldn't be here," she replied brusquely, turning her face away from him, her pink hair shielding her from his gaze. She circled him, eyeing him guardedly, much like she would a formidable opponent, as she entered the kitchen. It left Hope bewildered.

"What's wrong, Claire?" Hope's voice echoed his confusion. "Is it because of this morning-"

"Of course it's about this morning!" Lightning snapped, her sudden change made Hope flinch. "Did you really think this day would never come?"

Hope stared at her for a moment, jaw slightly agape. So he was right. His dark brows twisted into a frown and he turned away slightly. "Beclem," he growled, his gloved hands creaking softly into fists.

"Huh, you think Beclem is the sole cause of this?" Lightning's voice was low. Her arms wrapped around herself protectively as she leaned against her table. She looked away from Hope once again, her blue eyes sad and thoughtful. "We were on borrowed time from the first day this relationship started," she stated softly. "This was going to happen eventually. At least it's happened now instead of later on when-"

"When what, Claire?" Hope's voice matched hers; his eyes were filling with anguish. "When we love each other so much that the pain of being separated would only hurt more? Sorry," he shook his silver head and uttered a short, mirthless laugh, "I've spent the last six years of my life that way. I'm not about to do it again."

"Hope," Lightning sighed. Her eyes implored him to see reason.

"No," he stated flatly. "You said it yourself not two days ago. You love me as much as I love you now. I am _not_ going to lose you to some stupid protocol. I am _not_ going to lose you because some meddling pencil pusher as some petty vendetta-"

"Hope!" Lightning's voice was strangled, her features pained. All the color had drained from her face and that made Hope wonder.

"There's something bigger going on than just this, isn't there," his utterance was more of a statement than a question. He sighed at her silence, knowing once again, she wasn't ready fully open up to him. He raked his hand through his silver hair, and Lightning spied the bandage his bangs had been hiding.

"You've been wounded," she commented, feeling a familiar tug in her heart.

"I'll be fine."

"But-"

"Claire, why do you do this?" Hope blurted out. He watched as her expression turned dumbstruck. She shook her head, confused. "Why do you throw up this wall between yourself and the people who love you?" Lightning could only stare at him in silence for a reply.

"Do you think I'm going to hurt you? I'm not. So please, Claire, don't push me away like this. I… I couldn't bear it." By this point, Hope felt his voice breaking and he looked down at his feet, willing himself to control the emotions he felt threatening to tear him apart inside.

Lightning's feet whispered across the bare kitchen floor, closing the space between them. She looked upon the man she loved with pain in her pale blue eyes. In her heart, she longed to hold him, but she held back. Her hand hovered above his downturned head, aching to run her fingers through the pale locks. It was a longing she could not deny herself, and she felt, rather than heard the sigh that escaped his lips at her touch.

"I think," she began slowly, her sorrow creeping into her voice, "that you should go now, and stay at your own apartment from now on."

Hope's head snapped up suddenly, his eyes wide in heartbreaking dissent. Lightning pressed her fingertips against his lips preventing him to voice the protest she knew he wanted to say. She forced herself to smile. "It is for your own good. They are probably keeping an eye on this apartment, even now. I don't want to be responsible for ruining your career as well."

"My career means nothing to me if it means I can't have you in my life," Hope rasped. He had taken her hand in his and moved it to his cheek. He closed his eyes, pressing his face against her palm. "I'll go in there tomorrow and resign. I'll-"

"Don't do it, Hope," Lightning cut him off. "It won't change anything with what's going on with me, and the platoon needs you now more than ever. You can't let them down. I won't let you quit on account of me."

He sighed heavily, and then leaned in to kiss her, a searching kiss, which she returned. After a moment, Lightning pulled back, her hand slipping from his grasp. She reached up and unzipped the sweatshirt, removed it, and handed it to Hope.

"Here. There aren't any other clothes of yours in my bedroom, just this." Lightning raised her arm, proffering the sweatshirt.

Hope pushed her arm back to her gently. "Keep it. If worse comes to worse, I would want something of mine to stay with you always."

Lightning brought the sweatshirt up to her face, breathing in their intermingled scents. Hope slowly turned and walked to the door. His hand was on the knob when he turned back and looked at her. She looked so lost standing there, in that setting of half light, half dark. His chest burned.

"Goodnight, Claire. I love you," he called out softly to her.

She looked up at the sound of her name. "I love you," Lightning murmured back.

And then Hope silently slipped through the door, and she was alone once again.

~x*x~

The next few days were difficult ones for Hope, as he struggled to cope with the combined new responsibilities and lack of the woman he loved by his side. When he had left Lightning's apartment to return to his own that night, it had took a long while for him to fall asleep. He had grown accustomed to feeling the warmth of her body next to his, and his arm stretched out across the space where he imagined her to be lying, fingers clutching at the empty bedsheets. The burning sensation he had felt in his chest as Hope had left her apartment wouldn't subside as he lay there in the darkness.

Each night, he would lie there, staring at the box his father gave him as it sat upon his bedside table until his eyes could no longer stay open. Hope had longed to give it to her, to ask to make her his forever, yet he knew Lightning well enough that if he asked now, she would flat out refuse him. _No sense in complicating an already overwhelming situation_, he told himself. Still, the prospect of them being separated as a result of this was a very real one, and it troubled him greatly. If they were married, he would at least have the right to know her whereabouts and where she was stationed. He would drift off to sleep, dreaming of marrying Lightning, to wake up hugging his pillow tightly the next morning.

These images were never far from his mind, and on the last day of the week, Hope found himself entertaining them once more as he worked on files that Lightning would normally be overseeing. They had not been out on patrol today, having too many soldiers in need of medical attention from previous patrols to make it safe. It was nearly the end of the day, and he had dismissed Corporal Tay early. The diminutive junior officer had been quite upset over what had happened to Captain Farron, and Hope felt she had earned the right. She had been a great asset getting him acquainted with what he had to do.

Alone in the office, Hope paused in his work to stand up and pace the room, as if to physically chase the thoughts going around in circles in his head. After a while, he stood in the middle of the office, staring silently at the chair behind the desk. In his mind, he could picture Lightning sitting there, as she had been the first day he had laid eyes on her in nearly six years. His chest filled with an aching sensation as he recalled the day, not hearing the door behind him open until Luzzu spoke.

"Sergeant Estheim?" The older man inquired softly.

Hope turned quickly at the sound of his name, green eyes piercing. "Yes?" He inquired, trying not to sound as distracted as he felt.

"I uh, hope you don't mind, but Rassler and I dismissed the men. Thought you'd like to know," Luzzu replied in kind tones.

"Yeah, sure," Hope shook his head a bit to clear his thoughts. "Thanks. You two may as well and go enjoy your night too," he added, as he was about to turn away.

"Actually, Rassler and I were wondering if you'd like to come out and join us for a few beers? It's been a rough week, I'm sure we all could use one, or in Rassler's case, six." Luzzu's attempt at humor at his fellow sergeant's expense did cause a small smile to crack Hope's atypically stern visage.

"Thanks for the offer, but I think I'm just gonna head home after I finish up here," replied Hope, his profile to Luzzu.

"Finish doing what? Staring at Captain Farron's chair?" Luzzu cocked his crimson head to the side and smiled. "Look, c'mon out with us. You may hear a story or two that may be of interest to you."

The way he said that last sentence, coupled with the peculiar gleam Hope saw in the man's dark eyes made him pause, squinting his green eyes in an effort to discern the deeper meaning of the words. The knowing expression on Luzzu's face confirmed his dawning suspicion.

"Sure," Hope relented in quiet tones. "I'll join you then."

Luzzu nodded, pleased to see the young man caught on. "Good. I'll see you in a bit." The stocky redhead turned end exited, waving as he departed.

~x*x~

The three met up at a bar in town, away from base. It felt odd to Hope, seeing his companions in regular streetclothes was a first for him, but the personalities remained intact. Rassler was every bit the ladies man his stories portrayed him to be, shamelessly flirting with waitresses and female patrons alike. Luzzu would use this against him in subtle jabs as he quietly sat sipping his beer. Hope sat on the other side of Luzzu, looking on in amusement. He wondered when he'd be told the real reason for coming out; it wasn't just to see the two of them carry on needlessly.

"So you guys got me out here. I'm sure it wasn't just to watch you two go back and forth like you always do, only in civs," Hope remarked dryly as he tipped his pint to his lips.

"Now Hope, that hurts my feelings, y'know," replied Rassler in a voice dripping with sarcasm. "And here I was thinking you loved us." The large man batted his grey eyes at Hope, an expression made all the more ridiculous by his normally hawkish features.

Hope snorted. "You keep wishing that, don't you?"

"Shen," Luzzu sighed, putting his glass down. "We're supposed to be giving Hope here the info on the captain, not flirting with everything that has a pulse."

"Then why don't you start talking? You know about it more than I do," Rassler replied, cupping his bearded chin and leaning on the bar, staring down at his smaller colleague.

Hope too looked expectantly at Luzzu, who shifted under the piercing gazes of both men. "Well," he began slowly. "I don't know how much you've heard about what Captain Farron's been charged withbut I was talking with Lieutenant Jyscal-"

"Wait, how do get away with talking to an officer of Jyscal's level?" Rassler demanded.

Luzzu's typically kind face turned into a scowl. "If you must know, he's my brother-in-law, now will you let me continue?" He asked, irritated for being interrupted. Rassler nodded, raising his hands apologetically.

Satisfied, he continued, "He says that allegedly," he paused to glance up at Hope, "she was having an inappropriate relationship with one of her subordinates. The name of the other party wasn't on the charge, and he didn't tell me who made the charge."

Rassler swore under his breath while Hope remained silent. "You know who's behind that, don't you," he grumbled, finishing off his second beer in one mighty gulp, placing the glass down next to its twin. "It's that little worm, Beclem. Should've squished him like a bug when I had the chance…" He curled his large, olive-skinned hand into a fist as he scowled. _Get in line, Shen,_ Hope thought to himself as he drank.

"He's had it out for the captain for years."

"What do you mean, 'he's had it out for her for years?'" Hope arched a dark brow at Luzzu.

The stocky man hesitated. "Go on then, Niall," urged Rassler. "You've been serving under the Iron Lady longer than any of us. May as well tell what you know."

Luzzu sighed and tilted his beer to his lips, taking a long drink. "Thing is, I don't really know all of it myself, but…" he motioned for them to come in closer. He continued when they did, his voice lower than before.

"…I remember when the captain was transferred to Colonel Treno's command. 'Course, at that time, she was still a sergeant, and the colonel a major, so that would make it what, five years ago, maybe just a little less? She had been stationed at the sub-base in the old village of Oerba prior to her transfer. Her commanding officer there was Captain Gerun Beclem."

Hope felt his blood suddenly run cold. "Gerun Beclem?" He repeated.

Luzzu nodded. "Older brother to Frank. From the word going around the Corps, he was a pretty damn good soldier and officer, not at all like his brother. So it was a bit of a shock when we heard he was having…" he hesitated, dark eyes glancing nervously at Hope, "…relations with another highly regarded Corps member, one Lightning Farron."

It was Hope's turn to swear under his breath, crimson creeping into his fair complexion. He scowled into his beer. It wasn't that he hadn't believed Lightning of having another lover before him, but to have it spelled out for him…

Luzzu and Rassler looked up as Hope suddenly got off his barstool, slapping gil down on the counter and turning to leave. It was the larger of the two who stopped him, using his height to bar his departure.

"And where do you think you're going?" Rassler inquired, his voice low.

"I'm going to see where I can find this Gerun Beclem. And maybe, if he's lucky, rip his arms off and beat him to death with 'em," Hope replied darkly.

"You can't."

Hope and Rassler both turned back to where Luzzu still sat, drinking.

"Why not?" Hope's green eyes flashed, boring holes into the back Luzzu's ginger head.

"Because he's already dead." The statement was punctuated with the soft _thunk_ of Luzzu's empty pint on the bar.

Hope blinked, unsure of what to do next. Silently, he returned to his seat. "Go on," he said to Luzzu.

"Captain Beclem was stripped of his rank and reassigned after the Corps found out about him and her… well, you know…" Luzzu turned and faced Hope. "Shortly afterward he was killed in action at Sulyya Springs. Apparently, he drew the ire of the Fal-cie Bismarck and decided to tangle with it. The outcome I'm sure you can guess."

Hope recalled how difficult it was to battle a Fal-cie as a l'cie. He didn't want to imagine trying to something so foolhardy as an ordinary mortal, even though he had seen Lighting attempt it in that moment that became the catalyst to their journey so many years ago.

"There's no doubt in my mind that Frank holds the captain personally responsible for the death of his brother," continued Luzzu, "and knowing her, I'm sure there's a part of her that believes she is, too."

Hope nodded. _Sounds exactly like Claire,_ he thought. He got up again, this time more slowly, and nodded to his companions. "Thanks for the information and the drinks," he said softly. "I got some thinking to do." Before either man could say anything further, he left the bar.

Rassler watched the young man's retreating form, thoughtfully. "Poor kid," he muttered. "He's got it bad for her doesn't he?"

Luzzu grunted in reply. "Probably always has, since the day he first met her." He briefly recalled his first encounter with Lightning.

"Any word on when her trial's gonna be?"

"Next week is what it's scheduled for. A good chunk of the top brass will be in on it, for sure."

"Will Beclem be there?"

"He'll have to be, since he's the one who made the charge."

"Good," Rassler punched a fist into his open palm. "Can't wait to see ol' Franky-boy again."

"Shen, don't do anything stupid. Besides, I gotta feeling Hope will probably beat you to it."

The taller man chuckled. "Probably right," he sat down next to his friend. "Have another round?"

"I thought you'd never ask."

Rassler held two fingers up to the bartender and nodded.

~x*x~

Hope found himself once again outside the door of Lightning's apartment, working up the nerve to knock on her door. He knew it probably wasn't safe, but he had to clear the air between them. He wanted to let her know that he knew about her past now, and that he accepted it for what it was. With a sigh, he raised his fist.

"Who is it?" The muffled inquiry came a moment after he finished knocking.

"It's me, Hope."

Silence stretched out until Hope could no longer bear it. "Can I come in?" He asked hesitantly.

"I told you, you shouldn't be here."

"Claire," Hope sighed once more. "I know what happened, what you haven't wanted to tell me. I… I wanted to talk about it. Please, let me in."

There was another long silence, and Hope almost gave up until Lightning's voice came through the door.

"You've always been able to come in. You have the key, remember?"

Hope bowed his head with a small smile. He hadn't forgotten. He put his hand in his pocket, feeling the keys there. "I… kinda wanted you to want me to come in. I didn't want to intrude…"

He heard a metallic click and he looked up to see Lightning's face peering up at him through a crack in the door. She looked paler than normal, which made him worry. She opened the door wider to allow him entry. She closed it behind him, and in doing so, asked a question he knew was coming.

"So who told you?"

Hope turned and faced her, blushing slightly. "Luzzu," he murmured. "But don't get mad at him," he quickly added, noting her look.

Lightning walked past him, shaking her head. She sat down at her kitchen table, looking at her hands as they rested in her lap. He studied her in her silence. She was wearing his sweatshirt once more, her sideswept pink hair tucked just inside. She wore well-worn jeans and no shoes. Given her appearance, Hope wondered if she was having as much trouble sleeping as he did.

"If you heard it from Luzzu, then you haven't heard the full story," Lightning's voice was so soft it almost startled Hope.

"Wh-What do you mean?" Hope stammered, baffled. He walked over to the table and sat down across from her.

"He probably told you that Gerun and I had a relationship, didn't he?" Lightning turned and lifted her head, pale blue eyes gazing at him thoughtfully.

Hope shifted uncomfortably under her stare. "Something like that," he found it hard to meet her gaze until a soft, humorless laugh from her made him look questioningly. "I'm okay with it, you know. I'm not mad or jealous, if that's what you thought would happen if you told me…" His voice drifted as the expression on Lightning's face clearly indicated to him this wasn't the reason she never told him.

"As I said, you haven't heard the full story," Lightning folded her hands atop the table.

"Then," Hope began softly, reaching out and cover her hands with one of his, "do you mind telling me the full story?"

Lightning studied his open, honest expression, so full of love, as always. She sighed, feeling the familiar tug in her heart at the sight of it. She slipped one hand free of his grasp and placed it on top, squeezing slightly. They sat together like this, regarding each other silently for a moment, until Lightning broke the silence. A slight smile pulled at the corners of her mouth as she spoke.

"I guess I have no choice, now, do I?"


	19. My Brother, My Killer

**_Great news!_**

**_I'm not dead. And neither is this story._**

**_No, this isn't some twisted, late April Fool's joke._**

**_In spite of the many personal obstacles that the past few months I have had to deal with (some more devastating than others), I have kept doggedly at this chapter. It was hard to write, given the level of stress I was under, but I kept at it, then one day the dam broke, and poof! Here we are. It is *extremely* long - kind of a story within a story - which given how long it's been between updates, you all richly deserve. For those of you who still remember, Lightning was about to tell Hope about her past, and this whole chapter is nothing but one big flashback. So I don't wanna hear anything in the comments about people being confused. You've all had plenty of time to read and re-read the story - and I do apologize for being so long in updating. It was never my intention for that to happen._**

**_For those who were wondering what the title of the previous chapter meant, it translates to, literally, "after me, the flood" and is attributed to King Louis XV of France (or sometimes to his lover, Madame Pompadour). For those of you who know your history, you will recognize the prophetic quality of the phrase, as the French Revolution occurred fifteen years after the king's death. It is also in Regina Spektor's song, "Après Moi" which the chapter is named for._**

**_This chapter takes its title from a line in Leonard Cohen's song, "Famous Blue Raincoat." Although, if you want to get the right mood in which I wrote the chapter, you may want to find yourself the bootleg of Tori Amos covering this song in Oakland, CA on November 11, 2001, as that is what I was listening to for inspiration._**

**_Anyways, I've said enough for now. Thank you all so much for your continued support and readership! Your comments and messages have helped me in epic quantities through this dark period in my life, and I can't begin to express the gratitude I feel for you all._**

* * *

**My Brother, My Killer**

A pair of sturdy, bistre colored boots landed neatly upon the ground, raising a small cloud of crystalline dust upon impact in the early afternoon sun. They proceeded with confidence as they departed the APC, their owner having been here before; with strides long and sure as they approached the center of what was once the ruined village of Oerba.

_This time_, Lightning thought, _things are a bit different._

The crumbled streets, which once swarmed with various forms of cie'th, now were filled with soldiers and engineers of the newly formed Expeditionary Corps. They were establishing a secondary base here, a more northerly counterpart to the HQ located at the Colony. After being returned to the good graces of the newly established military force – in large part thanks to Lieutenant Amodar, who had just been promoted to captain - Lightning had spent the better part of the subsequent months guiding reconnaissance parties over the parts of Pulse that she was familiar with, as well as providing intel on the various flora and fauna she and her fellow l'cie encountered. Given the vastness of Pulse, her knowledge was small, but it was significantly more than what any newly transplanted Cocoon resident knew.

This new assignment was the most permanent one she had received since her Guardian Corps days. It meant being stationed away from Serah, which Lightning was disappointed about. However, the younger Farron had just married Snow a month ago, so she knew her sister would be looked after well. The woman recalled her former companions as she strode down what was once Oerba's main boulevard. They had all found ways to move on with their lives, and she was doing the same in the only way she knew how.

A few soldiers looked her way as she strode down to the waterfront, where the old schoolhouse there had been converted to an office. Lightning could feel their eyes as she passed, heard their whisperings and the odd "l'cie" uttered under someone's breath. It was no different elsewhere, whenever she was present. The video of her and Hope in Palumpolum had been broadcast throughout Cocoon, so her face was anything but unrecognizable. In the ten-plus months since, she had become acclimated to ignoring the stares, the remarks made both in hatred and in fear. In typical fashion, Lightning had let her actions speak for her instead.

Lightning arrived at the old schoolhouse; the structure looking much less dilapidated than it had when she first came to Oerba. New doors and windows were fitted to refurbished frames, and the exterior looked to be in the process of a facelift. She was just about to place her gloved hand upon the control panel to enter when the doors slid open.

Who they revealed was a tall, dark-haired officer with the mark of a captain on his shoulders. His thin, long-limbed frame took slight step back; grey-green eyes looked down at her with cool surprise. _That must be my new CO,_ Lightning thought as she stepped back abruptly and saluted.

"At ease, sergeant," the captain replied, returning her salute. His voice was soft and friendly, if in an aloof sort of way. "I presume you're the new sergeant I'm supposed to be expecting?"

"Sir, Sergeant Lightning Farron, reporting for duty," in spite of the request to stand at ease, her posture was still rather rigid.

"Oh, I know who you are, Sergeant Farron," he replied. Lightning felt a little off-balance at the sight of the faint smile - which was really just a slight relaxing of the man's stoic features - that accompanied those words. "Captain Gerun Beclem, I'll be your commanding officer here at Oerba. It will be nice to have someone who is familiar with this alien territory. I… hope I can count on your knowledge?"

Lightning's lips parted slightly, unsure whether or not to take what Captain Beclem said as an insult, but she quickly recovered and replied without hesitation, "Of course, sir, anything to assist the Corps."

The faint smile returned. "That's good to hear," Gerun Beclem replied. "Come, I'm on my way to check on the progress of the new barracks up where I presume the warehouses used to be. I can brief you on your duties on the walk there."

Lightning nodded in confirmation. "Yes sir," she replied, and fell in step alongside.

They walked in silence for a space, and this allowed her to assess her new captain. He didn't have the typical build of a field officer that she was used to. He was tall and thin, his frame lightly muscled in comparison. His face was handsome, with fine boned, almost delicate features. His gloved hands were fine boned as well, and his long, thin fingers curled slightly at the tips as he walked. His dark hair, hanging in a loose knot down his back, had a faint violet hue to it, which sharply contrasted his pale skin, especially the few thin locks that hung in the man's face. Yet in spite of his rather slight appearance; Lightning had little doubt that to underestimate him in battle would be a grave mistake. She only had to see the impressive array of weaponry that he equipped himself with to confirm that. On Beclem's back was the largest gunblade she had ever seen, folded as it was in its scabbard; it was nearly as large as hers when it's in sword mode. He carried additional sidearms in the form of a handgun and a ceremonial short sword. Those swords, Lightning knew, were from the old PSICOM days, and weren't given out to just anyone, but to officers displaying exceptional skill in combat. Lieutenant Colonel Yaag Rosch carried one, she recalled, and he certainly was a formidable opponent.

"I'm aware that you have been leading many scouting parties since being reinstated to the military," Captain Beclem began, pulling Lightning from her silent observations.

"Uh, yes, that is correct, sir,"

"Well, I can't guarantee you'll be doing much different here, but I will be relying heavily on your knowledge as we prepare to make a more permanent route between here and the mines at Mah'habara, as well as beyond the known reaches of Pulse," her commander stated. "If anything, I hope to use what you already know and send squads out with that knowledge. No sense in you doing the work twice, and it will help us establish this base all the more quickly."

"I understand, sir."

"This means you'll be reporting directly to me, Sergeant Farron," the captain stopped and turned, and Lightning did the same, facing her captain. "You will be my right hand, as it were. We need your expertise in order for this base's establishment to be a successful one."

The unmistakable sincerity in his otherwise detached voice put Lightning slightly off balance. She studied his face, trying to read him. Her past commanders - with the exception of Amodar, who was the only one who knew her pre-l'cie – had treated her with disdain from the outset; a disdain that would only evolve to a grudging respect after her skills were proven to the utmost. Captain Beclem was regarding her with no such scorn. His hazel eyes were clear, not clouded with the blatant prejudice she had become accustomed to seeing from her superiors and fellow soldiers. _Just what was going on here_, she wondered.

Some of her thoughts, her suspicions must've marked her features, as one of Beclem's thin brows arched slightly, and a soft sound, too polite to be called chuckling, escaped his lips.

"You doubt my motives, Sergeant Farron," it was not a question, and as always, spoken in that distinguished, aloof voice.

Lightning averted her gaze slightly, inhaling softly. "Sir," she began, once she could meet his eyes again, "with all due respect, because of my… notoriety… I have come to expect a degree of… discrimination, even from my C.O.'s."

A thin, dark brow lifted skyward, as Captain Beclem understood the meaning behind her words. "Ah," he began, regarding his new subordinate carefully, "and given that someone who is ex-PSICOM - such as me - is now your new commander, I would be just the person you'd expect to treat you in such manner, am I correct?"

Lightning shifted uncomfortably, but her gaze didn't waver. "Yes, sir, you are correct."

The slight smile returned to Captain Beclem's face. "Until a few generations go by, the military will always have a few who will look upon the events in which you had a hand in with ill intent. That's the nature of the politics of the beast. The rest, who lack scheming ambitions, end up establishing remote outposts, like me."

Lightning blinked, Beclem's words hitting home. "I'm sorry for doubting you, sir," Lightning bowed respectfully. "My apologies."

Captain Beclem nodded, a movement done more with his eyes than with his head. Then he turned effortlessly on his heel and continued up the riverside. Lightning quickly fell back in step with him. Nothing more was said until they reached their destination.

The part of Oerba that had once been the bustling warehouse area was bustling once more, only this time; it swarmed with engineers and soldiers, working on turning the old storerooms into barracks, armories and mess halls. Lightning could see that while not fully completed, the structures at least looked sound enough for habitation.

As they entered one of the old warehouses, Lightning noted how different the interior looked. Granted, it lacked the swarms of cie'th she had encountered prior, but the rebuilding had certainly done the old hulk a favor. It appeared to have been refurbished to have three floors inside. The ground floor had the look of a common room, with an office near the door which they entered and beyond it a large locker space for weapons and other munitions. Captain Beclem nodded briefly at the officer on duty sitting behind the desk – who rose and saluted his commanding officer and gaped in recognition at the pink-haired sergeant at his side - before striding to the metal stairwell at the back of the floor. Lightning followed Beclem up the stairs to a small landing with a door that, with a quick scan of the captain's palm, granted them entry. A hallway with various doors awaited them, and they proceeded down to the last door at the end of the hall.

Voices from within reached their ears; the familiar banter between comrades in arms. It was a sound Lightning recognized all too well. She steeled herself for the reception she knew her presence would receive before she even saw her new squad-mates. The captain opened the door.

The conversations came to an immediate end as soon as the soldiers saw their commanding officer appear on the other side of the door. Scrambling fast, the dozen or so men and women moved to attention, none of them even noticing that Captain Beclem was accompanied by another soldier. The captain's face, unreadable as always, showed no reaction as he entered the room, Lightning at his flank. Despite their attempts at emulating their stoic captain, it was difficult for any of them to retain an emotionless visage at the sight of the former l'cie. This did not go unnoticed by Beclem, who began to speak.

"At ease. I can see you've already noticed that we have a new member to our team. Sergeant Farron has been assigned as our new point for scouting missions, as well as providing useful intel on the surrounding area. Judging by the expressions many of you are trying to hide," Gerun Beclem's stoic demeanor was betrayed by the slightest of scowls, and although the pause and overall change was rather brief, its effect upon the soldiers was profound.

The captain continued, "I can see you are familiar with our new team member and her past. So instead of simply asking that you make the sergeant feel welcome and show her how things are run here, I am going to make it an order. Do I make myself understood?"

The iciness with which Beclem's final words were uttered paralyzed the squad from responding, and before anyone could, Lightning spoke up.

"Sir, if I may-"

Captain Beclem turned to his new sergeant, and from the expression on his face, Lightning felt she was granted permission to speak. Or at least, she hoped so.

"Well, whenever I have been assigned to a new company within the Corps, I have never asked – nor have I expected – special treatment to ensure my safety. I would ask that, in order to prevent any future discord within the squad, this remains the same, sir."

The dark brows arched once more. "And what, Sergeant Farron, do you suggest I do then?" Captain Beclem's tone was similar to the one he had used when he had suspected her of doubting him. Clearly this was a man who was unaccustomed to being second-guessed or countered, Lightning surmised. The captain was speaking again.

"As you clearly can see, unlike myself, your squad-mates are not as forgiving of the past, or rather, _your_ past. In fact I daresay the only things that are keeping them from acting out on their impulsions are my presence and the threat of a court-marshal. So with that knowledge, what do you think is the best course of action, sergeant?" Beclem's face was once more unreadable.

Why did this man make her feel so off-balance? This observation both unnerved and frustrated Lightning, as she thought for a solution to Captain Beclem's question. Her mind worked furiously, and even though an answer hadn't fully formed yet in her mind, she heard herself speak.

"I propose," she began slowly, "a sparring match."

Gerun Beclem tilted his amethyst-hued head to the side and folded his gauntleted arms. "Go on," he replied softly.

"The squad chooses one amongst them to fight against me in a one-on-one spar," Lightning began to explain. "That way they can see I am no longer l'cie. The winner will be whoever is able to disarm their opponent first."

"And when would this match take place?"

"It can begin as soon as the squad chooses their representative and there is a place to hold it. That is," she added hastily, "with your permission, sir."

Captain Beclem stood silently, mulling the proposal over. Lightning dared not even breathe.

"Very well, we may as well do it now, so that you can lick your respective wounds over dinner in the mess hall." Beclem turned to the rest of the squad, who may as well been statues during the entire exchange. "You have five minutes to decide which amongst you will spar against Sergeant Farron. Choose wisely. I expect to see you all outside in front of the barracks," and with an unexpected display of speed and agility, he turned on his heel and strode out. Lightning didn't even as much as pause before following her commander.

The squad gawked in stunned silence at the vacuum their captain and new sergeant left in their wake.

~x*x~

It was exactly five minutes later that Lightning stood outside the barracks, finalizing her inspection of her blazefire saber. A small circle of soldiers had formed around her and her opponent, a woman of similar height and build. In her hands looked to be a simple short staff or baton, but Lightning knew better. The weapon was a Sanctum Inquisitrix's and indicated to her just exactly the type of opponent she'd be up against. Recalling the battles she had fought on her way to the Sanctum back in Cocoon, she knew the woman would strike fast and heavy. Lightning wondered if she still had the still had the PSICOM manadrive that enhanced the user's physical attributes. _I'll find out soon enough,_ she thought as she caught sight the other woman beginning to circle out from under the fringe of her pink bangs.

Lightning's posture was casual, but guarded, her gunblade at the ready. She had no intention of making the first move unless the opportunity presented itself. There was no expression in Lightning's blue eyes, only watchful observation. The other woman was on her toes, regarding her foe with a haughty smirk that contrasted the apprehension that hid in her dark blue eyes. She sliced the air with her staff in an attempt at further bravado as she assumed her stance. Her dark, scarlet hued hair, pulled back in a tight braid that went halfway down her back, danced like a whip behind her. Side-swept bangs framed her oval face.

"Lance Corporal Lucil Cidolfus," the woman announced, in a voice that was almost too feminine to believe.

"Your comrades must think highly of you, corporal," Lightning replied, choosing to not bother with her own introduction. She kept her eyes fixed upon the corporal's, mindful to observe any changes in the woman's posture that would indicate an attack would soon me forthcoming.

Corporal Cidolfus' indigo eyes turned nearly black as she glared back at Lightning. "Just because you outrank me, Sergeant Farron, doesn't necessarily mean you can outfight me, l'cie powers or no." The leather of her gloves creaked slightly as her hand tightened its grip on her baton and her other curled into a fist. The circle, which had grown in its population, grew ominously still. Lightning readied herself for the attack as her opponent smirked and pressed a button on the device at her wrist, calling forth a spell. _Damn, she does have the 'drive, _Lightning cursed mentally.

All Lightning saw was the whirl of her opponent's crimson braid as Lucil made her first strike. She reacted on instinct alone, blocking the corporal's staff with her sabre then parrying the attack by spinning lightly on the balls of her feet and making her own offensive swing. Corporal Cidolfus matched Lightning's speed using two hands upon her staff, deflecting the blade and using the deflection as a vault to launch herself into a somersault kick. Lightning met her kick with one of her own, and from there, the two women put on an impressive display of aerial martial arts. The weapons in their hands became mere tools of defense. Kicking, spinning, blocking, flipping, and kicking again, the two women savagely assaulted each other, neither giving quarter nor an opening to their opponent. But it was not to last.

Lightning observed that while Lucil's blows were heavy and quick, it took her longer to disengage from a blow that had been deflected. She decided to test her observation out as the former Inquisitrix attempted to deliver another powerful kick. Instead of blocking with her own kick, Lightning took a risk and blocked with her forearm, swinging in with her gunblade at the corporal's midsection. The woman's dark eyes widened in surprise at the opening she had left, and threw herself backwards in an attempt to avoid the blade. She was a fraction of a second too late though, and the tip of Lightning's weapon slit through the material of her uniform, barely missing her skin.

The combatants came back down to the ground. The circle that had formed widened to allow them landing space. Lightning touched down, her boots skidding backward as she thrust one hand out onto the ground to keep her balance, her sword hand raised high behind her, and her cape billowing about her form. Lucil landed like a cat, twisting at the last moment to land, one knee hitting the ground heavily, her free hand immediately going to the tear in her uniform. Finding no wound there, she looked up at Lightning, who stood at the ready. The expression on Corporal Cidolfus' face was one of sheer fury, but even from the distance that separated them, Lightning could see the fear that had been in her eyes since the beginning of the fight had grown. She also noticed Lucil was showing signs of fatigue, as she slowly rose to her feet, claret braid sliding over her shoulder. The bravery and haste spells she had cast upon herself must be wearing off, Lightning decided, figuring it would be best to end the fight before she had a chance to recast them.

"I thought the rules were that the fight was to end when one of us was disarmed, not to see who could draw first blood," the young woman's voice was clipped and terse.

"Then you better start fighting with your weapon," replied Lightning, who charged forward, holding her gunblade in both hands.

Corporal Cidolfus stumbled back in surprise at the sudden onslaught, reacting with barely enough time to defend herself from the blows raining down upon her by the pink-haired sergeant. They broke through the circle, Lucil stepping backwards, on the defensive, Lightning giving her no chance to counter. The one time she tried proved to be her undoing, as Sergeant Farron easily deflected the countermove and knocked the baton from her grasp. The corporal did a handspring back in an attempt to retrieve her weapon, but Lightning was ready for her, trapping it underneath a booted foot.

"Yield," was all that was uttered from Lightning.

The indignant glower that Lucil was going to give her new superior turned to one of wide-eyed surprise when she saw the hand Lightning proffered her. The redheaded woman hesitated, and then took her sergeant's hand.

Lightning's features softened. "It was a good match," she said.

~x*x~

In the months that followed, Lightning began to bond with her squad in a way she hadn't felt since her Guardian Corps days. While she remained her usual aloof self, she began to feel what had been missing all those months past – the feeling of being respected once again. It made her job and the separation from Serah that much more bearable.

The corporal who had fought her that first day – Lucil - became Lightning's indispensable right-hand woman, and leapt immediately to the sergeant's defense should anyone on the base mention the former l'cie in anything less than a favorable manner. She later learned that the scarlet haired woman was the best hand-to-hand fighter at the Oerba base, having bested even some of her larger, male comrades.

And Captain Beclem was true to his word as well. There hardly was a day that passed that he wasn't querying Lightning on some Pulsian lore, asking what she knew of this location or that machine, or requesting her to lead reconnaissance missions through the pass that connected Oerba to Taejin's Tower. She did her best to answer his questions, and he seemed to take the information she provided with his characteristic solemnity. It felt good, she decided, to finally have a superior who held some respect for her words, and she felt more inclined to assist him as a result.

However, his demeanor never changed from that first day. She learned from her squad-mates that this was normal for their captain. The fact that Beclem spent as much time as he did in consulting with Lightning on a daily basis became the topic of much speculation amongst the other soldiers, the more scandalous of which was quickly curbed by Lucil's ever-watchful presence.

The new base at Oerba was developing nicely. The buildings that were structurally sound enough to be refurbished were looking less and less like derelicts. The oil rigs and wind farms that had been left to rot for centuries were starting to be useful once more, and their resources sent out to supply the Colony and other settlements. Parts of the village that had been inaccessible to Lightning and the other l'cie due to overgrowth and rubble were beginning to open up, thanks to the tireless work of the Corps' engineers.

One evening, after Lightning had dined in the mess hall, she did what had become almost a ritual for her whenever she wasn't on duty or out on patrol, and that was to walk down to the waterfront for a moment of quiet contemplation before turning in for the night.

She stood at what was once the pier, arms folded, as the waning daylight sparkled upon the water. The crystallization of Cocoon, brought forth by Fang and Vanille, had lifted much of the crystal dust that had blanketed the old village, but even with the extensive reconstruction going on; it was still to be found – not only on the land, but in the air as well. It gave the hours before twilight set in an otherworldly feel. It reminded Lightning of being in Eden leading up to the fall of Cocoon.

Lightning stared out over the water, wondering how Serah was doing back at the Colony. A few weeks after arriving at Oerba, she had received a message from her sister stating that she and Snow were expecting their first child, and just recently received another message, saying that she was expecting twins. Lightning, while thrilled for her sister, who had always dreamt of being a mother, was also concerned, should anything happen, she wouldn't be there for her.

She wondered how all of them were doing, really – Sazh, his son Dajh and their chocobo, Hope, who had enlisted into the Expeditionary Corps shortly before her assignment here and who must be soon out of basic training, even that dunderhead Snow, who was now a prominent officer in the Colony Home Guard as well as his former NORA pals – none of them were very far from Lightning's mind. This included Fang and Vanille, forever slumbering in crystal stasis. She wondered if the two of them were aware of their former comrades and the lives they were all living apart from one another. _Watch over them, please,_ Lightning beseeched the duo.

The woman was so lost in thought, that she hadn't been aware of her captain approaching until he was standing practically right next to her.

"Coming to this place seems to have become a sort of ritual for you, hasn't it, Sergeant Farron?" As with any question he uttered, Captain Beclem's tone sounded as if he wasn't really all that interested in hearing the answer. However, Lightning had learned that if he had truly been disinterested, he would not have asked the question in the first place.

She turned toward her superior, nodding her head slightly in acknowledgement of his presence. "I wasn't aware that my movements on base were of any interest," _especially to you,_ Lightning mentally added.

"Well, I'm sure you've noticed that Headquarters does overlook this spot," the captain pointed out. "Every officer here has seen you out here in the evening."

Lightning nodded again in a wordless _touché_.

"Tell me, does this place hold some sort of special meaning?"

"This whole village does, sir," she replied simply, turning back to face the water. "On Cocoon, I was born and raised in Bodhum, my home was right on the water. I often stood on the shore, watching the light of Fal-cie Phoenix go out over the land. Much later on, towards my last few days as a l'cie, I learned that the Vestige in Bodhum that started all of this came from this very village."

"Is that the only reason this village has special meaning to you?"

Lightning turned back in surprise at Gerun Beclem's gently-voiced query, mouth slightly agape. He was appraising her, although his angular features were as composed as ever. His hazel eyes were dark today, she observed. He was waiting for her to speak, as her reaction clearly indicated that there was more than what she explained.

"When we all arrived on Pulse," Lightning began, her eyes looking past Beclem, as if she were seeing the shades of her former companions, "we thought our presence here would save Cocoon from destruction. The best case scenario was that we would also find a way to get rid of our brands and no longer be l'cie. The worst case scenario was that we would all turn into cie'th and at least Cocoon would be spared. When we arrived here in Oerba, and found that we would not be getting the answers we expected, we began to despair. Then Dysley – Barthandelus – appeared, and gave us answers to questions we hadn't even asked. We realized that he was bent on destroying Cocoon, either with or without us, and armed with this new knowledge, we were filled with a new resolve – to carve out our own fate. We would still save Cocoon – her people, not the idyllic kennel-turned sacrificial altar the Fal-cie had created for us."

"So it never was your intention to destroy Cocoon, as the Sanctum claimed," Captain Beclem concluded.

"We were _from_ Cocoon; born and raised there. Why would we want to deliberately destroy the only world we ever knew? Why would we want to deliberately kill our friends and families? Just because we were turned into l'cie, doesn't mean we were no longer human at heart." Lightning felt herself grow defensive, and Beclem's impassive demeanor increased this feeling.

She tried a new tactic, seeing if for once she wouldn't be the one off-balance. "Do you have any family, Captain Beclem?"

Surprise. The emotion flashed across Gerun's features for a microsecond before his usual expression returned. But it was there long enough for Lightning to see it, and she mentally smirked in satisfaction. She arched her brow and crossed her arms in front of her, waiting for the captain to answer, her face as unreadable as his.

"My parents are still alive, yes," he stated simply. "For many generations, we always had a family member in PSICOM. It would appear that I am the last of that line."

"So you have no siblings then."

"Oh, I do – a younger brother, Frannike; we've always shortened his name to Frank though." Gerun looked down and shook his head slightly, the waning light highlighting the violet hues in his hair. "He was never going to make it as PSICOM material back on Cocoon, but since the restructuring and eventual formation of the Expeditionary Corps, he managed to become a private. He's always looked up to me, whether it was out of admiration or jealousy, I'll never know. It would be a miracle if he should ever become an officer. Power of that sort would go straight to his head."

"So he is something of a disappointment, sir?"

Gerun looked at her sharply, and the iciness of his gaze was so real, Lightning had all she could do to repress the shiver she felt within.

"If one cannot control themselves, they are hardly worthy of being in a position to control others." Captain Beclem's tone was as ominous as it had been that first day, when she had countered him for the second time by proposing the sparring match.

Lightning bowed her head apologetically. "I understand," she murmured. "I apologize."

Beclem merely relaxed his expression in reply. Then, he turned to leave.

"Goodnight, Sergeant Farron," the captain called over his shoulder. "We have a VIP coming in tomorrow for a short time. They'll likely be in need of your scouting expertise."

Lightning opened her mouth to answer, but Captain Beclem had already disappeared into the growing offshore fog and darkening night. She exhaled in a half-exasperated sigh, and was about to make the journey back to the barracks when another voice called out from the growing darkness.

"You know sergeant; encounters like this don't exactly help those rumors floating around about you and the captain. Besides, even I'm beginning to think he likes you," Lucil said, standing up and hopping easily off her perch towards Lightning.

Lightning didn't even look in her direction as she kept walking to the barracks. "Corporal Cidolfus," she replied. "Are you making a habit of following me wherever I go?"

"I wasn't initially following you," the corporal replied, falling into step behind her sergeant. "I was following Captain Beclem. He's been rather… odd, lately."

"When isn't he odd?"

"Point taken. Odder than _usual_, then," conceded Lucil. "Perhaps something to do with that VIP that's coming in tomorrow?"

"Perhaps," Lightning answered. "We'll find out more come the morning."

The two women remained silent for the rest of the walk back to the barracks.


	20. Your Enemy is Sleeping

**_Okay, so I went back after porking out on some ramen and decided that it was cruel and unusual for me to expect you guys to read such a huge piece of writing in one go. So, I went back over it (as I usually do), found a suitable place to cut it, and continued the story of Lightning and Beclem. You'll notice right off the bat here that a familiar face is introduced to you once more, and really, it was her introduction to the plot of this backstory that helped it move forward for me._**

**_As this is basically the continuation of the last chapter, the title is yet another line from the same song._**

**_You know the drill. And thanks again._**

* * *

**Your Enemy is Sleeping**

The morning came and with it the expected APC, carrying supplies and the person that Captain Beclem had told Lightning about the evening prior; who was unlike any officer Lightning had encountered in the Corps since she began. She was a statuesque, curvaceous woman, with muscular arms beneath her major's epaulettes, chestnut hair that went past her shoulders, and intelligent, dark brown eyes. She had an air about her that clearly indicated that she suffered no fools, and the sergeant had to admit to herself that even she was impressed by the sheer presence of the woman.

Captain Beclem greeted the woman with a salute. "Major Treno, it's been a long while."

"Not long enough, captain," Major Treno replied with a cool smirk, returning the salute.

For the first time ever, Lightning genuinely thought that Captain Beclem was going to lose his cool. The muscles in his angular jaw flexed as he bit back whatever retort was going through his mind and introduced Lightning to the major.

"Major Beatrix Treno, Sergeant Lightning Farron. It is with her knowledge that we have been able to successfully establish this base as quickly and safely as we have."

The major appraised Lightning, who saluted her in kind. "Sergeant Farron, your reputation precedes you," she remarked with a slight smile in her deep voice.

"I hope that it was for the better," replied Lightning, modestly.

"It is what it is," Major Treno replied benignly. "One cannot change the facts of their past, nor should it be used to determine one's future; unless of course, they choose not to learn from it."

The last part of the major's comment made Captain Beclem shift uncomfortably again. This time, he covered it up by turning and gesturing for the major to walk alongside him. She did, and with Lightning close behind, they strode to headquarters.

"I take it Command sent you here to check up on me and see if I was doing my job correctly?" Beclem inquired dryly.

I'm sure they can read your reports and decide that for themselves, captain." Major Treno replied. "What they sent me here for was to see if you could take on another responsibility."

"And that would be?"

"Command thinks that there should be an outpost established between here and the end of the Mah'habara Mines," explained Major Treno. "They feel it's too long a stretch to go without some sort of military protection against the creatures that reside in the area."

Captain Beclem made the faintest of sounds. "And they want us to stretch ourselves out thinner than we already are in order for them to satisfy this need."

"Well you are ahead of schedule, captain, in large part thanks to Sergeant Farron, and it is her report on the area that prompted the High Command to make this decision."

Lightning blinked in surprise at the mention of her name, but continued walking.

"I really don't see why this is necessary," Beclem's air was dismissive. "After all, the APC you arrived here on made it through without a problem."

"You know as well as I do that APCs are in short supply at the moment, and that we are looking for different means with which to travel on Pulse," the major's tone was starting to sound irritated. "Some may not be as large or as well-armed as an APC.

"Once this base is finished and established as a secondary command, they will be transporting the families of the men and women who serve here so that they can be close to them," she continued, flipping her hair over her shoulder. "The carriers that brought the people here from Cocoon are too large to land in these mountains. They will have to use land transport, and as I see no train up and running here as of yet, they will have to travel overland though the pass at Taejin's Tower to come here."

Captain Beclem's typically impassive visage was rather sullen. To Lightning, it seemed as if her early assessment of the man – that he didn't like being contradicted or have anyone telling him what to do – was more accurate than she realized.

They had arrived at the headquarters for the base and had entered. Reaching the office that Beclem occupied, Lightning noticed that his window did in fact overlook the pier that she frequented in the evenings. She briefly wondered how many nights he spent watching her from this window before the conversation picked back up again.

"So Major Treno, we may as well cut to the chase," Captain Beclem began. "What are the orders High Command have for me now?" He stood unflinching behind his desk, arms folded. Major Treno - who upon entering the office, had started to look around at the sparse personal effects the office had – paused in her tour and turned to face him. Lightning stayed by the door, neither at attention nor at ease due to the blatant tension between the two officers. She was watchful, waiting for what the major would say.

"Your orders, captain," the major answered, "are to locate and choose a suitable location for this outpost. Once one is found, teams of Expeditionary Corp engineers are to be sent there to start construction, with a squad of soldiers to escort and guard them to and from Oerba."

"I assume then that they will be sending more soldiers here to assist in this endeavor, as we've only have a skeleton crew here at best?"

"Of course," Major Treno smiled slightly at the question. "My own squad will be arriving by week's end"

"You're relieving me of my command, then." It was flat statement, not a question.

"Oh, I won't be stationed here permanently, Captain Beclem. Unless, that is, you give me reason to."

Beclem's jaw flexed slightly, and his dark eyes flashed.

Without another word, Major Treno turned to take her leave. Lightning stiffened to attention. The tall woman paused when she reached the door, and flipping her chestnut hair over her shoulder, turned to face the captain once more and added, "We'll start the search first thing tomorrow morning. Sergeant," she added, acknowledging Lightning with a nod as she exited.

~x*x~

Two days later found Lightning, Captain Beclem, Major Treno, Lance Corporal Cidolfus, and a small handful of soldiers in the mountain pass between Taejin's Tower and Oerba. They were still scouting for a suitable location for the outpost, and while they had seen a couple of locations that were good candidates, none had been exceptionally ideal.

They had encountered several beasts native to the area, and as Lightning predicted, Captain Beclem in combat was a powerful sight to behold. In spite of the fact that his weapons were heavier than hers, he moved nearly as fast as she did, laying waste to a pair of Mánagarmr single-handedly. Major Treno was a strong fighter in her own right, as well, assisting Lightning and Lucil in taking down a large Amphisbaena.

That initial, understated clash of personalities between the captain and the major had died off a bit while they were out in the field, but it was still there, simmering beneath the surface. Even Lucil had remarked about it to Lightning, who promptly told her subordinate to keep it to herself.

The pink-haired sergeant did have to admit to herself that she found the subtle animosity the two officers had for each other to be a bit baffling. As far as she could tell, there was nothing about Major Treno that rewarded such a reaction. She was a pleasant woman, upfront, but not in your face; warm, but tough when need be. Lightning surmised that whatever it was, it had to do with something in their respective pasts, and likely had something to do with the fact that the major could get under Captain Beclem's seemingly impervious façade where no one else could.

However, there was one instance that gave Lightning hesitation. On their first night out, as she was about to take the night watch, Major Treno approached her. This was a surprise, as the woman hadn't even so much as addressed her directly since they were introduced.

"Ah, Sergeant Farron," the major said, smiling. "So glad I caught you alone. It seems your corporal is like a shadow to you."

"Major Treno," greeted Lightning. "I must apologize for Lance Corporal Cidolfus' manner. She means well."

The major waved a gloved hand dismissively. "Quite all right. It's good to have loyal subordinates, so when you rise up in rank, you know who you can count on."

Lightning permitted herself a small, wry smile. "Given the way most of my superiors react to my presence, I don't think officer recommendation will ever be a part of my future."

Major Treno smiled back at the sergeant. "Tell me, does Captain Beclem treat you like most of your past superiors have?"

"Surprisingly, no," replied Lightning, arching a brow in recollection. "As a matter of fact, he's the first commanding officer in a long while whom I've actually felt respected by."

Beatrix Treno hummed in reply, brown eyes narrowing in thought as she placed her hands on her hips. When she spoke again, her rich voice was low, confidential, and very matter-of-fact.

"A word of advice, sergeant," she began. "You once saved humankind by questioning the authority around you. Don't ever forget that."

"I'm…not sure I understand…"

"Just because someone shows you respect, it doesn't automatically grant them your undying loyalty - especially if they intend to use you as a means to an end."

Lightning looked away, her pale blue eyes widening as she took in what Major Treno said. The major walked past her, returning to the camp for the night.

"Good night, sergeant."

"Good night, major," Lightning replied, still thinking about her words.

Those words still lingered a bit in her mind the following day, as the party ascended the side of one peak, to a natural plateau that they had espied from the pass below, which, oddly enough, had a stairway carved out of the rock leading up to it. She had a sneaking suspicion of what the major meant, but there was a strong part of her that didn't want to believe it. Lightning cast a quick, sideways glance at Captain Beclem. His behavior towards her hadn't changed from the first day she arrived on base. Sure, he was hard to read, but then again, so was she. The sergeant decided that while she'd take Major Treno's words under advisement, she would make her own decision with regards to her commanding officer.

When they reached the top of the plateau, a stunning tableau reached their eyes. Off in the distance, they could make out Oerba, and the faint shimmer of its shoreline. They could also see the crumbling edifice of Taejin's Tower rising up out of the mountain range.

"This looks like this might actually be the location we're looking for," Major Treno remarked, placing a hand on the hilt of the gunblade belted at her hips. She looked around her and caught Captain Beclem's eye, who nodded. The captain then turned to Lightning.

"Sergeant, come with me. I want you on point. Scout out the area fully."

"Yes, Captain Beclem."

"And what about the rest of us, captain?" Major Treno called out to the captain as he and Lightning were about to leave.

The man turned to reply; a lock of his dark hair caught in an errant breeze and blew into his face. "Set up camp here for the night. If this truly is the ideal spot for an outpost, then we should know what the environment is like for overnight conditions as well."

And with that, he and Lightning left the group. The major watched them leave, eyes narrowed in thought, while Lucil looked on between the departing forms of her captain and sergeant and the major, and wondered.

~x*x~

Lightning and Captain Beclem traveled to where the plateau merged back into the mountainside. There, they discovered what appeared to be rudimentary cave-like dwellings, no doubt dating back centuries. Lightning wondered if they may have been used at some point by Fang and Vanille, or perhaps by people from their respective clans. There were signs of Pulsian writing, but time and the elements had eroded much of it away, making it hard for her to decipher. One word did catch her eye though: _Etro_. She was contemplating where she had seen that word before when Beclem called for her.

"Sergeant!"

Lightning looked up and saw the captain waving to her. He appeared to be standing by the entrance to a tunnel of sorts. She jogged over to him.

"Captain, what is it?"

"Your expertise is required," Beclem replied, indicating to a carven plaque on the rock face alongside the opening.

The writing was definitely Pulsian in origin, although it appeared to be older than the script Lightning was familiar with. It was in remarkably good condition in comparison with the other writings she had seen.

It took her several readings before the words started to make sense to her. Then she read it again, just to make sure. Lightning's blue eyes widened and she stepped back, suddenly feeling ill at ease.

"We can't stay here," she said abruptly, her hand sliding back towards her gunblade's scabbard.

"What are you talking about, sergeant?" Beclem asked bemusedly.

"This place… It's holy ground, sir. Those dwellings, they weren't intended to house the living. They're homes for the spirits of the dead. That cavern is Oerba's burial ground. They believed it to be the gateway to the realm of the dead; Etro's domain."

"Etro?"

"The goddess of the dead," Lightning explained. "In Pulsian lore, she was the one who prevented Ragnarok from destroying Cocoon in the war."

"And so we're unable to carry out our orders because this happens to be some long-dead civilization's cemetery?" Captain Beclem arched a thin brow in disbelief. His body language clearly indicated his annoyance.

"It's more than that, sir…" Lightning hesitated to continue, but knew she must. Beclem was waiting, his arms folded across his chest.

"This symbol here, do you see it?" Lightning raised a gloved finger towards the plaque. When Beclem's gaze followed where she was pointing and nodded, she continued, "That is the symbol for the Fal-cie Anima. That was the Fal-cie that was in the Vestige at Bodhum; the one that turned us all into l'cie. This is where the Fal-cie stood watch over Oerba."

"But that Fal-cie was destroyed at the Hanging Edge."

"And who knows if there are remnants of the Fal-cie's power here," she countered, "or other, more powerful entities. We'd be putting lives needlessly at risk-"

"Enough," Beclem quietly cut her off.

"Sir-"

"I said, that's enough, Sergeant Farron," Beclem's eyes were hidden behind windswept strands of violet hair, but his tone was sufficient for Lightning to know that she had somehow broken beneath his cool surface. For the first time since the day she arrived back to Oerba, Lightning felt terribly off-balance around the captain.

"Tell me, sergeant, since you're so familiar with this marking, and since all l'cie are branded with their Fal-cie's brand, where was – or should I say is – your brand?" Beclem's voice was ominous, and Lightning, slightly outraged at what he was implying, felt the walls within herself go up.

"Sir, I am no longer a l'cie. The brand is nowhere to be found on me."

"Prove it," and in a motion too fast for even Lightning to follow, Captain Beclem lunged at her, grabbing her by the arms and lifting her up, slamming, pinning her to the rock wall with his body.

Lightning grunted in shock of the impact, her head slamming into the stone. She tried to struggle, but could not break free from Beclem's steel grip. She looked into the man's eyes and was startled at how dark – how _savage_ – they were. His lips were twisted into a slight sneer.

"Captain! What is the meaning of this?" Lightning hissed, shocked at his sudden, violent reaction.

A mirthless laugh escaped Beclem. "You said you no longer carry the mark of a l'cie. I'm saying prove it. Where was your mark, sergeant? It never appeared on any of those broadcasts of you in Palumpolum. Was it on your neck? Under your boot? Or perhaps…" his eyes traveled downward, a wicked gleam shining in them. Then suddenly, he reached up and ripped open the front of her uniform.

Lightning used the opportunity of his letting go of her arm to strike out at Gerun, backhanding him across the face.

"I believed in you, trusted you!" She spat at the man.

"You believed what you wanted to believe."

Blood seeped from the wound she left, but he didn't release her from his grasp. He caught her hand with his as she was about to strike him again, and he slammed her against rocks again, more roughly this time. She cried out, seeing stars dance before her vision. Beclem shifted his grip from her wrist to her throat and slammed her bodily against the wall again, and this time, Lightning had all she could do to keep conscious.

"You would have made a good second-in-command, Sergeant Farron," she was aware of Beclem's voice growling somewhere near her ear. "Now, I'm afraid that all you're good for is a bit of fun before the end."

Lightning was vaguely aware of being carried off into the cave.

~x*x~

"He raped you?" Hope asked, feeling the rage grow within him for the second time that night.

Lightning looked away. "It was stupid of me to believe that he was any different from the other commanding officers I had encountered up until that point. And he was right; I had chosen to believe what I wanted to."

"It wasn't your fault."

"No? I ignored my own instincts. How can that be anyone else's fault but mine?"

"Claire," Hope sighed, "Gerun made the choice to attack you. He wasn't forced to do it. From the sounds of it, he probably was mentally unstable for a while, and continued to be that way right up until the end. You were just in the wrong place at the wrong time; trying to do what you thought was the best. How he managed to simply be charged for having an inappropriate relationship as opposed to rape is what I'm wondering."

Lightning made a face.

"What is it?"

"The story isn't over yet," she replied.

~x*x~

Lightning was starting to come to, the pain in her head and farther below tore through her like a knife. She groaned and as she opened her eyes, Beclem's twisted, still bleeding visage was inches above hers.

"It's about time you came to. I was starting to get bored," and with that, he shifted his body weight on top of hers, and the stabbing pain that came from within her as he violated her repeatedly nearly caused her to pass out once more.

"Get off me!" Lightning growled, struggling, but her attempts were met with more maniacal laughter. Then there was sound, movement somewhere just out of Lightning's range of vision, and a voice that was a welcome sound to her ears, just as Beclem reared back suddenly, grasping at the dagger that was in his arm.

"Captain, get off Sergeant Farron, _now,_" Lucil's enraged voice echoed through the cavern. She held another knife at the ready.

The captain sneered at his corporal. Then without warning, he produced Lightning's gunblade from where it had been lying beside his feet and fired at the red-haired woman.

Lucil staggered back, a large stain, the color of her hair, spreading over her chest rapidly. A wheeze escaped her lips, and she crumpled to the ground.

Lightning looked on, shocked to have witnessed Captain Beclem killing one of his own subordinates in cold blood. The effect was short term, as she realized the distraction afforded her a window of opportunity to escape. She moved swiftly, twisting a leg free and striking the captain alongside the head with her booted foot.

Beclem grunted and fell over, motionless, and Lightning struggled to quickly extricate the rest of her body out from under him. Given the pain she was in from her many wounds, it was a miracle she didn't blackout again, but she willed herself onward. After grabbing her weapon, Lightning limped over to where Lucil's body lay. She knelt down, cradling her dying comrade in her arms.

"Thank you for following me this time," she murmured.

Lucil's face relaxed into a smile. "Major Treno…" she gurgled, "sent me… Shouldn't be too far… behind."

Then she choked and shuddered, gasping for air one last time before going still, her indigo eyes lifelessly staring upwards.

Lightning lay her body back down upon the stone floor of the catacombs and staggered off to where she saw daylight.

~x*x~

"I don't know how long I was stuck in there, traveling amongst the remains of former Oerban villagers, but somehow, I managed to get out, and sure enough, Major Treno and the others were waiting for me. They arrived to where Gerun was just as he was coming to, and naturally, placed him under arrest" Lightning said, finishing her story.

"So not only did Beclem rape you, but he killed Corporal Cidolfus as well, and got away with it?" Hope shook his silvery head in disbelief. "Is High Command really that blind?"

Lightning shifted in her seat. "The Beclem family has ties very high up in the chain of command, they have been since PSICOM."

"Still pawns of PSICOM," muttered Hope, his green eyes darkening with contempt.

"They couldn't make all of it go away," she replied. "He used my weapon, and as they couldn't find signs of his prints anywhere on it, it was a case of my word against his. But there were enough people back at the base at Oerba that had been speculating that he and I were involved intimately that it couldn't be swept under the table so easily.

"Anyways," Lightning continued, standing up. "It doesn't matter now. He's dead, and I'm finding out how history has a way of repeating itself."

"It won't."

She paused and looked at the young man, who also rose and stood beside her.

"How can you be so certain?" She asked in a soft, sad voice.

Hope wrapped his arms about Lightning and drew her close, cupping the side of her face, tilting it up towards him. He smiled warmly, lovingly down into her eyes.

"Because we love each other," he murmured, "and the Beclems aren't the only ones with powerful contacts."

"Hope, please don't bring your father into this-" Lightning began, but was stopped short with a soft kiss.

"Claire, trust in me," he whispered against her lips. "We will overcome this, and we will be together. That is certain."

Lightning sighed and relaxed back into Hope's arms, silently glad to feel them around her once more. For the first time in many days, she felt at peace.

_If only we could stay like this, in this moment, forever_, she thought to herself, as she threw caution to the wind and led Hope to her bedroom, giving in to her need to be in arms as she slept. She was tired of being cold and alone, and she knew that she wouldn't feel complete unless he was lying by her side once more.

As they lay together that night, Hope's body curled around hers, Lightning whispered out to him in the darkness.

"I love you, Hope."

She felt the sigh of his breath by her ear, felt his lips upon her shoulder, and he replied, "I love you too, Claire."


	21. Chapter 21

Creative/fanfiction writing stuffs are on indefinite hold.

As of this writing, I've been working for an independant video game developer for about six months now. This job opportunity came as a bit of a surprise and a result of the writing I was doing over at the fanblog mentioned in my previous entry. It's been a wild and crazy ride - I've been able to attend E3, meet other developers and get some hands on time with the games coming to the next gen consoles. This is all due to many years of writing, writing, writing - for no pay. The moral of the story? Don't discount the writing you do, _ever_. Even if it is something you do for years for free. It could take you places you'd never imagine seeing yourself when you started out.

I'm still running the fan blog, and I'm also finishing a degree in business, and raising my son, who's now in kindergarten. And I'm creating characters for my own game, based on an original fic I sketched out almost 20 years ago, as well as learning about Unity 3D in my "spare" time, as it's the platform I'll likely be using for my game.

So as you can see, I'm pretty much up to my eyeballs in stuff. Will my fanfic ever get finished? I hope so; Final Fantasy XIII-2 left me feeling cold and uninspired (hence the lack of any updates), even though I did like how they broke Serah out of the damsel in distress mold (but only a bit). I have high hopes for _Lightning Returns_. I'm actually quite impressed with the character arc development they've shown for Snow in particular thus far. So we'll see what the future holds.


End file.
